Ok. So, I have been happily married to a lovely man who wouldn’t say boo go a goose, especially his own parents! We have a lovely marriage, very happy and content. I do love him so much and thankfully due to his job we moved a good six hours away from his snobby family so since the pandemic I’ve seen his mother only once, his idiot bother once as they are practically chained together and his Narcissistic father I do believe was 3 years ago. So, total heaven! However, it was recently his birthday and he hasn’t heard from his mother in over six months!!! His family went on holiday a month ago and didn’t even tell him they’d left they country! I mean, what if something had happened to them!? Anyway, Low and behold he gets a phone call from her out of courtesy as we both predicted wishing him a Happy Birthday blah blah. We laughed at first but then it made me a bit angry, not ringing your own son for 6 months then calling him just cos it’s his birthday and you felt you had too? His brother sent him a card for the first time ever even though we sent him one every year since we got together til I stopped it out of principle. I do believe that was 2 years ago. His brother still lives at home, socialises with his parents, goes on holiday etc
And while my husband doesn’t say anything I know it upsets him. His Gran died due to Covid who he absolutely adored. Never seen him cry so much and he couldn’t attend her funeral which broke his heart. He really only considered her family which I’ve just found out. He told me he never felt “accepted” or like he was loved except by her.
He assured me that should his mother call on his birthday, he would thank her first and then confront her. He’d make it clear that in all relationships both parties have to put in 50% or they just don’t work. Of course he didn’t!!! He’s just too soft, likes to brush things under the carpet and that annoys me! Which of course led to a row! I on the other hand have often confronted his parents on their vulgar racist comments, how snobby they are about peoples clothes and watches for example, how his dad gets drunk then insists on driving, how they’ve looked down their nose at me, their rude, arrogant remarks that made about me over the years. I’ve put my heart & soul into trying to please them since being a young 23 year old girl and as an almost 36 year old woman I refuse to do that.
Basically my point is, we are hoping to try for a baby soon and I just know that they will be the type of grandparents who will want to pose with him/ her in their arms for pictures to post on social media to show their fake friends who they never have a nice word to say about anyway, then they genuinely won’t bother with them and be the sort of loving grandkids I want any kids I may have to grow up knowing. My Nana died in 1999 and I still cry over her to this day! I remember how loving, warm and kind she was to me. She didn’t have a lot of money but she never missed birthdays, christmases, had us over at weekends and ALWAYS rang out of the blue to ask how school was etc. I still have the last birthday card she gave to me before she went to Heaven.
In a nutshell…how do I keep them at arms length? During birthdays/ Christmas time/ after I give birth without upsetting my husband ?
I just don’t want to clasp eyes on these people they make my blood boil! They are so fake and there’s always an atmosphere we can all sense just no one ever says it.
They don’t see how lovely their son is and they don’t bother with him it’s just vile! And he never says a thing! All my mates have kids that have now left school so I don’t have anyone to ask who will A) not say anything or B) anyone who will be a mother close to 40 who will not bite her tongue! I’ve gotten to the age where my temper is fiery I don’t hold it in anymore lol
Any advice is greatly appreciated :-)