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Parenting

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Original poster

Grandparents involvement

16 replies

Emmamc93 · 29/08/2022 06:17

Hi I’m a ftm so was looking for some help, my partners family want to see our son who is only 3 months old as many times a week as possible but they only want to do this in their house. They only live 10 minutes away but any time they’re invited to see him or asked to watch him for an hour they will only do so if it is in their house. I have explained to them that it is much easier for them to come and sit in our house with him as it means I don’t have to pack up his stuff (they have nothing bought in their house for him) or break up his routine but they still won’t listen. I was wondering am I being unreasonable expecting them to come down or as he’s so young should they be more flexible

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Namenic · 29/08/2022 06:22

Neither of you are being unreasonable. But if they are doing you a favour, then it makes sense for it to be at theirs (at least for that time)

itsjustnotok · 29/08/2022 06:25

I would say if you are asking them to look after him then I can understand why you want him at home but equally they have ability to want to sit him at their own home. In terms of them wanting to see him regularly, then I would expect them to come around, you shouldn’t have to go running when they decide they want to see him.

TidyDancer · 29/08/2022 06:27

If you're asking them for childcare favours then I think it's reasonable that they are put at leas disruption than you.

On occasions when you are inviting them to see him though, if they choose not to come to you that doesn't mean that every time you have to go to them instead. I think you could certainly start saying no sometimes to get a decent balance there.

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TidyDancer · 29/08/2022 06:28

less disruption, not leas. 🙄 wish mnhq would give us an edit button.

Andromachehadabadday · 29/08/2022 06:32

No one is unreasonable. Trying to look for who is unreasonable in situations like this just causes problems. So times people can have different points of view and both be reasonable.

I would feel uncomfortable in someone’s home, when they were there. If 8 was babysitting I would prefer it in my own home.

I also understand why you find it easier to have them come to yours. But I would say if you are asking a favour, you should take the child there.

Maray1967 · 29/08/2022 08:02

If you’re asking them to babysit then it’s fair you take him there. Otherwise they should be willing to come to yours. Do they not go out anywhere else?

Catch21 · 29/08/2022 08:04

Agree with other posters. If you're asking for a childcare favour then it should be their choice, but if you're inviting them over to spend time together then it's rude of them to insist you always go there.

ChildWontStopGrowing · 29/08/2022 20:30

If it were me I would try and go to see them once or twice a week. If they ask to see the baby more often, "Sure, come round any time! We'd be glad to have you".

If you need them to babysit even if only for an hour then it would be unreasonable to insist on it being at your house. Yes it would be easier for you, but it's not their responsibility to make your life easier when doing you favours.

(Going out does get easier as baby gets older)

TheGlitterFairy · 29/08/2022 21:39

Baby is 12 weeks old? I’d say they need to come to you esp if they’re only 10 mins away.
Do you need them to come so frequently?

Original poster

Emmamc93 · 30/08/2022 11:47

I kind of worded that wrong so when they’re asked to watch him for an hour or a couple of hours its because they’ve been asking to get him for a couple of hours so I say they can come and watch him in ours and I can run a few errands but they’re not needed to watch him it’s only to allow them time together

OP posts:

notalwaysalondoner · 30/08/2022 12:28

I would just tell them “we can’t come to your house every time, it’s hard work getting out the house, if you want to see him please can you come here”. And maybe alternate or something.

If you don’t have the kind of relationship where you can say that then I would just say something like “Please can you come over here, we can’t come to you today”. If they ask why maybe say because baby is tired/grizzly. Remember mumsnet advice - “no” is a complete sentence, if you’ve justified yourself once you don’t need to keep doing it.

Im afraid I don’t agree it’s easier when they’re older, you get more efficient at it but you then need more stuff like toys and bibs and food and spoons…! And in winter it’s way way harder with snowsuits and gloves and hats. So don’t let them get into a habit of only seeing them at their house.

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 30/08/2022 12:35

Start being less available.. Join some baby classes. If they ask you to visit just say will be home when dp is. He needs to be backing you up.

beachcitygirl · 30/08/2022 14:26

If it's for them to gave time with baby. It's your way or the highway.
They are being unreasonable unless there is mobility or sickness/disability issues with them.

Put your foot firmly down OP

FrodisCapering · 15/02/2023 13:32

Me and my husband had one meal in July 2019 and one in October 2019. Our first child was born in 2018 and our second in 2020.

Grandparents will not help at all.

You are getting loads of childcare.
Surely your post is a joke?

FrodisCapering · 15/02/2023 13:33

Sorry, OP, my phone is playing silly beggers...I wasn't replying to your thread!!

happygrann · 01/09/2023 17:50

seems OP wants them to babysit at theirs whereas GP want at theirs , I babysit at my house I don't want to baby sit at my kids

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