Four year old constantly kissing me

[NotMyDayJob]

How can I kindly and constructively ask my nearly five year old to stop kissing me.

We are a cuddly and affectionate family so she is hopefully already getting a lot of love and attention but she has developed this thing where she runs up to me and kisses whatever exposed skin she can see, so just my arm, or my leg or hand or whatever and she does it several times an hour. It's probably linked to having a recent baby arrive (6 months) but she is still getting attention and time with us and I'll be honest this kissing this is driving me up the wall. it makes me skin crawl and and I need to do something constructive before I shout.

Ah I think it'll pass. DD has become markedly more outwardly affectionate since DD2 arrived, she'll randomly kiss us lots of times a day or tell us she loves us, etc. I figure it's just her little brain working everything out. She adores her baby sister but balanced with that is probably the feeling that her world has changed.

I get the touched out thing. I don't have that problem but my sensory trigger is noise, so when DD1 is saying 'Mummy, Mummy, Mummy' and DD2 is crying and the dog is barking cos the door has gone I feel like I'm melting into a puddle on the floor 🫠

This really sad. 😔

I agree with @Octopuscrazy. Poor DD.

Have you even read what I've written?

The reactions to OP being honest are astounding. Yes constant needy kisses get on most people's nerves! Agree with the "redirection" to a high five or saying "love you" instead, as in previous posts. Maybe something like, "oh not wet kisses! What about making me a lovely card or a picture instead?" Something she can pour her love into and distract her for a bit.

No advice as this post has made me sad
Saying your skin crawls is a bit OTT
My DD (16) recoils from any hug or anything from me
But is v v tactile with her friends

My son is mildly autistic and doesn’t leave me alone either

I understand OP, it gets a bit much.

extra reassurance in every other way is needed! I think he doesn’t it when he’s anxious really.

I understand this. I can see it from your side and your child’s. They’re wanting reassurance but the way she’s going about it isn’t great, obvs as she’s just a little one.
I think it’s absolutely fine to teach her about physical boundaries and also support her needs for reassurance.
my 5 year old gets told that ‘mummy doesn’t want to cuddle right now’ when I am touched out (have a clingy toddler also).
we come up with different things, we pull our invisible strings, give high fives (we kiss our palms before we high five).

This is so sad. I do get the touched out thing but overly needy children are almost always acting through insecurity, and saying it makes your skin crawl is really harsh. My ex stepson was very similar, over the top affectionate and touchy, climbing all over me when I was trying to breastfeed his sister and touching me constantly. If I kissed the baby's head he would leap across the room to make sure he got a kiss too etc. The only solution is love bombing and lots of extra attention/ affection in a way that you prefer. I do agree about conversations about bodily autonomy as well but it needs to be brought up sensitively because the more pushed away she feels the worse this will get.

This is as well as telling me she loves me every five minutes. She doesn't stop talking and if there's a gap she fills it by telling me she loves me.

• this is sad. That and it makes your skin crawl? You don't want to be kissed, fine, but what's wrong with her saying she loves you? She's obviously desperate for affection and reassurance with the new baby around. It's really sad to read.

Good lord, some of you need to get back over to AIBU. This is parenting and I'm asking a perfectly reasonable question.

Just to reassure everyone (I understand why you might think this). DD is not doing this because she's not getting affection elsewhere.

I completely understand she is feeling a bit insecure etc with the new baby, and it possibly stems from the fact that when DD2 was born I was in and out of hospital for the best part of two weeks while DD2 was in NiCU and then readmitted. Outside of the constant kissing, I am still giving DD1 cuddles, kisses, we tell each other we love each, I praise her for good behaviour or doing clever things. I do bed time with her probably 4 nights out of 7 and even when I don't do a full bedtime because DH is doing it, I'll go in and say good night. She has a very hands on dad (although he does have to travel a bit) and she has very affectionate and engaged DGMs. She is not doing this because there is no regular affection she is doing this in addition to regular affection.

