How to leave 1yo @ nursery

[AmIDoingItRight]

I'm currently slipping away when she isn't looking and is distracted...
She's super clingy to me, always has been.
I find if I slip away she's not left crying...but I guess once she realises I'm gone she may cry I just don't see it...

What's the best thing to do? Carry on slipping away unnoticed or make a point of saying goodbye, you'll be fine, I love you, see you later?!

Don't make a big deal out of saying goodbye. If she's distracted when you leave then she probably won't cry after. Ime it's only parents that make a big song and dance about leaving that get the waterworks. Even if she does cry when you leave the nursery staff will have her sorted in 10 minutes max. You really don't need to worry

Having worked in nurseries I always think a quick goodbye then leave straight away is best, not knowing when you might suddenly disappear is probably going to make her separation anxiety worse.

She needs to learn that you are going to leave her but your always going to come back. Hard as it is don't hang around as all that teaches them is the more distraught they get the longer you stay. Hop this helps it's horrible when they don't want you to leave but most nurseries will let you phone in half an hour later and can reassure you how she's doing.

Just go. I have two clingy children. Give them to the nursery nurse, quick 'I love you' and tell them you'll be back later and go (and sob quietly in the car if it's been a tough one!)

I agree with the everyone else, slipping away causes more anxiety as they don't know when you are going to disappear so will likely make them clingier. A quick, smiley Bye bye, I'll be back later! And go - no lingering it makes it worse! They will cry but they will stop soon enough and learn you will always come back.

As above, say goodbye and leave.

make a point of saying goodbye, you'll be fine, I love you, see you later
This is perfect, keep it brief and chipper, and then leave.

Yes make it quick, big bright smile, quick hug and kiss and leave (and don't look back).

Drop and run!

I agree it's better to be clear that you are leaving and be happy about it. Sneaking off probably does more to increase separation anxiety in the long run.

I always think a quick goodbye then leave straight away is best, not knowing when you might suddenly disappear is probably going to make her separation anxiety worse.

This.

OK thanks everyone. I basically get to the garden gate as that's where they handover and she's learned I'm going to dissappear (we're on our 3rd settling session) so she starts to whinge and wrap her whole body around me.
Today I put her down tried to get her to walk in on her own, she wanted to be picked up and basically climbed up me. So I went in, squatted down to her level got her over to a table to show her some toys and the other children, she kept coming back for reassurance then she walked a little further away got into something and I snuck out the gate.

When in the above should I have "detatched" and done the bright and breezy goodbye? I wanted her to go off on her own happy to avoid the tears, should I have done it then or at the table or peeled her off me at the gate and legged it hearing her have a meltdown?! Which goes against every grain of my body 😥

It might sound silly as she's so young but it's worth prepping her as you're leaving the car 'Mummy is going for a little bit. I will bring you in the gate and say goodbye. I will see you later.' Then at time, perhaps having brought her in after she'd climbed up 'See you later. Love you lots.' Ideally she'll have an adult there to comfort her? Sneaking away a big no no, sorry op, but it will have likely increased anxiety, as you say she knows you're going. Be open and ok with her totally normal feelings. Have the nursery allowed for a decent settling, do you feel rushed to leave? Make sure you're happy with the separation, as much as possible. Again, I think a comforting and warm adult would help and allow her to cry while reassuring she'll see you later and then redirect to play.

@mikado1 thank you. I feel really bad about the sneaking...guess I've done it to spare my feelings to 🤦🏼‍♀️
I do feel under pressure to go but because I know she'll scream the place down if she doesn't go of her own accord that's also why I've done what I've done?!
The lady who I'd her key worker couldn't be better, she so happy and warm, perfect really.
They don't put me under pressure as it were it's just the society/culture I guess that it should be quick and easy?!

I’m doing nursery transition with my 1 year old at the moment. He’s done a few sessions and has been more clingy at home recently - crying if I leave the room, which he never usually does.

