Lovebombing

[Lucyintheskywithrubies]

How do I do it? DC2 age 5 and I have really disconnected but we have some time together this weekend just one on one and I want to try this. But wouldn't he just choose to watch TV all day if I relinquish control?! Or is that the point?

Take him out to avoid the tv. Or actively watch tv together- ask about characters/ what’s happening etc?

Well I thought it wasn't up to me - like I let him do what he wants but I do it with him? But I am not sure that's how it works? @Danikm151

He's five! You must know stuff he enjoys (zoo, play park whatever). Just go out for that, then take him for a lunch or ice cream and sit and chat for a bit. Then you could come home and maybe bake a cake/make cookies, do some painting/ or play a video game together if all else fails. Something you can actually do together.
If you are to reconnect do it through his interests but also at five they may not have definite things because they have limited experiences.
Not sure why you think you have to 'relinquish control'. Be actively engaged - it can just be a walk in the park and visit to the playground with an ice cream after. But do it - don't just sit in the side watching.

I think you're mixing up lovebombing with "say yes to everything days/free choice" days.

Lovebombing and 'yes' days are different.

Lovebombing is about being present and connecting. If you go to the park, you play with them. If you watch a film, you snuggle up. If you bake/paint/play with toys, you're fully engaged with each other. And throughout you're reaffirming with positive language and zero expectations or pressure.

This is quite a good explainer.

Love bombing

If it's a yes day then you can still have control - give choices throughout the day and set a budget so you're not spending a fortune. I saw some one on Instagram did this and it was a choice of morning activity, afternoon activity, lunch and treat.

@AlexandriasWindmill @Treabrea thank you that is so helpful!!!

I have a 7 year old daughter who feigns disinterest in anything I suggest but then usually enjoys it.
She likes jigsaws, lying down together having a cuddle while listening to a story book, going to the cinema, for a cycle or walk, going for a hot chocolate, watching a programme she has chosen together.
If we are eating, then making it together will involve us going and buying the ingredients together, her helping set the table, make the lunch and then sitting opposite each other and properly chatting.

It depends on what your 5yo likes doing, but if I'm trying to connect and be 'present' for my DC of around the same age, here's some things we might do:

• Make pancakes or waffles for breakfast with various toppings.
• Go swimming. DC has 100% of my attention when we're swimming for obvious reasons so it's a good call for spending time together and making up silly games.
• Go for hot chocolate or a treat in a cafe afterwards and take some books to read.
• Print a treasure hunt list and go on a woodland walk and try to find the things together. DC loves hunting for spider webs and squirrels if they're on a list that they get to tick 😁.
• Do painting or cutting and sticking together (rather than me just setting it up for DC to do alone). We'll usually pick a theme like 'fish' or 'rockets'. Once the picture is finished and dry, we sometimes put it in an envelope and address it to 'granny' (either my mother or MIL) and then walk round to the post box to post it together. DC loves posting things and it gets his 'creations' out of the house 😂.
• Make pizza for lunch. DC loves helping to make the dough and rolling out, and then we'll add various toppings.

We'll often watch a movie late afternoon and DC and I will take turns choosing. We make popcorn and then cuddle up next to each other with a big bowl on the sofa.

I would tend to give some choices ("would you like to make pizza or cupcakes?", "would you like to do painting or playdoh?") and let them choose from those, rather than giving complete free choice. Given free choice, DC would probably choose soft play or adventure playground, neither of which I would usually do with them (as opposed to watching on the side).

Love bombing is a feature of abusive relationships and will make him feel more uncertain. I would look for ways you can connect on a daily basis.

Love bombing as a parenting technique is not the same as love bombing in an abusive relationship. One is about re-establishing connection and fostering self-confidence and self-esteem. The other is about coercion, control and creating instability.

@Goldbar super helpful thanks for taking the time to reply x