For GF mums with 2 - advice on schedule for 2nd please

[jennifersofia]

My dd1 (20 mths) is on a GF schedule, and my dd2 (1 mths) is more or less up until late afternoon - around bed and bath it all seems to descend into chaos. This seems to be something that GF doesn't address. How can you bathe, story and bed your toddler when your tiny needs the same thing at the same time? How did other mums deal with this? Also, how do you manage to get out of the house with the two before 4pm? Advice gratefully accepted.

I seem to remember another thread about this - will have a look, but basically, my 2 are 16mns apart, and bedtime was a nightmare - for same reasons as yours ( I did not follow GF - but I think these issues apply to anyone when baby 2 comes along, and baby 1 is still relatively small)

I tried to keep older dd's routine the same, and to get dd2 into it asap - at maybe 2/3 months old - when they have more of a settled routine.

When dh was home he would take one dd and I would take the other, and they would have their story/milk in separate rooms (they are now 17 and 33mns)in fact we still do that. If one of us is putting them to bed alone we still always give dd1 her milk first, and then dd2 when dd1 has gone upstairs, as we found this has always worked best.

Personally I have never read a Gina Ford book and have only heard of her through Mumsnet - some of her theories quoted on here seem bizarre but some of her advice does seem to be common sense. I was determined to get my babies into a reasonable but flexible routine as soon as possible - I found that I tried to get baby2 (dd) into baby 1's (ds) routine as soon as possible - especially a bedtime routine. I bathed them together. Putting ds into the bath first - dunking dd into his bath and getting her ready for bed on the floor in the bathroom while he splashed about - I gave her a feed whilst sitting on his bed reading him a bedtime story and it was fairly soon when she went to bed then too - by around four months (when I returned to work) she would sleep from around 8pm and wake once during the night - this was preferable to me as I could get some jobs done in the evening.
As for getting out of the house at a reasonable time - try and get as much done the evening before and always keep the baby bag ready to go out - you will soon get used to having two. Maybe GF puts too much emphasis on routine to the point of you feeling a failure if you cannot keep to it.

I get ds (3) to put water in bath, supervised, get dd (1 month) ready for bath, when I bath her he gets undressed, then lift her out, lift him in. get them both downstairs dd screaming for bottle - which should be in dark, give ds his milk, stick something in oven for dh. sceam at ds - usually swearing because he won't go to bed, put dd in cot - wide awake, attend to burnung dinner. hear dd screaming, take it out on ds who won' go to bed until dh home. 7.15 dh "arrives" home, gives me that mornings Times to read later. (later).try to be nice to dh, ask him to put ds to bed, he tells me dd is screaming. (thanks!) I'll get your f'g dinner then. Run upstairs for millionth time settle dd run downstairs, 5 mins later dh appears with dd - he tells me she needs more milk - thanks. I do try to stick religiously to GF, give dd an extra ounce take her to cot. Sit down to eat dh asks if we can not have rice for a third night running. He talks about work - I open the paper, dd screams, ds appears and says he wants to watch the bloody Simpsons. dh lets him! dh tells me he is feeling run down! but won't take stuff for his cold - great now ds has it bad, if dd gets it I will leave home. Go to bed at 8.30 shattered, with Times to read something, dh comes to bed, and we watch TV. Conk out, having said maybe 5 words to each other. God I used to be such fun!!

That is the only hectic time in GF when I am really run off my feet. But hey when it gets to Friday night as a treat for dh he gets to bath them both. Because let's face it I am that kind of sharing caring dw! It does amuse me when I am popping open my friday bottle of wine and hear the 3 of them all stressed! If it weren't for Fridays I would have topped myself long ago.

Mustn't grumble at w/e he does most of childcare, and is very hands on.

By Christmas there must begin to be light at the end of the tunnel for me.

jennifersofia, we've very recently been through all this and I think it is pretty damn impossible to do GF with a toddler and look after an under 3 month old between the hours of 6 and 8pm. However, it will get better! In our house, my ds (3 years) spends a considerable amount of time watching a video, sometimes he even eats his dinner in front of it, while I bath, feed and bed dd (6 months). Fortunately, she now goes to sleep almost religiously at 6.45pm and so from then on I can concentrate on ds. However, I'm afraid for first 3 months my evenings were much like those of agaazaa (except without a dh to shout at, as he conveniently works abroad Mon-Fri).
About 2 months ago I recruited a mothers help between 6 & 8pm, given that dh is not around and that has been worth every penny.
Good luck to you and Agaazaa - it really will get lots, lots better!

Hi,

Had 2 on GF (they are 20 months apart)

• I found very convenient to have them on the same routine.

I didn't give baths more than twice a week... so it was only 2 nights of week of potential trouble. I prepared everyhing for baby in the bathroom so that I could keep an eye of toddler.
DH was usually present so at least 1 bath/week-end...

I tended to go out after DD (baby)'s nap at 1030AM until 1115 (something like that before I get quoted as neurotic on schedules )... that's a good time to get out. DS would get dressed and the house work would get done during DD's first nap at 0900.

I did find that baby went to bed at 1815 (she was knackered) and then I started reading stories etc with my toddler so he went to bed at 1900.

I don't think it's a GF issue .... what would you do with bath time if you didn't follow GF ???

I did GF with ds who is now almost 10 months old and it has crossed my mind as to how on earth it is possible to do it whilst looking after a toddler??

Is there anyone out there who has done it and has managed to have a life: ie, get out of the house as I remember in the early weeks with ds I was in the house alot...which I didn't have a problem with but not going to be possible when he is older!!

Yes - see my post below. I actually chose GF for number 2 BECAUSE it allowed me a life... I knew when DD was napping or happy to be up !

Pupuce you are cool and so right, I too decided to follow GF as it gives me a life with two, and I know when I will have free time, for "me" each day.

