To have baby 2.. or not (yet) advice and experiences needed please!!

[Janie94]

Hi all,
So DH and I have always wanted 2 children. DD is going to be 3 near the end of the year and due to moving house and me starting a new job (which I love) we haven't yet dtd in order to create DC2!

I feel a constant nagging feeling in the back of my mind telling me we need to do it, not just for my DDs sake to have a sibling fairly close in age (I get that 4 years is not very close), but also because my clock somewhat is ticking, I'm nearly 33.

On the other side of it, we have been crippled by childcare costs for the last 2 years where we're not fortunate enough to have help from family, and with the 30 free hours coming up I'm quite looking forward to having what will feel like a very nice pay rise! Not only this but I'm on the verge of a promotion at work and for the first time in my life I'm enjoying my job.
We also have a few more jobs to do to the house.

I know there's no right time to have a baby, it just happens and you adapt around it. But I'm struggling to work out whether we should do it sooner and DD will have a 3/ish age gap, or wait a year, be financially better off, and have a 4ish year age gap. First world problems I know! Also appreciate pregnancy doesn't always happen as you want it to...

Has anyone else been in this situation? Thanks xx

I think both options have pros and cons. I've just had my second and they're nearly 3 years apart, I don't have my 30 hours yet but will come January and I'm desperate for them. It's hard having a nearly-3-year old and a newborn. My baby is quite fussy and sucks up nearly all my time, so toddler is a bit untethered at the moment. Chaos. Tears. Unrelenting mess. Lots of screen time 🙈 Hardest thing I've ever done. So, whenever you feel ready to do that to your life, have at it! I think a larger age gap will mean your eldest will be more independent which is a bonus, but they will have a bit less in common age-wise. But either way you'll have a beautiful family to love.

Also, at 33, waiting one more year shouldn't be an issue at all. That's quite young... Mine were born at 34 and 37.

I can definitely relate to this. My husband & I spent 1.5 years contemplating if we should have a second or not as always just wanted one. We were in a similar situation nursery costs were more than our mortgage!! But we decided it would be nice for our son to have a sibling as would give them a relationship & something we couldn’t give them. Also considered if we didn’t have another would we regret it & then be too old to do anything about it.

So we had another & am back to the baby stage (eldest is 4 years & baby is 5 mths) as well as back to the nursery costs soon. Although it’s been quite an adjustment with 2, when you take a step back life goes pretty fast & im sure we will soon settle into a routine & they will be older & be able to play together (& fight with no doubt).

I do feel your dilemma & unfortunately there’s no right or wrong answer just what you think is best for you & your family. I guess the question is can you close the door & be happy as a family of 3. Or is that nagging feeling going to stay and which case if you have another you will have no “what ifs” x