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Parenting

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Original poster

Feeling like a mean mummy :(

17 replies

MrsSnape · 22/01/2008 09:31

My son (7) brought some homework home on Friday but he was a his dad's this weekend so I told him he could do it Monday night instead to take in today. Anyway, last night I got it out for him and he didn't want to do it, said it was too hard (it wasn't, it was stuff like 25 + 10 = ) and in the end he screamed "I'm not doing it!" and screwed it up and threw it across the room. I was furious with him and told him I would tell his teacher what he'd done with it and he said "good! I don't care"

So anyway, this morning I explained to his teacher that he hadn't brought his homework in as he had screwed it up and destroyed it. She suggested that he re-do the homework during his playtime today (which I was expecting) and I agreed. I want him to learn that he doesnt get his own way by acting like a thug.

So it was agreed, he would miss his playtime and do homework in the classroom instead.

Anyway, as I turned to walk away I shot a quick glance at DS who was stood in his line looking all hurt and upset and I felt guilty . The more I think about it the more I think it was cruel, especially when he'd gone into school so happy....but I'm just sick of his behaviour, he treats me like crap. Only this morning he said something, I replied and he said "duh! are your ears working properly??" really aggressively .

So was I a complete bitch this morning?

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seeker · 22/01/2008 09:39

Absolutely not! And I hope you've banned the playstation for a week for the rudeness. I have to say mine wouldn't have gone into school happy if they had said something like that to me!

So if you're a bitch, I'm a super-uber-bitch!

Surr3ymummy · 22/01/2008 09:41

I think you did the right thing in telling the teacher - he does need to understand that homework is not optional.

However, I would say in future that you should send the homework with him to his Dad's - so that it's not getting left to the last minute. Plus of course it's part of being a parent to help with homework - so your ex should be happy to get involved.

Maybe sit down with him when he gets home from school and explain why you had to tell the teacher, and give him a hug.

mrspnut · 22/01/2008 09:43

No - I think what you did was right. If you told him that the consequences of not doing his homework were that you would tell the teacher then that's what you have to do.

The punishment that school have decided to hand out is nothing to do with you (and I wouldn't impose another punishment at home) but hopefully next time you tell him that not doing his homework will result in you telling the teacher then he will remember that you do what you say.

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DoodleToYou · 22/01/2008 09:44

Message withdrawn

Original poster

MrsSnape · 22/01/2008 09:48

Thanks everyone. His dad is a bit useless and never makes him do the homework I send, I've tried it before. I even sent a book with DS1 this weekend and all I asked of his dad was to make sure DS read 1 chapter of it...he didn't even need to read it with him....needless to say the book came back unread.

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happyathome · 22/01/2008 09:49

good for you MrsSnape!.
wish i'd have thought of that.it will teach him to respect you and his homework more.my DD has been like that lately(5.5) and like you say,although it is guilt inducing to be 'hard',i want to nip her attitude in the bud before she becomes a disrespectful teenager.she sulks/cries,but often later she will think about it and come and apologise of her own accord and says she loves me.
i think politeness and respect especially,is one of the greatest lessons kids should learn(also self discipline).
you sound like a great mum!

paddyclamp · 22/01/2008 15:50

You definitely did the right thing, good on you!

bellabelly · 22/01/2008 15:54

Speaking as a teacher, I think it's brilliant showing him that you and the teacher will work together and that you will keep each other informed about things like this. A moment's "meanness" but I'd be really surprised if this happens again - and he'll be much happier for it in the longer term!

TheMuppetMuggle · 22/01/2008 15:57

I would do the same if my DD done that. Well done you

yetanothername · 22/01/2008 17:22

You were being a very responsible parent! Not mean at all! Mean is what a person does out of spite, you merely showed him the natural consequence for unacceptable behaviour. He'll be a better adult for this kind of parenting.

emmaagain · 22/01/2008 18:26

I hate homework. It invades your family space. Either you have to nag for it to be done now, or you have to remind them to do it later. It sets up friction between you and your children.

I don't really understand why it's necessary. Schools have children for 6 hours a day. Why is it ok for them to set tasks for the time our children aren't in school as well? If the schools can't achieve all they want to in 6 hours a day, then isn't that the fault of the schools?

(funny thing: in France they have a 30 hour working week. Noone in France can be required to work for more than 30 hours a week. Noone. Except school children, who are given homework).

ILiveinhope · 22/01/2008 18:34

You did totally the right thing. He needs to understand consequences of behaviour, and he can not speak to you like that.

I also agree that Dad needs to help with homework too! We used to send homework to Dad's house every time, but homework is now on Monday due Friday.

We have a set homework day, and both my kids know that they sit and do it then, no arguements.

colditz · 22/01/2008 18:36

No of course not. You backed the teacher properly, and maybe next time he'll do his homework ... saying that, did the weekend with his dad wear him out? I know absent fathers never realise the devastating consequences of two late nights running, because they never see them

Original poster

MrsSnape · 22/01/2008 19:22

A quick update: It worked out really well! teacher came over to speak to me after school and informed me that DS had recieved a huge clap from the rest of the class...he was so devestated at losing his playtime, he sat down and completed his homework within 5 minutes and the teacher was so pleased with him, she told the rest of the class how clever he had been, everyone clapped for him AND he managed to get 5 minutes playtime after finishing it

She told me she was pleased I had done what I did and that DS had learnt a huge lesson from it...funnily enough he's been EXTRA good all day and even told DS1 to speak to me with respect!

I'm going to be "mean" more often! lol

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mammyofET · 22/01/2008 19:24

You did the right thing absolutely. Congratulations. IMO, being a good parent means making them learn the right lessons in life. And this was a good lesson.

HaventSleptForAYear · 22/01/2008 21:02

Emmaagain - it's 35 hrs - we're not that slack !! but totally agree - my students have more than 35hrs lessons plus h/w.
OP definitely did right thing to show that you side with teacher (course I would say that, wouldn't I?) but it's true that 7 is young for h/w

paddyclamp · 22/01/2008 21:15

Nice one! I'll remember this when my DS gets a bit older

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