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Worried I'm not doing enough

12 replies

Wolowl · 27/08/2022 19:37

Dd is 8 weeks old and we completely adore her. The birth was a straightforward waterbirth and only issue was a 2nd degree tear. We were in hospital for 4 days as she wasn't feeding well but all is ok now except she has really bad wind.

When we left hospital my stitches were checked and all good. By our 2nd community midwife apt it didn't feel right and so it was checked. Turns out I had an infection so was prescribed antibiotics. The stitches had dissolved early. The hospital midwives discharged us in the same apt that I was given the antibiotics, saying to go to the GP if any issues.

They didn't help so once I'd taken them all I went to the GP who gave me different ones for the infection and said it hadn't yet healed.

Those antibiotics seemed to do something but even now I'm still really sore and it doesn't look like it's healed at all. I can't walk for long periods and even rocking Dd for a decent length of time is uncomfortable. I may also have a prolapse.

I have been referred back to the perineal midwife team and for physio but the 1st apt with them isn't until the 28th Sept. The midwife I spoke to said to take it easy, lie around with the baby and don't do any heavy lifting. Which is ok to an extent but I feel like I'm missing out doing things with Dd.

Yesterday I went out for a short walk with her it was the 1st time I'd been out with her by myself. It was a struggle getting the pram out of the house and although I felt glad to have done it, I was really uncomfortable for the rest of the day. I just feel really guilty and even though she's tiny feel I should be able to do more with her.

Is it stupid to feel like this and should I just be pushing through and getting on with things regardless? Sorry for the essay!

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Dove88 · 27/08/2022 21:48

It’s not ‘stupid’ to feel like this at all. Even new mums without these issues feel like this. But you needn’t worry, DD is still so young and doesn’t need anything other than you. As long as you are interacting with her throughout the day, she gets some tummy time and isn’t in the same spot in the house all day then she’s entertained enough!
Howbare you feeling mental health wise? Being stuck in can be awful, make sure you look after yourself too xx

Wolowl · 28/08/2022 06:41

Hi,
Thanks so much. We are definitely interacting through the day, she's so chatty! Doing tummy time and in we are in different places in the house. It was a bit tricky when it was hot but now it's cooler and we can be in the garden a bit too that is great.

I think mentally I am doing as well as I can. Mostly good days with the occasional dip. My Dh is great and I have a really good support network. I just feel like I'm letting Dd and myself down a bit. I was very active right up to the birth so it's taking a bit of getting used to only being able to go for 20min walks without being in pain.

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goldfinchonthelawn · 28/08/2022 07:04

You absolutely don't need to be doing anything with her yet except cuddles, feeds and keeping her clean. And healing. You will need to be in good health once she is crawling, cruising and walking.
If you feel you should be doing more, sing to her and talk to her a lot.

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MsChatterbox · 28/08/2022 07:11

Follow the medical advice. It will allow you to heal and then be able to do things. Rather than do things now slowly and pain for a longer period of time. Your 8 week old will be very content at home with you and is not missing out of anything. Do you have a garden? Sitting out there with her could be something nice if you want to get outside.

Juicesausagecake · 28/08/2022 07:22

Dd will love staying at home and cuddling. You are her world. There isn’t much more to it at this age.

Pashazade · 28/08/2022 08:10

Don't feel bad, my lovely MIL basically had to frog march me to the cafe on the corner of our road to get me out with DS for the first time, I was so nervous about it! You'll be fine a bit of fresh air is good but all she needs right now is you. Hope you heal up soon and feel better.

Letitmow · 28/08/2022 08:26

Easier said than done but don't feel guilty! You need to look after yourself and get yourself healed, and at 8 weeks lots of cuddles and relaxing with mum is like winning the lottery for a baby!

Arewethebadguys · 28/08/2022 08:35

OMG stop! You've been through the wars! Boxsets and rest for you and cuddles for your baby! That's plenty for now x

blueberry23 · 28/08/2022 08:35

I had a lockdown baby and barely left the house for 6 months 🤣 just give yourself time and let yourself heal!

resuwen · 28/08/2022 08:44

She's 8 weeks old. She doesn't care what you're doing, she just wants a cuddle!

Starship951 · 28/08/2022 08:48

I didn't go out til I was fully healed. Took 12 weeks. I stayed in and watched lots of tv.
Then it was just walks with the buggy to the park or shops. Baby doesn't care at that age.

Wolowl · 28/08/2022 09:34

Thanks all, feeling a bit teary reading your replies. I will keep on doing what we're doing and try to stop beating myself up about it.

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