Bed time hell with 6yo

[ittakesavillage2]

My 6 yo DD has never been easy at bed time, but I just can't cope with this any more and don't know what to do.
She goes to bed at 7pm and reads. Her light goes off at 8. She is then like a jack in the box, popping in and out of her room, wailing that she's lonely/it's too dark/she wants a hug/drink/pee etc. This can go on till past 9:30 pm. On the rare occasion she doesn't come out of her room, I can hear her jumping around her room, rearranging all the cuddly toys, etc etc. I have tried putting stories on the Tonie box but that doesn't make her stay in her room/bed either.
I've tried reward charts/removing toys/being nice/getting cross/incentives/consequences etc. Nothing makes any difference.
She's then tired the next day but it doesn't make any difference to the bed time antics. I am exhausted.

What do you do when she demands drinks/hugs/the loo/company?

What time does she wake up? 7 seems early to me (ds 5 and 7)

Move bedtime back to 7.45. She can read until 8.30.

7 isn't working for anyone.

This was my DD at age 6 too.

She’s now 7. Her lights go off about 8.15, she knows she is not allowed downstairs unless her leg falls off or there is a lion in her room, and if she does reappear she will just be sent back up on her own, there will be no “second bedtime”.

Things are much better…!

Messing about in her room is fine as lkng as she stays in her room and i agree with PP that that is a bit early for bedtime.

We are currently going through a phase of sitting in the room with our 6yo until he's asleep, he'd do the same as your DD otherwise. It's FOMO with him, he hates being alone in his room and we're all downstairs knocking about.

When I say 7 in reality it's closer to 7:45 once shower/teeth done etc. I have tried pushing it back later and she just stays up even later. She wakes up naturally around 7am.
When she comes out I say "Goodnight DD" to most things she says and "back to bed". Sometimes she bolts downstairs and leaps on me for a hug.

For context her older brother has the same bedtime and happily reads till 9pm and then just goes to sleep

I agree that that seems early. Do you "do" any aspect of bedtime with her, or does she just take herself off alone and read? Just wondering if you being there for a chat for 10-15 minutes would help.

Have you tried just sitting in the room for 15 mins after she’s finished reading? Our dd likes a bit of company and attention for a short while and then happily goes off to sleep. If this bit of time is missed for any reason then she will invariably be up for something or end up having a nightmare in the middle of the night.

Hmm. I'd say you need to shut this down, then.

'Downstairs' probably seems like fun, so you could try making 'downstairs' as boring as possible. Low light, no TV, no entertainment of any kind. If you're a TV watcher, switch it off as soon as she appears. She needs to know that there is nothing interesting going on downstairs.

When she appears, lead her back to her bedroom without talking to her. She's old enough not to be traumatised by this. Say goodnight, and leave her to it. Repeat if she appears again. Don't become embroiled in any kind of conversation.

One of my DC used to clatter around in their room for what felt like hours. However, they knew that they could only come out if they were ill/genuinely frightened about something. We used to ignore any movement post lights out, so long as they were in their own room.

Ignore me if you've done all this already!

I have a 6yo. 7pm is early. In holidays I think anything before 8pm is early if not getting up until 7am. My 6yo goes up at 8:30pm in holidays.
Honestly I would be hard with her. No talk leD her straight to bed. Continue. Continue.

Funny question, but have your really examined her diet? It's crazy how little things can have a huge impact on the ability to fall asleep. If I have just one penguin biscuit after tea that's the whole night ruined for me! Salty food, ketchup, chocolate, icecream, squash, millions of things can have a major impact. I would try making anything she has after school healthy/low salt and sugar/additive free, for several weeks, and see if it makes a difference.

My 5 year old has been doing this during the holidays.
I had to have a really firm chat with him tonight telling him that he can't be leaving his room messing about and for the first time he's stayed in his room and gone to sleep. I did tell him I'd keep coming in every ten minutes.
I told him at the start of the holidays I'd take him to smiths toys at the end of the summer as a treat so I've been using that as a bit of bribery too 🙈
It's a tricky one because I don't want him to feel like he can't come to me during the night if something isn't right, but I know full well he's pushing boundaries right now.
In my mind if he's in his room then it doesn't bother me too much if he's messing about, I just don't want him downstairs getting distracted and meaning I can't get in with things.
I'm hoping this irons out when he goes back to school 😳

Also I take my son upstairs at approx 7ish, brush teeth toilet reading etc. I normally leave him around 7:45/8. Feeling like that might be too early after reading this thread but it doesn't matter what time he goes to bed he's awake at 6 and I don't want him to not have enough sleep 😬

DD same age goes to bed just after 7 then we settle down with a book and maybe a game of memory then she can play or draw until she gets tired and goes to bed. She chooses when and turns her own light off but I do have a cut off point of 9:30. She often goes to bed a bit earlier but is also regularly up until this time. Making 8:15 lights off just wouldn’t work. She still comes downstairs sometimes for a drink or to show us a drawing but generally she stays in her room unwinding.

For me it’s toilet before bed, water by bed, no need to come out the room- room dark so can’t play. Comes out, return no convo- keeps messing around there’s consequences eg. No pudding tomorrow etc.

Your 6yr old goes to bed at 9.30- is that in term time? Aren’t they shattered at school?

Would you not let her read for longer and see if she falls asleep x

My eldest turned 7 in July and bedtime has been between 8 and 9 for at least 18 months, he was exactly the same with an earlier bedtime. Occasionally he tries it on and does the up and down game but he’s sent to bed on his own unless there’s a genuine reason as to why he’s gotten up.

My 6 year old is a nightmare too, luckily she doesn't get out the bed once she is in it, but she calls us at least 3 or 4 times because she's hot/needs a drink/needs a cuddle/saw a shadow etc. So annoying though isn't it!? I swear I wasn't like that as a child!! I have nothing to suggest to you, but you are not alone.