I've asked for advice because at the moment I am grinning and bearing it and I would hate to end up snapping or shouting because it gets too much. I also think it probably is a good idea to teach her about bodily autonomy (after other posters have articulated this) but i want to make sure I do it properly so she doesn't get upset.

For those of you telling me you feel sorry for DD well if you are OK being suddenly kissed in what are unusual (leg) or intimate (back of neck) places, several times an hour, without warning then well done, you're better than me. For the poster who said what is wrong with telling me she loves me, absolutely nothing, but I cannot overstate how much DD1 talks (it's from the moment she wakes up til the moment she goes to sleep. she's the sort of child who doesn't get tired. she's either awake or asleep and there's no in between), and if there is any break in conversation she says it, I think to fill the gap, and it can 10 times plus an hour, that combined with everything else is just a bit overwhelming.

Thanks to posters who have given understanding and constructing advice, I really appreciate it. I was just feeling a bit overwhelmed this morning as I have DD1 and DD2 on my own today, but we are off to the park now for her to run off some steam.

I get you OP, our three year old does this. He HOWLED the other night because he would not stop licking the back of my neck and it is... uniquely disgusting tbh.

Just redirect redirect redirect. In our case also seems to be a response to new ones. He is cuddled and loved constantly, it's just a phase that requires all the wet wipes.

I think a lot of people are saying it’s sad because it’s obviously coming from a place of deep insecurity, she is desperate for reassurance that you still love her, and that’s really sad. Not saying that’s your fault, some kids are just naturally more anxious and change upsets them, but it is sad she feels this way.

I would ask if her if she’s feeling worried about something or if she’s upset about the baby. Maybe you can address the root cause?

It's not like she's going to do it forever. She's 4!! And had a new sibling. You just sound so angry in your posts.

Again, have you actually read what I've written? Respectfully I don't sound angry, frustrated maybe, but not angry.

I would hate this too OP. I understand where you are coming from. I agree with redirection. High Fives seem like a good call.

I do take your point but I don't think she's deeply insecure, I think she's a very affectionate child who's used to being the sole focus of everyone's attention. As I said this is in addition to a healthy amount of family affection including from me.

I would have already asked her not to by now so you've done well to keep it in this long!

My 7 year old has decided he wants to snog us and it's just too much...It comes from a lovely place but I have just had to say to him that I don't like it but love his normal cuddles and kisses

Have you asked her to stop? As kindly as possible obviously?

Agreed here too. Poor girl, she's only 4 😕

This! How can people who've had children not understand how touched out you can get? It's so normal! Sympathies OP!

This makes me sad. Why you reject your child's kisses ? She is kissing you so much because that is her non-verbal communication that she loves mama and she is feeling insecure. So what damage do you by rejecting her kisses ?

Spend time with her one on one , give her kisses back, give her cuddles. Tell her how much you love her and she now has a very important job of being BIG sister...involve her in helping with the baby..give her reward stars for doing it.

Please don't send away those kisses.

My DD kisses me constantly. She is only going to be little once, embrace it. Grin and bear it - whatever. You need to put up with it and change your mindset over it.

Yes I have read the full post, and thread and I still feel sad for your DD

My now 15 year old used to do that. I also couldn’t stand it and that feeling of random wet kisses on bare skin used to give me the shivers. Its not a rejection of the child’s affection, if you don’t like it you don’t like it!
I remember I used to redirect the kisses by saying something like I don’t like kisses on my leg/ arm/ neck etc but love them on my cheek or lips. Used to go something like Oh lovely kisses for mummy, remember not on the leg but on the….. and thank you for my lovely kisses. Something like that anyways. It worked because she no longer kisses me on random body parts 😂
it’s also an opportunity to learn that it’s ok not to like someone doing something to your body and to say so. Body autonomy etc without her feeling rejected.

Good for you, you're obviously a much better parent than me

Thank you this is really helpful. It's interesting becuase occasionally she will say she doesn't want a cuddle or whatever, and we respect that because it's OK for her not to want to be touched, but it's been difficult to turn that around without hurting her feelings.