8 month sleep regression? Help I'm losing my mind

[Kitcatkor]

Hi all, since my baby hit 8 months his sleep has escalated becoming progressively worse. From 6 weeks to 4m he slept through, since 4m he woke 1-3 times a night, and since 8 months he has been waking up to 7 times. I'm losing my absolute mind, I feel like it's fragmented into pieces. Every time I put my head on the pillow to sleep he wakes again.
Has anyonr else exp this at this age? He recently started crawling and pulling up and is 80% of the way towards walking which he is desperate to do. We cannot leave him to CIO because he escalates and becomes utterly hysterical and he wouldn't do it anyway. Please someone tell me there is an end to this? I feel like he will never sleep through. He only sleeps 9.5 hours a night and has never napped long. It's like he will do anything not to sleep and hardly needs it. I'm desperate. Help.

No advice sorry but we are Going through the same. I’ve never had the luxury of him sleeping through though. The 4 month regression was horrendous and it only started to get better at 6 months and that was with 2-3 wake ups- but I’d take that. Now he doesn’t even let me put him in his cot , he wakes every hour. He used to go to bed at 730/8 and now it’s more like 1030/11. He’s up for the day at 6. It’s just so utterly draining and it really does bring me to tears (I think because I’m so sleep deprived).
We will get through this and it will be a distant memory. I just keep telling myself its a phase . Even though I’ve not had a full nights sleep in 8 months. Is yours breast fed by any chance? Mine is and I think that adds to the sleep problems.

I’m sorry, no advice either but we’ve just hit the 8 month regression hard too. You have all my sympathy and you’re not alone!

She won’t go to sleep before 11, is up constantly and wakes at 6. She is breastfed and it was the only way to get her to sleep - she hates being rocked, will not fall asleep on her own in the cot, and I’m with you on CIO. Even if I wanted to try, she would just get absolutely hysterical. She seems to get whingey and tearful and rubbing eyes about an hour before she actually falls asleep, which definitely adds to the stress of bedtime. We’re also hitting a lot of development at the moment with crawling, pulling to stand, clapping(?), lots of babbling, and those pesky teeth too.

We’d literally only in the past couple of weeks gotten to a place where she was in her own room, bedtime had become relatively easy, her daytime naps were bliss and she was waking 2-3 times a night (I’ll take that too). BUT we’ve never had sleeping through either, and 4 month sleep regression was awful for us too and we eventually came back from that! So we just have to keep reminding ourselves that they can do it (and we can do it too) and this will pass. We’ll all get that full nights sleep eventually 😴

*I meant to say breastfeeding was the only way to get her to sleep, and it’s no longer working, which is the worst part of it all! Partner is currently driving her around for 40 minutes a night to get her to drift off enough for me to get her on the boob and then into her cot

Can you tell us what time and for how long the naps are and what time is bedtime and what time he wakes up in the morning

I know you said you didn't want to try cry it out, but please have a look at the Ferber method ( it's not total CIO) . Saved my sanity for sure.

For your sanity and mental health you should sleeptrain your baby.

Yes there will be tears, he might get hysterical at times because he isn’t getting what he wants… but you’re in charge and you need to sleep. It won’t do any damage to him, it will teach him the gift of sleep and you’ll be a happy rested Mama.

Pick a sleep training technique and be consistent, stick to it till you get the nights you think your baby can do (at 8 months one feed is probably enough?). If you can afford it, do a phone consultation with a sleep consultant. I have heard of one who is relatively cheap, called Ellen Child Sleep Training. Apparently very efficient.

best of luck!

Omg my baby is 15 months and I remember this too well. Absolute nightmare, you have my sympathy. How long is he being kept awake for? At that age he is probably transitioning to two naps. Regardless I've found between 8-9 months to be very tough with my three. I had baby in her room since 6 months but when it got too tough sometimes I ended up bringing her into bed and feeding her. It helped that I took a year of mat leave but it was still very tough. She's 15 months now and sleep 8:30-8am. I tried to put her down awake gradually but not at this stage, I waited for it to ease a bit. Hope it gets easier. Hang in there 😥

Btw 9.5 hours is very good 😊

Hi all!

Any updates of tips??

Baby slept through - amazing sleeper but oh wow!! We have hit the 8 month sleep regression and baby literally is up partying all night! Wakes about 4-7 times a night. She often will sit up so I am frantic that she will fall back and hit her head.

I keep telling myself it’s a phase but it has been two weeks now and I am so sleep deprived!

How long did it last?

Any advice, much appreciated!

Thank you ladies!

Naps are fine in the day and there is no problem with getting her to sleep - she doesn’t stay asleep!!

