Typical toddler or reason for concern

[Piplette]

My dd is turning 3 in 2 months. She's always been a feisty child - very different from her older sibling.

Physically she developed quickly and was mobile much more quickly but her speech is lagging behind partly due to issues with her tongue - we're awaiting ent referral and attending speech therapy and she is improving - this may or may not be relevant to her behaviour issues.

I'll use today as an example. She was grouchy this morning and made it difficult for me to get her sister ready for school - she constantly hits/pushes/attempts to bite her older sister whenever her sister is getting attention.

Then in the afternoon she was getting tired and was trying to do something with one of her toys and couldn't quite manage. I tried to help but she took a massive tantrum and started throwing toys against the wall and at me.

I then had to get her ready to go pick her sister up from school. Cue another melt down where she scratched, bit and kicked me as I tried to get her into her buggy. She did fall asleep so tiredness is a factor but not always.

This is totally new territory for us as her sister is very different. I don't know if this is just a phase or if we need to worry about this and get help to support her in managing her emotions.

I'd appreciate any advice!

I'd be tempted to put like 80% of this down to frustration at bit being able to properly communicate. And the other 20% is due to 2yr olds being little demons sent to test us.

My son is close to 4 now but from a month or two before turning 3 he was hell. He was never easy, but this was something different and he started displaying those sorts of behaviours you describe. It’s been such a hard hard year. He’s bright and fine at preschool (mostly). He did get a new baby during the year and I think that has thrown him off kilter. He is slowly finding his way back to himself and the wildest of the behaviour has stopped. But he does seem to have rage that I don’t understand. I have spoken to the health visitor a few times and found her helpful. If you have a good one I’d recommend that. I agree with previous poster that frustration with communication is likely to be a factor too.

Is her tongue issue affecting her sleep?

If it's tongue tie itñ can cause mouth breathing alongside other things. The tongue should ideally press up against the roof of the mouth during sleep which allows you to breath through your nose. Mouth breathing can cause issues with attention and may be contributing to poor quality sleep and even sleep apnea.

I think it would explain the tired frustration you describe.

Have you tried sign language to assist with communication? Makaton is designed for children.

Try reading The Explosive Child

Meant to add and osteopath can assist with tensions caused by a tongue tie. This can allow more freedom of movement without it being cut.

Apology if I've incorrectly assumed it is tongue tie rather than another issue. Regardless, osteopath may still be a good shout.

It sounds like a normal phase at this age OP. Try to stop comparing her to her older sibling, as I'm not sure that's helping. What do you do when she hits and bites?

Thanks for all the comments.

It's not tongue tie that's fine issue but she seems to have a large tongue and is always sticking it out even when talking. It doesn't affect sleep although she does snore a bit.

In terms of comparing to her sister, it's not just that she is different from her sister but her behaviour seems extreme compared to others her age.

Im hoping it is related to her speech as she's getting support for that. She is a very smart little girl so hopefully her mouth just needs to catch up.

In terms of how I deal with behaviour. I tend to pop her in her room for 5 minutes - she's throw things around and then go quiet. I'll the pop my head in and she usually says sorry, we have a cuddle and I talk to her about not hitting etc and trying to take deep breaths and keep calm.

I wouldnt be putting her in her room at this age - it gives her the message that you don't want to be around her, that your love and attention is dependent on her being "good" and that can lead to insecurities which will in turn lead to bad behaviour.

She is three so not unusual behsviour
But
Has she actually got a very large tongue? There are syndromes associated with macroglossia (beckwith weideman)
Or is it low muscle tone?
Are you supplementing speech using signs pictures ? Does she have sny words? UnderstNding? What does nursery suggest?
Now and next boards
Now , play
Next we will go out

She's been diagnosed with possible BWS due to macroglossia and other markers (although genetic tests were negative).

Re putting her in her room. It seems to work best to calm her. I'm not sure what other options are as she's being physical and just keeps hitting/throwing things otherwise.

It s all communucation
Behaviour is communucation
Work with the slt
Ask them for ideas schedule boards etc

Sounds just like my son who is a similar age. He has epic meltdowns when he's frustrated, just like you've described. Only difference is that he tends to more hit himself with a toy, bite his arm, or bang his head on the floor when frustrated. He rarely hits others.
He has definitely improved over the last few months as his speech has improved and he can communicate why he's so frustrated (he is very active and a complete whirlwind, like your DD by the sounds of it!). We tend to sit near him, so he knows we're there, but ignore the tantrums. When he calms down he comes in for a cuddle. Hang in there!