It’s STILL fucking hell

[Secondchildregret]

Everything I read and everyone I talk to just says lame shit like ‘awh it’ll pass’ or ‘don’t wish it away’ or ‘it’s lush isn’t it’

No - no it’s fucking not - I just shouted at my one year old to shut up, he’s getting MORE whiney. The worst part is he actually shut up immediately and went to sleep……

Every single fucking night it’s a battle for the toddler to go to sleep 1hr + of crying and returning him to his bed. The baby is like the exorcist and keeps waking up screaming, STILL. I went as far as I could from my last post trying to find out if anything is wrong with him; after a GP three peas doctors and a consultant - he’s medically absolutely fine. Just HARD A F.

so now I’ve reached my limit, I’m just not going to respond unless it’s tragic (like vomit or something) and just let him figure it out. I can’t go on. I actually would rather die than have this sleep deprivation continue.

the end.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our www.mumsnet.com/webguide/mental-health Mental Health resources]]. You can also go to the www.samaritans.org/ Samaritans website]]
or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

Love and best wishes.

Hope your okay. It's sounds like your doing everything you can to figure it out. Some babies are shit sleepers. Do u have support? Our ds slept crap till around 1. Dh and I tag teamed. I went to bed 8-1 and dh slept 1-7. One thing is can baby put themself back to sleep? If not try to train them to as it will really help. Also no food/drink/chat if waking keep it as low key as possible. For you have you been drs? It sounds like u could do with some support,

I'm sorry, I have been where you are and sleep deprivation is torture. I honestly would help you get a sleep if I could.... This is when mumsnet can be frustrating because all I can offer is words on a page, and not very useful ones at that. But I promise, one day in the not to distant future you will be recounting this misery and talking about how bad it was. (I know, I know, it is fucking rubbish!)

It feels like it never ends... until it does and then it disappears into a puff of smoke

Really, really hoping he sleeps through for you.

I can only offer you sympathy as I also had one that was an awful sleeper. We always said if she was the first she would have been an only. If you are this stressed at the crying then you are doing the right thing in the short term by walking away. It's the safest thing for all of you. Please know you aren't alone and we know how you feel. It is absolute torture and almost impossible to see the light at the end of the tunnel at the moment but it is there xx do you have a DP/DH who can help or family who can come and stay?

Thanks. But the Samaritans are going to do fuck all to make this baby sleep.

no we can’t tag team because the house is so small you can hear it anywhere anyway, doesn’t matter if it’s ‘my night’ or ‘his night’ to wake up with the baby everyone is up every fucking time

Yes he puts himself to sleep for every nap but just wakes up wailing in the middle of the night every hours or so.

ON Repeat for a solid year! He brother was horrendous to but has got slightly better with age.

Night in a hotel?

with what money?
have you seen the prices of things

And let’s be honest I’m not going to recorder from 2.5 years of broken sleep in one night at a hotel.. am I.

I have no words of advice to offer other than I feel your pain. My 21 month old is a nightmare to get to sleep, it's taken me hours every night but one this week and I can't figure why he just went to sleep on Tuesday and was an absolute nightmare every other day. The routine, everything is always the same, the results seem to be pot luck.

I have a second on the way and I'm shitting myself. It's cold comfort but you are not alone, it's hard not to lose it at them when they wont sleep.

Well you said you'd rather die than continue with the sleep deprivation so my suggestion of a hotel was well meant because you could get some space, solid hours sleep and a bit of self care as it's clear your mental health is suffering.
I suggested it as you said you'd hear baby anyway even if your DH responded

Oh OP god love ya. I was going to NC again for this thread but actually my username is great for this thread! Been there done that. All the crap advice.

Earplugs. Hotels. DH should do it. Co sleep. Etc.

I did what you did. I just had to leave him to scream and he did vomit and I changed him and put him back five times. I went in and out but didn’t pick him up. And it worked. I don’t want to risk my own username becoming the thread but it may be worth doing.

Drop daytime naps? I know sleep begets sleep etc but if they are really tired they will sleep before they die of exhaustion. It might be a solution once a week so you get an unbroken block of a few hours and while it's probably a crap idea you sound like you tried everything else already.

Don’t really have any advice but wanted to offer solidarity!

My first son was an awful, awful sleeper and it nearly broke me. After 10 months of trying to cope with it, I paid for a Sleep Consultant to help me because I just couldn’t take it anymore. It was torture and I was so, so exhausted. He barely slept in the day and then every night he would wake up, scream for an hour, sleep for an hour, scream for an hour, sleep for an hour….. repeat, repeat and repeat! I was so unhappy so I totally understand.

My second son was not as bad as that but he still had 2-3 wakings overnight until he was just over 18 months old. I don’t know how I survived that either.

It’s really shit when babies don’t sleep and I wish there was a magic answer.

I know you said you wouldn’t be able to afford a night at a hotel so I don’t know if you could stretch to speaking to a Sleep Consultant (the one I used was £100) as they can really, really help. When I used one for my first son he went from being the terror I described above, to then sleeping through the night for 12 hours in about ten days.

Is he in a different bed? Why not just have him in with you?

I found that co-sleeping made things 100 times worse when my son hit about 7 months old. Whenever he woke up he just wanted to play and it would take even longer to get him to sleep.

Plus, going to bed alone was my only time where he wasn’t with me. I know that sounds horrible but when he was clingy with me all day, the thought of him being with me all night too was just too much. Even though the broken nights were difficult, at least I was having a few hours here and there where I was alone and it felt like it was the only respite I ever had.

When I used the Sleep Consultant for my first son he was sleeping in my room and she said the absolute first thing I must do is put him in his own room. I just couldn’t imagine how that would help, but with doing that alongside all her other instructions it made such a difference.

I have always been jealous of people whose children sleep better when they co-sleep.

I co- slept with both my children for 9 months and it worked a treat initially but the older they got the more of a nightmare it became.

I imagine you’ve probably already tried co-sleeping OP, but if not it’s definitely worth giving it a go as you may be one of the lucky ones where it really helps.

Having them in the same bed doesn't make the issues disappear. I've found it's made little difference other than the fact I don't have to physically get out of bed to deal with him.

I can’t arabella he doesn’t like it.

he likes going to sleep on his own, as he does for every single nap and to go to bed at night

he has a dummy
he hasn’t had milk at night for a while

there is no crutch like rocking or shhing

he’s never slept in our bed, likes sleeping on his own in his cot