@Popcorn100 I'd say my baby's phase lasted well into 10 months but it coincided with cruising and walking. At 9 months she used to get up and stand in her cot just chatting. She got better in stages and was waking twice a night by 1 and now at 16 months she sleeps through. Hang in there!
Ps: she only had one 7hr stint at 6 weeks and woke every 2-3 hours so iff to wasn't that much of a shock to me 😂

Hi all, thanks for the advice. I just want to say we reached breaking point one night where we were up for hours, nothing we did worked. We sat with out head in our hands at a total loss. He cried for about 5 minutes and went to sleep. We looked at each other and said "maybe we're gonna have to sleep train". And so we did it. It hurt so badly and I cried along with him in my partners arms but, by night 2 he was already sleeping better and within a couple of days he was sleeping 11-12 hours a night and has been ever since. Now there are no tears at all at night when getting to sleep. We've done the same for naps. As someone who was so against CIO to any other mums going through the same, this was the most mind blowing miracle I've ever experienced in my life. It works like some sort of actual magic. A lot of my mum friends have experienced the same. There is no research to suggest babies with otherwise happy homes and are extremely loved develop any long term affects from being left to cry a bit. And, not only does it save your entire life, give you back your nights, and your relaxing evenings, not to mention later mornings, but it hugely benefits them too because they sleep more, more restfully, and for longer and... they need sleep. A lot of my mum friends experienced the same. Do not hesitate to sleep train if you're in this boat. Its incredible. I can't rate what we did enough for how much it has totally cured the problem and saved us all.

@Kitcatkor thank you for the update. We did CIO with DD and she slept so well afterwards and everyone was much happier. I now have a son who's approaching the 4 month sleep regression and I'm absolutely dreading it (and the coming possible need for sleep training) but reading your update gave me hope that everything will be ok. Thank you.

Ah the 4 month sleep regression is when my baby's sleep started to get bad! He slept 9 hours straight before that. So I totally understand. I give you huge credit for doing it twice 😅 In hindsight, I wish we had done CIO from about 6 or 7 months. If I were to do it again, I would try that. But we are one and done, we knew that beforehand. It isn't easy but it's a life saver. Good luck, motherhood is pure heroism 😁💜

Well done for sleep training! CIO is harmless, it is actually beneficial for the whole family...
if you want further reassurance read what Emily Oster (a behavioural economist) says about sleep training. In a nutshell she says it is safe

I don’t believe sleep training is harmless… there has been studies on babies that it raises their level of cortisol. It’s normal for babies to wake in the night, they wake and cry for a reason. I am totally against cry it out methods and just goes against natural instinct completely. It’s actually proven as well the baby wakes up just as much, they just don’t cry for you as they know you won’t come. Glad you are getting some sleep though.

This is incorrect though. My baby sleeps through the entire night now. I watch him a lot and I'd know if he was awake. And also the available science says it has no lasting impact. I understand why people don't want to do cry it out and think there are reasons for not doing it, I used to be that person. Pushed to the brink of total sleep deprivation induced insanity, you sometimes re-evaluate things. It took hardly any time at all, and he has slept through and peacefully since. He hasn't cried in the night since I don't know when which means overall, he has FAR less stress or tears because he's sleeping instead of being awake constantly crying in the night with us going to him as it was before. Parents have to evaluate their own situations in whatever way they see fit, but the things that people against sleep training say to try and justify reasons for not doing it are simply not true. The one where people say they wake just as much is a huge example of that. For us, that could not be further from the truth. For us, he is far happier, more peaceful and rested at night now. There is no raised cortisol involved when your baby is sleeping peacefully for 11-12 hours a night, and getting the rest they need for all that growth and development they're doing.

I think you wouldn't know if he was waking if you are asleep yourself. Sleep training just trains them not to cry for you in the night. Honestly I am not judging you in the slightest and I'm glad it's worked. But often when illness occurs or teething etc the sleep training goes out the window and you have to do it all again. I totally understand why you have done it though , sleep deprivation really is a killer so I get it. I just can't do it myself. I can't bring myself to ignore the crying. That's not to say what you've done is wrong at all, like you said, it clearly works for your family and your baby is happy and looked after that's the main thing.

He's been teething and unwell for the last several weeks though and still slept very well. I don't ignore him during those times though, when he has a need for a drink or some medicine or something like that. I know he doesn't wake in the night. The slightest movement from him and I wake and often I will wake just before he does. Call it mothers intuition or what you like, but I know my baby and I'd know if he was waking. And to be honest because he sleeps so well now if he does cry in the night I'd know he needs something because he usually sleeps extremely well. I don't expect these results to last forever though but who knows. He always was a good sleeper before 4 months 🤷🏼‍♀️ I totally understand where you're coming from though, I was there myself and I have found leaving him to cry for periods of time almost unbearable. Without my partner I don't think I'd have made it through. But, I don't agree with the fact it teaches them not to cry for you. I think it teaches them to sleep better which is something they need and with our son it took next to no time at all. He's far less distressed in the night because of it. It's not something I would ever do before the time we did it though. I also am a big believer in looking at what research is actually available on this kind of stuff and wouldn't have done it if there was solid evidence it has some kind of long lasting negative impact on them, but it doesn't. Sleep training is one of those things, there are two different camps, and everyone has to do what's best for their particular situation. The fact we all sleep a lot better now has saved us and I strongly believe it is worth doing it for that reason for everyone involved. And you don't need to leave them to cry completely anyway depending which method you use.

