I feel really alone now I'm a mum

[Mamabear04]

DD is 2.10yo and DS is 7 weeks old. I'm not sure if it's post partum but I just feel incredibly lonely. I had a really difficult birth and am still not able to go about as normal. My mum has been helping me to get out twice a week in the morning to mum and toddler groups and I'm really thankful for that but I just can't seem to have more than a 2 sentence conversation with anyone because either DD is in need of attention (a lot of big emotions going on with the arrival of DS) or DS is crying. I feel like I hardly get to see my OH because the evenings are spent getting DS to sleep (he has a touch of colic). I've not been able to see any other friends just due to the madness of being a mum. I don't have any time just to have my own thoughts. I'm not really able to get out the house unless I have help because physically I'm not up to looking after my toddler ie if she makes a run for it/has a tantrum I can't pick her up to take her home etc so I'm feeling a bit trapped in the same rooms. I just feel really disconnected from everyone. Does anyone else feel like this? Or does anyone else have any advice?

Bumping this for you OP ❤️ I can relate, it's such a vulnerable time. I hope you start to feel more yourself soon and get some sleep. Lots of other mums will be feeling the same as you know even if they don't say. Can you talk to your mum? Hang in there

Just wanted to send you a hug and say it does get easier. I have a similar age gap to you and it's getting easier every day.

If you think you might be struggling with your mental health, please reach out to the GP or HV. There is lots of help available

I remember that feeling well, it does get better, hang in there. I used to stay up late at night, even though I was desperate for sleep, just to have time to think and recharge.

Sending hugs~ I'm sure you are not alone and lots of us have been through similar period of time.

Not much advice to offer. Only please please please tell yourself, it will get better. It will...

I went back to work after the first 8 months. The first time when I was able to sit down and have a cup of tea in peace, it felt incredible. But guilt was there too, for sending DS1 to a "stranger" for care (turning out to be the nicest childminder). But back then, I had no choice for financial reason. Even after that, we stumbled through the first year, then the second. Things gradually became easier.

Stay calm and try to take care of yourself (physically and emotionally). Remember it's all worth it ten years down the line...

Totally understand this. After the birth of second DS 11 months ago, I felt incredibly lonely even though we had visitors and I had my mum round. For me I think it was because of lack of time with DH. We decided that even though we were both shattered, rather than doing ‘shifts’ with newborn DS where I would go sleep early then swap at 1am or whatever, we both went to bed at a normal time and then I just mostly got up with DS in the night. I think we were both feeling very isolated as we weren’t spending any time together at all! I think it really helped us both to feel more ‘normal’ and actually DS did sleep a bit better in the first part of the night which maybe was an coincidence but maybe not… I really feel for you and I know it doesn’t help to say but it really does get easier very quickly, maybe after 3ish months 💐

Thanks for your replies everyone. I'm still finding it tough but it helps to know other people feel the same. I really long for am adult conversation and a hot cup of tea but maybe that's too much to ask this early on. Im so grateful for my beautiful kids but the world just feels very small at the moment....

@Mamabear04 , it's really hard in the beginning especially when you have a toddler too. Lots of cares required for a new born and lots of reassurance required for the toddler. So part of it is also the weight of all these inevitably fell on you as the main carer.

So go on the forum to shout whenever you want and get to hear other people's stories, making you feel 1) you are not alone; 2) things would get easier seven just gradually.

When you are physically allowed, try your best to do some toddler group to meet some other parents in similar situation. It really helps.

Another reminder, probably you've been doing anyway, is that make sure still to have some 1-to-1 time with the toddler. I found if I don't spend sometime with one of my two alone, their emotional track would go off the tune and that would make them harder to deal with in return.

I'm a few weeks ahead of you with a 2.5 month old and a soon to be 3 year old. It's so tough, physically, psychologically and emotionally. My new baby is a high needs baby and we've basically been in survival mode the entire time. We live away from family so just friends to support us. Everyone says it gets easier and actually week 7 is supposed to be the worst so hopefully things turn a corner for you guys soon. We're in Leap 3 (wonder weeks) so it's been hellish the last few days but had been getting a bit easier before that.