The last month with 2 has been much easier than first time around with 1 baby and no GF routine.

I agree Jennifersofia, GF doesn't address this in her book and I am reading this thread with interest as I will be in a similar position next year..there will be a 21 month age gap and I am already anxious about how I will sort out the bath/bedtime routine, especially as dh works away during the week.

agaazaa - am ROFL! I can just see it happening to me ... ooooh I just can't wait for my No2 to come in 6 months time ... gulp!!

Message withdrawn

Yes I find the 2pm feed limiting. Then I read my book today again and saw that it moves, it goes from 2 to 2.20 to 2.30. That is really limiting.

As cannot take DD out after that feed incase she sleeps too much.

Don't mind in the long run, as it is way less limiting than no a night without sleep!! People who are waiting for child no2 don't worry, I worried so much, it is no where near as bad, follow GF advice, it is excellent, it works - honestly!

I know it is late, I am doing the 10ish feed, just about to go to bed, so I will think about what on earth ROLF can be. If no joy I will ask for clues, but don't help me yet, I like a challenge especially when my pea brain has shrunk!

ok worked it out, happy it wasn't an insult. Original posting entirely true, if it weren't for Fridays I couldn't cope!

p.s.
Never do this 4am feed in the dark, and nervous about cutting it down, incase she wakes again before 7.

No, agaazaa, it was not an insult ... I think you are fab and intend to pick your brains when my next one arrives to see how I will manage to do GF a second time!

Ghosty

what are you doing up so early if baby not here yet?

Aha Agaazaa! You see, at time of posting (5.29am UK time) it was 6.59 pm ... New Zealand time ... I get so frustrated during the day when you lot are all snoring and by 6pm (5am your time) I keep logging on to see if anyone has woken up yet ... got to go to MA (Mumsnet Anonymous!) I think and break myself of my addiction! I am trying to do a course - aim to have it finished by the time baby comes and just can't get on with it!

I actually found the All New CLBB today in a bookshop ... I was really surprised because no one has heard of it here and I thought it was not around here ...

Ghosty

How cool! My cousin is a midwife in South Island, I usually email her for midnight advise

Anyhow night night!

If your cousin is a midwife she will be able to tell you about how the 'giving birth' system is evidently very different here ...
Anyway, it is way past my bedtime ... 20 past midnight ... I am very very sleepy and must go to b... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Mine are 17.5 months apart. ds1=2 and ds2=6.5mo.
Here goes.....
5pm feed both.
5.30ish tidy up. ds1 plays while ds2 lies on mat on floor with nappy off.
6pm upstairs to bath with a few toys for both.
Put ds2 in first and wash before derobing ds1 and putting him in. ds2 v obliging, lies in a few inches of water, kicking happily and has never tried to turn over. Quickly wash ds1, before getting ds2 out.
ds1 plays in the bsth while I dress ds2
6.30pm Start bf ds2, ds1 still in bath
6.45pm Get ds1 out, rapidly dry and allow to run around in the buff. Swop boobs.
Try to interest ds1 in a quiet toy or book while ds2 finishes off his feed.
7pm sneak downstairs to ds2's room, he's usually asleep, and toss in bed. If he stirs I switch his dreamscape on(plays lullaby for 10 mins with light show on the ceiling.)
7.03pm back up with ds1 again. Read stories for 20mins, clean teeth and lights off by 7.30pm

Phew!!
All on my own I hasten to add. A late working hubby.
HTH!! Doesnt always work for me mind you!

God, we should all be military strategists. I mean, just think of the incredibly minute attention to detail and the precision planning we have to carry out on a daily basis!

Honeybunny, I don't know how you can do all that alone, every evening. My dh gets home around 6.30 and I have to admit I am counting the seconds from around 5.45 until he gets in, so I can palm one of the children off onto him for a bit.

My two are now a bit older (2.5 and 9 months) so it's easier, but I have to say I could not have managed both their bedtimes when dd was smaller without someone else helping out - which was either dh or my mother. Whatever GF says, it's a bloody nightmare. Sorry, not exactly encouraging am I?

Message withdrawn

bloss, is there very much different in the new book? i skimmed it and it and couldn't spot any differences!

I haven't bothered with GF yet this time round (dd1 3 years, dd2 3 weeks). But I give dd1 a bath every night. Dunk dd2 in clean water (in baby bath float pad - invaluable!!, you can get from Blooming Marvellous). Then dry and cuddle while dd1 gets in and splashes. Leave dd2 to cry while drying/dressing dd1. Then all downstairs to watch 'Little Bear' while feeding dd2. Upstairs again, quickly settle dd2 while dd1 chooses books/tapes etc, then read dd1 story and go through seeming endless rituals of singing, checking for ghosts, administering magic kiss in hand for protection against ghosts, putting on story tape, getting light absolutely right via dimmer switch, getting water etc etc etc.

Then whip dd2 out of bed and downstairs for illicit cuddles and large glass of wine for mummy.

HTH

Can I ask a GENUINE question (I know you all know I am not a GF fan).
What do you think about restricting activities for the older child so the younger can nap in a darkened room in the morning? My playgroup starts at 10am so there is no way I could make it if ds was on this schedule. And I feel very strongly that there are enough changes in a toddlers life with the advent of a new baby to start avoiding activities 'because of the baby' I ask because I am sure many of you have read on another thread that I have a (not as close as she was) GF friend who says she will stop coming to playgroup when her new child is born and I am wondering if I should offer to take her son (I could pick him up, it would be a bit awkward but I could do it) but wonder if I would be rubbing her nose in my opinions. This is the lady who is planning not to breastfeed as she feels that it will not fit in with GF.
Thanks for your input - I value the advice of people who have made GF work for them.