You may have seen comments and threads I have made previously about DS, who is adopted and nearly 15. We have had many ups and downs with his behaviour, he has been excluded from school, been in trouble with police for drugs, been missing a dozens of times. He used to be violent but isn't now.
After a reasonable summer, he has now reverted back to his previous behaviour of not sticking to arrangements when out with friends. I agreed he could go out to see a friend (against my better judgment as I know all they do is smoke weed but her hasn't seen his friend much this summer, and anyway I can't stop him). I asked him if he would be back for dinner, and said it didn't matter either way but could he let me know by 6 so I knew how much to cook. He has not been in touch at all and now has his phone switched off. He's been out since about 1. DH even gave him a lift to his friend's house.
I am now in tears because I now have no idea if he will be out for a few hours or missing for 3 days. I have been living with this for so long and I have had enough. I want to know how to stop getting so anxious about this as I can't do anything about it. His behaviour improves then gets worse again, and I find it really hard to stay calm. Luckily DD is at a sleepover so she doesn't have to worry or see me worried.
We have family therapy and a lot of support from friends, family and school. DH is brilliant, and he doesn't get as worried about DS, or if he does he doesn't get upset like I do. I want to be able to turn my feelings off and not care. I just feel so angry that DS cannot manage the simplest of requests - basically to keep in touch when he's out, let me know when he thinks he will be back and let me know if he's running late. Is this unreasonable? I don't think it is but I feel like I get so much conflicting advice I have no idea if that's fair or not.
I know teenagers are notorious for being unreliable and doing stupid things and not taking anyone else's feelings into account. How does everyone else cope though?