Personally I always make it clear I’m going. “Mummy’s going now, bye bye” and hand him over to nursery worker (crying).

I think it’s better to be clear than sneaking off. So that they know where they stand and aren’t worried in other situations that you might just leave without saying bye.

3rd settling in session is still very early. My DD (10months when she started nursery) took around 2 weeks of 3 sessions a week before she stopped crying on handover. But since then she loves nursery and literally jumps out of the buggy into the keyworkers arms without so much a backward glance 🙄😂 I do hug, kiss, ring the bell, hand her over to worker, wave bye bye and see "ill be back later!" and then walk off and have done that since the start. In the crying days, i would literally run away with her screaming but i had to go back to work so needed her to get used to it. She was all good in the end!

I went through this 6 months ago with my clingy little one. Bright and happy “bye bye now” at the drop of point and leg it. The first few times I called up a couple hours in to check how she was- is this an option? Was reassuring to hear she was settled and no longer crying. She did spend the first few days demeaning to be carried every where with her key person- but they were ok with this. She wanders in perfectly contently now and gives me a wave!

I know you feel bad and sorry to have said it, but it makes sense when you consider it. Remember her upset is a reflection of the wonderful attachment you have and completely normal at her age. Her worker sounds lovely and you want her to form an attachment with her. Maybe you could chat to her for reassurance on it being OK for her to cry and need hugs for a little while - I remember a lovely lady in my son's preschool rocking a 3yo after drop off for the first days, so lovely to see it. Soon he ran happily in to her. What we resist persists, so sneaking away and distracting or saying she'll have great fun is avoiding her having a hard time. It will get easier and you won't know yourself. Do try the little ritual of prepping her, you might be surprised how effective it is. It will help reassure her on the repeated nature of it all and increase her trust.

With a big smile on your face “Goodbye baby, I will pick you up later, have a lovely day!” Then leave.

They will be upset in the beginning but they need to learn to trust that you’ll come and pick them up again. And the tears soon stop once they’ve been cuddled and settled to an activity

Detach child and hand over to key worker. Smile, breezy "Mummy loves you. Mummy will be back later", then exit quickly. Anything else prolonges it. For the first few weeks, the staff would send me a photo of my DC happily playing 15 minutes later, which cheered me up.

I’m a nursery nurse and early years practitioner.
Please do a breezy goodbye and immediately leave.
Ideally, don’t say ‘you’ll be fine’ as this suggests that they might not be fine.
Say ‘Have fun, see you later.’

Of course it isn’t easy and doesn’t always go to plan. Staff aren’t unsympathetic but they are busy.
It’s harder to establish a bond with a child if the parent is there, as the child naturally gravitates back to the parent.

You could try having a more positive handover by taking a gift for the key worker.
Something your dd can carry and present herself eg a flower from your garden, or a picture she has drawn.
Any nursery staff worth her salt will be surprised and delighted, show everyone the picture or find a container to give the flower a drink.
This is when you smile, wave, and walk away.

I own a Nursery - the easiest thing is to drop off with a smile, be super cheery even if baby is making a fuss, wave a leave. Keep it as short as possible.
When doing pick up, do not make a big song and dance about being there as it will reinforce the idea that you going away is a bad thing.

The staff should be consistent and working at forming a bond with her, and distract on arrival.

It passes quite quickly

I've found the easiest thing to do is to be really calm and breezy even if your heart is breaking! Just leave her at the gate instead of going in, with a big smile and a "have a great day darling, mummy will be back later!" And just hand her over even if she's upset. Nursery workers are well used to it and normally it makes it worse if the parent drags out the goodbye.

My DS never had a problem settling til he moved to the preschool room in his nursery, and at that point we had maybe 2 full weeks of sobbing and "don't want to go mummyyyy". I trusted the staff who've known him since he was tiny so I just gave him a kiss and said see you later, and the staff were brilliant and whisking him away to his favourite activity and usually by the time I walked the length of the building he had stopped crying. It's tough but it passes.