@Kitcatkor Yes that makes total sense, thanks for explaining to me and not getting offended. I do totally understand why people do it and I'd be lying if I hadn't considered it myself. We still really struggle with getting him in his cot to sleep he just cries for me. He sleeps well with me and wakes once or twice to feed. I am craving some time to myself though in the evenings and don't get that. Does your baby nap in the cot? What method did you use? I genuinely could not let him cry. I think it depends on the babies temperament too. Mine is not the chilled type of baby x

I really do understand because I was 100% you a few months ago! I also thought that our baby wouldn't cope with it because he's very sensitive and needy for want of a better word. But he's been fine. We used the same method with naps. He has always slept in a cot by me or in his cot in his room since 6 months. From super early on I persevered with a nap routine and getting him to nap in his cot. Ngl it took ages and some serious perseverance but he has napped extremely well in his cot since. That was before we did any CIO method. We just shush patted or often I put him down asleep tbh. We never did the sleeping with us thing, just because we value our little free time and space to ourselves and didn't want to develop that habit so to speak. I know so many parents who still have their toddlers in bed with them and I just couldn't do it. I still bf him before bed and naps that's one part of the CIO method I completely ignored and it's had no effect on it's efficacy. I'm not taking that closeness and comfort away from him because I do not want to. I can't recall the name of the method, but it was basically where you leave them to cry for 10 mins and then go in and give them brief reassurance and repeat. It was so hard but like I said it took just a few days and even on night one he was sleeping remarkably better than he had bin. It was up and down for a bit but knowing what I know now I'd do it over again without hesitation (but not without sitting there crying and having my partner hold me back from running to him lol). So I totally understand. I really do. You've got to do what you're comfortable with or what you can manage and it is hard letting them cry but the way I view it is that, now, he cries far less because he just... sleeps. And he has done for months now. If he was still waking every couple of hours crying for us in the night he'd have had far more tears than any CIO we had to go through. I dunno. I guess I just was where you are and it was absolute hell and I just want to save parents from it. Because sleep is absolutely paramount to health and wellbeing for everyone, especially as a parent, you need your sleep to function. X

@Kitcatkor I sleep trained my needy baby too. Around 9/10 months. The amount of crying and theoretical cortisol that was generated over those few nights was tough to deal with but FAR less than the previous months of multiple wakes and crying put together (not to mention the future ones too if we hadn't). No regrets and my now much older child has no anxiety or attachment issues of any kind. I wish more people would stop being martyrs to terrible sleep when it's in most peoples power to help both their children and themselves be well rested!

Yes I fear that parents are lead to believe a lot of false information on CIO sleep training methods, perpetrated largely by "sleep training coaches" who sell their services by being steadfastly against CIO ("You don't have to use CIO to get your baby to sleep") - [sorry but what if you've tried everything else under the sun then?] They quote "evidence" that has no actual conclusive scientific findings, and, naturally and understandably it all plays into the fact that is totally against any parents instinct to leave their baby to cry. It's probably one of the hardest things you can do. So naturally people have strong feelings around it and assume it's terrible but, in a safe, controlled way in an otherwise securely attached home life with the love and care you'd expect it has no longterm negative affects whatsoever. And, as you say, if you don't at least try this method to help your baby sleep your baby is ending up being distressed and crying in the night for a lot longer than they would be if they were helped to sleep better and more peacefully for the short amount of time it takes for CIO to work, in most cases. The notion that babies still wake the same amount they "just don't cry for you" is so profoundly misinformed it makes me smh in sadness that so many parents continue to battle with sleep deprivation when they just don't have to. When I said this was a god damn miracle cure for everyone I wasn't joking. That is exactly the type of thing anti-CIO sleep coaches spout to get people to use their services instead. And, unfortunately, people who have not done CIO cannot possibly say that babies wake the same amount - because they've simply never tried it. Parents have the power to potentially fix one of the biggest challenges of parenting but they are held back from it by their natural and understandable instinct to not facilitate their baby crying, whilst continuing the situation of them crying in the night for them longterm anyway. I don't know what I can say because I know how strong the feelings are in that camp. I was there. The fact I'm on the other side now, I just want to help others. But, if you are on the anti-CIO side and you're thinking of trying it - sticking rigidly to the process and perseverance and consistency is absolutely paramount to the success of it. So people who say they've tried it and failed, sometimes didn't actually do that.

@Kitcatkor But don't you think it's normal for babies to wake throughout the night? It's a normal part of development. I don't understand why people are obsessed with making babies independent. I would never do CIO because I could never sit back and let my baby get so distressed and know that they've fell asleep out of pure exhaustion from crying.

Thanks for sharing your experience and being honest.

Alot of people quote research about babies in an awful orphanage who had no caregiver respond to their cries and therefore didn't cry. This research showed these babies didn't cry as no one would respond ever (these babies were neglected 24/7 and had no attention, love or affection really sad case). This is different to loving parents who sleep train.