I want another baby- family think I am mad and will have a harder life

[CrushWithEyeliner]

I have been feeling ridiculously down about this and really would love to hear everyone's advice or if they have been through something similar. DD is 1 nd I have been having some feelings toward having another, they are not really strong but it does cross my mind v often. The thing is DD was a really unsettled baby and the first 6-9 months were tough to say the least, I got a lot, I mean a lot of support from my DM who thinks I would be mad to do it again when things are just getting on track. Also DH is older so I don't have bags of time to play around with - we are OK financially and can stretch to Independent schools (important to me), nice house etc etc which me may not be able to finance if we have two. I don't want to do it just to keep up with my friends who are all trying again and sometimes I think that is why I get a yearning. I also have lots of things I would like to pursue in my life that would have to be put on hold completely, not to mention any "fun"social life which I find v hard to put time aside for. I was a girl who really missed my old life..I am going mad!

I know no one will have any magic answer for me I just would love to know if anyone felt the same and stopped at one or didn't and how it went for them xx

having some feelings towards having another doesn't mean that you have to do this right now

what is the rush? Do you think your dh is going to be too old to conceive another child? This is rarely so much of an issue for men

why not wait a year and see how you feel?

Why don't you wait a while and see how you feel? Another six months or year or even 2 or 3 years isn't going to make a huge difference, is it?

Your dm won't be having a baby, you will. It's up to her how much support she wants to give you.

And you won't get the same baby twice - this one could sleep all night from day one and never cry [flying pig] OK, maybe not, but ykwim. You don't get the same baby twice.

I think a lot of people see a trade off - get having babies all over and done with in a few years vs getting my life back (and a breather) first. Only you know the answer to that one. And there's nowt wrong with stopping at one child.

What does your dh think?

PS OT, but REM fan?

well I rationalised that after 3 years if I have a newborn that will be like starting all over again and thus be much harder whereas now I will still be in baby "mode".
I think that 54 is pushing it a bit for a man isn't it?

oh not hugely WT I just do love that song!

DH said he would to make me happy but he is always at work and long hours and can only be hands on at weekends, I wouldn't get loads of help from him hence DM's reaction...she thinks it would honestly ruin my life and she had 3 herself!

i've stopped at one,for quite a few reasons(never say never),but i suppose biggest reason is that i don't want to go through the sleepless years again,and i have my own space back now she's 5.5.Was very broody and even tried before xmas,but lost interest,(i think due to xmas and illnesses,and suspect my depression has crept back,further reducing motivation/energy e.t.c.).i've just been a horrible mummy because of tiredness/illness and feel things would only get worse with another(don't believe husband would provide enough physical help to counteract this).i'm very jekyll and hide though because part of me misses the cuddles that you get more with babies/toddlers and would like to do babycare again,the other bit is the only child loner in me that wants plenty of my own space and sooo glad don't have to do potty training e.t.c. again,.I've driven myself nuts with the decision for 3 years and to be honest feel in the same state of mind as in the beginning.all i say to myself is that if i'd really wanted it,surely i would have taken action by now?!!
in conclusion,i feel like i am going at the pace that won't tip me over the edge at the moment(as in only one child to sort-think two would make my head spin).
you have to ask yourself if you think you have 'enough on your plate' right now,whether you are happy with the dynamics of your family as it is,and the main reason...if you really want to raise a child from 0-20(?!)again.
my main enjoyment of one has been meeting all her needs and having one-one and having no sibling issues to sort out.
i think a lot about life with 2 teenagers arrrghhh!
i could go on all night,but better go now.
good luck whatever you decide.
BTW-do not miss my old life/job at all,had no social life pre-baby,so all fullfillment to me,focuses on childcare now and my DH...i have no future dreams either,so you would think another child would be perfect for me,but something inside is holding me back-alarm bells and all that...or maybe i'm just too scared and will not take the risk-wish i could grab life by the horns more.just feel my DD would 'lose' so much of me though and would have all that hassle of trying to give both children very seperate social lives due to the big age gap and having to manager a lot on my own because Dh is working a lot/very inefficient when around.

thank -you hah I can relate to so much you say, esp the sleepless "years". It must be so hard lof - thanks for your honesty x

I have an 18m old and also getting pangs of desire for another. Esp when I see a pregnant woman. I think you should wait a little while and see if this is really what you want, or if its hormones/nostalgia/desire to get an easier baby next time round/keeping up with friends?

Even if your DH is a little older, another 6 months-year wont make a difference really, give you time to enjoy your current LO, and find out if its really a desire to have another baby. If it is after this time, go for it!

i agree with everyone about waiting,as i feel very different about parenting now,than i did when DD was 1,plus i've seen all the things you have to go through with each toddler/pre-school stage and know more what i would be letting myself in for again(thats a good reason not to wait too long though!!!).it does complicate the picture somewhat.yes babyhood is very fuzzy to me now and perhaps i see it through rosier specs because it has been so long.TBH,my Dh is 38 buts acts like 60 most of the time.it all comes down to personality/energy/time/enthusiasm a DH has,but i really think he should have had kids younger...he's got so set in his ways and burns his own candle with work more now than he used to.he's happy to have another,but i think the noise/buzz of two would get to him as i think it would me...we're just very 'quiet' onlies who like a lot of alone time.he's not got the right personality for a large family.he's not much patience for playing with her either.my PIL were parents at 40 and now say they wish they had kids younger would have had more energy e.t.c...on the plus side your's would have each other with the small gap so wouldn't rely on you both too much to be playmates(very draining!).If your Dh would have another to make you happy it sounds like he's not on the idea himself 100%,and i personally would want my DH 100% on board.
hope this isn't too waffly...just want to give food for thought!.
the broodiness hits you like a jet when they turn about 2,because,they are so 'independant' and i felt the huge change as a big hole for quit a while.still get nostalgic now.it seems to come in waves now!