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Original poster

DS (3) won't wear a bike helmet

20 replies

neverbeenskiing · 25/08/2022 08:16

DS is turning 4 in a couple of months. For context, his nursery teachers have suggested he may have some ADHD/Autism traits. He loves any kind of vehicle, is obsessed with anything with wheels. He has a balance bike and a scooter and loves them so for his birthday we had planned to get him his first proper bike.

Unfortunately, he has become really resistant to wearing a helmet over the past few months. He will ask to go on his scooter but as soon as I put his helmet on him, or even near him, he gets really distressed and refuses to wear it. He cries and lashes out and seems genuinely scared. When we ask why he doesn't want to wear a helmet he says it "hurts" him but we're certain it isn't too tight or anything so not sure how this can be the case. We've asked where it hurts and he indicates under his chin where the strap goes but even if we loosen this he still gets very upset and claims it hurts.

DH bought him a helmet with his favourite TV character on thinking that might help, he got excited when he first saw it but when DH tried to put it on him he went ballistic. He desperately wants to ride a "big boys bike" and we've explained that he cannot do this unless he wears a helmet but he is still adamant he can't wear one.

Has anyone else had this problem and how did you get past it? I just can't see how he's ever going to learn to ride a bike and feel sad for him that he's going to miss out.

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Birdybirdbirdy · 25/08/2022 08:24

I think you’re completely right to make this non negotiable. Have you tried taking him to a bike shop and getting him to try several on to find one that he is happy with? Him
feeling like he has some choice with it might help.

DreamingofItaly2023 · 25/08/2022 08:26

DS wouldn’t wear a helmet at that age either. He is now 6 and will and is learning to ride a bike now, there is no rush.

Isthisexpected · 25/08/2022 08:29

Just because he's not going to be able to ride it now doesn't mean in a few months or years, watching peers ride their bikes, he won't be able to cope with having a helmet on briefly and then gradually learn to tolerate it.

If it's a sensory issue rather than a typical toddler autonomy issue I wonder why it's started now after being fine originally?

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TheYearOfSmallThings · 25/08/2022 08:33

No helmet no bike. None of them like wearing it and all of them try to refuse it, but the choice is theirs - No helmet? No problem! But then no bike.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 25/08/2022 08:35

No helmet no bike/scooter. For me it is non negotiable

TeenDivided · 25/08/2022 08:36

Can you get padding for the chin strap (a bit like shoulder straps on bags sometimes have some extra material?

pictish · 25/08/2022 08:39

I understand. My ds2 is on the autistic spectrum and really struggled to accept a helmet.
I simply stuck to my guns, no helmet, no bike. Bike = helmet. End of.
He gave in eventually. Took ages.

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 25/08/2022 08:42

I'm autistic with 2 autistic children and some things are non negotiable.

EsmeeMerlin · 25/08/2022 08:44

As others have said no helmet=no bike. It's the one thing I feel I cannot budge on. I too have an asd child. There is no rush to him riding a bike so if it takes ages for him to wear the helmet than it takes ages. Perhaps show him pictures of other children on their bikes and their helmets. Although it does not help that so many go out on bikes without a helmet on!

Silverbirch2 · 25/08/2022 08:49

I work in asd school and it's really common. It's no negotiable though. We let dc sit on the bikes and then they have choice to ride with helmet or get off. It's a loooooonnnnnnngggggg process but they all get to the helmet choice eventually.

justaladyLOL · 25/08/2022 08:49

I would sell the bike

MyBrilliantFriend · 25/08/2022 08:52

Did his skin ever get pinched putting it on? That happened to my ds once and he still mentions it every single time we put his helmet on - it’s probably been 3 years!

You’re right to make it non-negotiable though. Persist & I’m sure he’ll get there eventually - 4 is still very young to be riding a bike so don’t feel it won’t ever happen.

Sprogonthetyne · 25/08/2022 08:52

Maybe he accidentally have got his skin nipped in the clip one time when putting it on, and that's where the fears come from?

Is it possible to loosen the strap so you can hold it away from him to fasten, then tighten it up again when it's on him? Maybe show him how your going to do it on a teddy, so he knows it can't nip him again.

WeightoftheWorld · 25/08/2022 08:59

Helmets are non-negotiable here for bikes and scooters in this house. When DD wouldn't wear one, she didn't get to ride them. We had a few incidents when she was about 3 in parks where she was refusing to wear it, so the scooter/bike got taken back to the car (or not even taken out of it in the first place). Tantrumming was ignored and the rule was reiterated. She got over it eventually, at 4 she wears it happily and loves whizzing about on bike and scooter.

Original poster
neverbeenskiing · 25/08/2022 09:04

I completely agree with all of you saying no helmet, no bike. There's no way he's going to he allowed to ride a bike or scooter without a helmet, sorry if that wasn't clear from my post. We were just wanting tips on how to get him over his aversion to the helmet so he can hopefully ride one eventually.

We've tried putting the helmet on a Teddy and getting him to do it up etc which he enjoyed but then when we said "ok, would you like to have a turn now?" he freaked out.

We took him to a bike shop and showed him all the different helmets, he liked looking at them but wouldn't try one on.

He sees his older sister riding a bike with her helmet on, and DH too and always says he wants to ride with them, but as soon as I say "ok ill just get your helmet" he goes into meltdown and then gets really upset that he can't go.

We haven't tried padding for the chin strap, will give that a go.

I can't recall his skin ever getting pinched putting his helmet on and neither can DH. He just seems to find the idea of it being under his chin intolerable. We also can't zip coats or hoodies all the way up.

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 25/08/2022 10:02

You're overthinking it - they just don't like wearing them. I wouldn't get into any campaign of helmet acceptance or any debates about it, just "No helmet? No bike (sadface)" and straight on to something else.

hoorayandupsherises · 25/08/2022 10:09

It shame you said about not wearing hoodies as I was going to suggest that. I have ASD/ADHD but love wearing hats etc. I prefer wearing a helment over a thin beanie or buff than on its own.

A friend's daughter refuses to wear a cycle helmet but loves her Uvex horse riding hat so wears that on the bike instead.

Mariposista · 25/08/2022 10:37

No helmet, no bike. I force my boyfriend to take a helmet with him to pick up a city bike (one of those that you can pick up and drop off elsewhere). He laughed at me at first, until one of his friends had a very serious near miss on a bike and was saved by his helmet. You don't even need to be traveling at speed to have a terrible accident. Don't be swayed on this OP.

Goldbar · 25/08/2022 10:53

I would just let him get round to wearing it in his own time. If he wants to ride his bike and he sees his older sister having fun on hers, eventually he'll agree to wear the helmet so he can have a go. I'm not sure you need any strategies to overcome this - it doesn't really matter if he learns to ride a bike at 5 or 6 rather than 4 and there are lots of other fun things he can do in the meantime. This is something I just wouldn't stress over.

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