Other peoples opinions

[Boymumof1]

Hello, hoping to find some advice here, maybe vent a little…
so my little one has just turned 3, to me, he’s a ‘typical boy’ on the go, loves being out and exploring, very affectionate, has tantrums now and then, etc etc.
he does have a speech delay, which we are slowly getting help with, he says lots of single words, but sentences and convo in general are almost impossible to understand, however I do feel like we are moving forward not back.
now my issue, is that my step mother ( who rarely sees my child) has made comments here and there since he was a baby, first one when he was a matter of months old, saying he was very fidgety and squirmy, then we had lockdown, so no contact, since then, not frequent contact, but she has now said ‘ he’s got something going on hasn’t he’ like a bit of ‘ ADHD’
i was really taken back by this, and as time has gone on, quite upset too. First off, if he has anything ‘going on’ I’ll love and protect him no matter what. It’s not so much that he may have, more the fact that because he’s an on the go little boy, who can be boisterous etc, does That mean now he’s automatically got a condition?? And coming from someone who doesn’t spend a great deal of time with him. He does sit and play with toys for periods of time, and he can sit quietly and enjoy a film. As far as I was aware, you don’t get diagnosed so young anyway? As he could just be a typical toddler/3 year old. I’m so focused on getting his speech where it should be, now I’m worrying that he may have other stuff too? And that this has obviously been spoken about amongst others behind my back. Sorry this is long! Just don’t know how to deal with this, and her. Thanks x

My son sounds very similar to yours in that he loves to explore and also has a speech delay! I use this to our advantage and try to incorporate our speech games into his love to explore. So we do speech treasure hunts on walks out in the woods or around the house on a rainy day.

Similar to yourself I have wondered if my sons speech delay is a sign of something else going on. I spoke with the doctor about this during one of appointments and he said it was too early to diagnose and normally they wouldn't assess until age 5 or later i.e. at school. He said a lot of the behaviours are similar to normal toddler development so you just have to wait to see if they grow out of them.

As for your MIL then I would just say no professionals have voiced concerns at this time and that he is a very happy active boy. It sounds like you don't have to spend much time with her so try to limit this contact further if you can if she continues to say comments which upset you.

Not sure if it is of interest to you but a new speech delay app has recently been released called Pippin. It has loads of speech games to try at home. I would recommend giving it a try, especially the speech course:

pippinspeech.com/

Thank you for your response, do you mind me asking how old your little boy is? I’ve heard speech delay is more common with boys than girls. The treasure hunt sounds great, I’ll definitely have a go.
she has since apologised as I couldn’t hold my tongue any longer, still not completely satisfied, more so because, like I said, she never hardly sees him, and I feel he is left out compared to the ‘biological’ grandchildren. I guess I’m just finding it all overwhelming now, and feel like I have to defend him or explain to strangers in the park, when they ask him his name, and he’s doesn’t say it etc. he understands everything I ask of him, but it sounds like he talks in a foreign language sometimes. I’ll check the app out too, thank you 😊

My son is 3 and a half so only slightly older than your son. We were a bit slow on picking up on his speech delay because of COVID and not seeing other children his age to compare against. So we only started speech therapy from about are 2.5 years.

I also meant to say that you can self refer to your local NHS speech and language department. You don't have to wait for a referral from HV or doctors. Just thought I would mention it incase you aren't already on their list.

Now your MIL is aware of how you feel she will hopefully be more thoughtful of what she says in the future.

Hi, you have a lot going on with your DS, I would try to zone your SM out - the best response might be something like 'I guess as you don't see him much you won't really know what he's like'. Don't worry about explaining in the park, people in general understand that all kids are different. Keep pushing for the right help and focus on him, not what other people might think.

One thing I did want to say is I felt a bit concerned when I read he’s a ‘typical boy’ on the go as this is very sexist - what specifically do you mean by this? Your SM is talking about ADHD - what specifically does she mean by that? Could there be any behaviour you are allowing because he's a 'typical boy' that might actually cause him problems in future?

Hi, thank you for your response. So with regards to the typical boy comment, I meant as in just the usual stuff boys get up to, or at least from what I know, as most of my family are boys. I here the term used a lot by other mums with boys, so didn’t see it as being no sexist at all.

I would have switched off at ‘a bit of ADHD’

Sorry I didn’t finish that properly! After I had spoken to her about the comment, she said sorry etc, but said maybe because he is ‘ very lively’ I’m not allowing any type of behaviour, if I feel he is doing something wrong, unsafe, anything at all like that, I’ll explain to him what he’s done wrong and how he should behave etc, he was slapped by a boy in the face at the park because he was playing with the boys ball, he didn’t hit back and told the boy no. Then came to me. He’s just excitable, he only started interacting with children properly after all the covid stuff, last September when he started playschool. They’ve had no issues with his behaviour.

Well it is a sexist comment, clearly. What even is a typical boy anyway?

It isn’t to me, and I hear it a lot. So respectfully we’ll agree to disagree, and I have nothing further to discuss with you.

Apologies - SM.

I think your step mum has forgotten what preschoolers are like, attention spans that last 2mins, very physical- some more so than others.
don’t let her put rubbish in your head because he doesn’t sit still for hours like SHE wants him to.

yes you are right, he just gets excited when he’s in new places, places he doesn’t visit often ( her house) and being with other children, at home he’s pretty chilled out! :)

If she doesn't see him much and he isn't used to her, he could well be acting up around her as well.

I have two boys. One has autism and when he was 3 he was the same as other 3 year olds. Its just as he has gotten older, he is no longer on an emotional parr with his peers. My youngest had a speech delay/stutter and still stutters sometimes now at 7YO. It is common for young kids with speech issues to have behavioural issues due to not being able to articulate themselves etc.

Unless step mum is an educational psychologist, I wouldn't bother listening to her opinion.

Hi thank you for your reply, do you mind if I ask, what age your child with speech delay, started taking clearly, and in sentences? We are making great progress with single words, many of them now, it’s just when full conversation comes out, it’s like a different language.
she has other grandchildren ( biological) but of corse they are all perfect… but he definitely hasn’t bonded with her. My stepdad makes an incredible effort and my son absolutely adores him, and calls him grandad ❤️😊