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Help me get out of the house

5 replies

lamby12 · 27/08/2022 14:21

I have a DC just turned 4 and a 9 month old. I've fallen into a rut being stuck in the house and I'm struggling to get out of it, but I really want to try and enjoy the last few months of mat leave, rather than wishing time away.

I found the first 4 months of 2xDCs brutal, and had a difficult physical recovery, but just about started to get into the habit of some walks and park trips with both DCs. Then they both had chicken pox one after another and we seemed to be housebound for weeks on end, then covid, then we had a couple of little holidays in this country so not much time at home, then we've had a covid again. I'm pretty much recovered from covid (though still knackered) but I feel like I never really properly found my confidence of getting out with 2 of them alone.

DH works long hours and it's rare he has a day off with us, DC4 goes to nursery 3 days and we visit my parents once a week. So we have a few days at home to fill and at the moment I wish them away. I enjoy playing with DC4 who is now at a lovely age and doing crafts/baking, and love the nursery days with baby on my own. On these days I get out for long walks and errands. But I just struggle on days with both of them to get out. When we do have DH here we have trips out.

It's mainly anxiety about managing them both on my own out and about, because I've never done it. Our days at home are mostly nice but there's more tv than I'd like and I'm increasingly getting a bit fed up/short tempered because I know I'm just fed up of being cooped up and need to get out. But I can't seem to find the confidence for even a park by or supermarket trip with them both. I worry DC4 will run off, throw a tantrum, refuse to leave. All of which she has form for but when there's two parents there you can handle it. It's grown into a fear and I haven't been anywhere on my own with them both for months.

I don't have any mum friends who aren't working (they all only have elder DC or have recently gone back to work after second DC) so they are working during the week and family time at weekends.

We're relocating in the next few months so I don't want to start making new friends here, and I'm looking forward to returning to work in a couple of months but only really because I'm fed up of days in the house with the kids.

I really want to not wish away the rest of mat leave (which I'll never have again) and somehow get out and enjoy the DCs. My elder DC is ok as she has nursery and grandparents visit occupying most of the week but I worry she is starting to see mummy days as boring at home.

Is it normal to have no confidence at getting out with my own kids? I feel like I haven't found it yet and it's been 9 months I've had 2!!! Help!

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Inthesky42 · 27/08/2022 14:41

I'm the same. Though I have only a 19 month gap with my two. I've found I really have to force myself to get out. I time our trips out to the park with my babies nap time so she sleeps in the pram and I can play with DC1 (2.5) I have a very real fear DC1 will run off / not listen to me and likewise a fear that I'll need to feed DC2/ get her out of the pram because she's crying etc. I still find it really stressful so we don't go out very often when it's just me and 2 DC. We have braved softplay now DC2 is crawling and that's been OK because there is a toddler Monday so only little kids there so I'm not too scared DC1 will get trampled! Best of luck, it's tough

NancyJoan · 27/08/2022 14:50

Your DD may indeed try to leg it, or may tantrum etc but your baby will be trapped in their pram, so you can safely deal with the older one in the same way you would if your out just with her.

As you have grandparents nearby, ask one of them to come along for a couple of small trips out. Explain that you want them there as an extra pair of hands just in case.

lamby12 · 27/08/2022 15:00

Thanks both @Inthesky42 how do you manage soft play with them both? My DC9months is crawling now and so much energy and DC4 is full of every so soft play would be good, I know of a few nearby with toddler bits but I don't think my DC4 would stick with us she likes to go straight for the big stuff.
I wouldn't feel comfortable DC 4 just roaming round the big bit on her own and she'd probably want me to come with her anyway which would be tricky whilst carrying baby. How do you manage it???

@NancyJoan thanks grandparents are an hour away, so we could meet somewhere (but there's nowhere suitable inbetween) but this is an option. Though it'd be probably a longer day out with travel. I'd love to just be able to pop out on my own with them both.

Once we move we will have grandparents on the doorstep so this may be easier.

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Inthesky42 · 27/08/2022 15:05

Carry the baby with you around the big bits! It helps to pick a time you know it'll be quiet (we go just after it opens on a Monday morning in term time only!) and just roll with it :p

verdantverdure · 27/08/2022 15:11

What about having a practice with another adult there but there are primed not going do anything unless it's an emergency.

Like safety net, so there's no actual danger because they're there in case of a crisis, but they hang back and let you handle it all. So you know you can.

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