Do I collect DD early from camp?

[PolkaDotMankini]

I'm in two minds on this one. DD is 9 and away by herself at a week-long outdoor activity camp about 2 hours from home. She desperately wanted to go and has been begging me to send her since last summer. However, she's phoned me and DH repeatedly since she got there on Saturday, asking to come home.

Apparently she hates the food, the girls in her cabin (who all seemed perfectly nice when I met them) keep her up all night, she doesn't like the activities and she just wants to come home. I've spoken to her group leader and she says that DD's joining in and seems ok during activities, and she's spoken to the girls about getting a good night's sleep.

I don't want her to be miserable but I think if she's constantly phoning home (3 times a day) then she'll be fixed on that rather than on making the most of the week. She's halfway through now.

It's a long drive to go and get her and both DH and I are working this week, but I will if I think it's the best thing for her. I just don't know what to do.

You know her best. If it was my dd, I’d drive to the camp and have a chat with her, see if she really wants to come home and bring her home if she did.

I think you need to look at how you’ll feel if you simply say no and don’t collect early, and whether it could impact the relationship with your dd moving forwards.

That's a tough decision. Is the only problem with the girls in her cabin that they are keeping her up at night? Or could it be that she's feeling excluded?

If it simply came down to the reasons you've given, I'd probably ask that she sticks it out for the rest of the week. But I would wonder if there's more to it.

Yes, that's one option. It's a heck of a drive though (M25).

You've said exactly what I'm thinking: she does tend towards the dramatic, but I don't want her to feel abandoned.

She said one of the girl threw her sweets everywhere and then put them in the bin, so there's possibly an issue there. She usually makes friends very easily though and they seemed like a nice bunch.

Does she have a phone with her? That makes homesickness and calling home more likely.
maybe ask for another talk between her and the camp Councellors. Explain to them what has been happening. See if there is a way forward so she can stag eg move into a quieter room with calmer kids

I’d say she’s only 9 and isn’t yet old enough yet to deal with this sort of thing, so I’d be sympathetic.

you know her best, but if she’s consistently saying she’s unhappy, I’d go and get her.

I’d try and talk to her and a member of staff at the same time to begin with.

Obviously all the best, but if she's already half way through, may as well complete the camp.

I think that would likely be the real problem. Something I've learnt from personal experience is that in groups of girls this age there's often one that causes some kind of drama. I'd be worried she is being left out or maybe targeted by that one girl. Maybe try to have a chat about it and see what she says?

I would go back to the group leader and ask them what exactly they are doing to ensure the girls don't stay up all night.
"Having a word" is not necessarily enough, there needs to be adults patrolling till the children are asleep, and they need to be strict about it. These are 9 year olds and not teenagers.
Actually, bear in mind that the group leader is probably a teenager themselves, maybe you need to go higher and speak to an actual adult.
On the plus side, girls will probably be really tired after a few late nights, and will probably sleep better tonight!
9 is very young, I know she asked to go on this, but I'm not sure I would send my DC for a week at this age on a residential with children they didn't know. But presumably she's a confident type?
Anyway I think I'd tell her that she can be collected tomorrow ( or even Wednesday) if she still wants that, but that it would be better if she could stay. Remind her to speak to the adults there for support.

The group leader's phoning me back this afternoon to say how DD gets on today. I'll have a chat with her and DD.

I used to work at one of these camps. It sounds like the issue is more the other girls in the room than anything, ask the camp leader if DD has made any specific friends and see if its possible that they can be roomed together. Shes half way through, if shes safe and just doesnt like it I'd make my DD see it through, its good for resilience. I'd restrict the phone calls to once a day from now on or less. I often group lead the younger age groups 6+ and if they would speak to home once every three days, they were often more teary and homesick after these phone calls.

If it was me and she had been phoning that much and consistently saying she was not enjoying it and wanted to come home, personally I would go and collect her.

Nine years old is still quite young and unless she is used to staying away from you and home quite a bit anyway I think half a week is probably long enough. If she really isn't getting much sleep she's going to be exhausted by now and it would be a shame if it put her off ever wanting to do camps in the future.

Next time could she go with one of her own friends so she already has someone she knows, and perhaps go for a shorter time? That may also mean you could share the dropping off and collecting of them with the other parents, so it wouldn't be so much travelling for you.

She's 9, I think I'd go and get her.

I'd tell her today that you will get her tomorrow evening, so she can enjoy her day tomorrow knowing that she's going home to her own bed.

You know her best of course but she's still young.

Of course you might speak to her today and she's had a great day, you might drive all that way and she doesn't want to go home.

One of these situations where it's impossible to know what's right.

I can picture my teenager saying to me years later "remember when I was 9 and miserable at camp and you made me stay?". They always remember the bad stuff. I'd rather they looked back and said "thanks for taking me seriously, even though I was probably being a bit of a drama queen".

Speaking as someone who HATED residentials when I was younger, I would make her stick it out, as long as she isn't so unhappy she is making herself unwell. If the leaders say she is joining in, she is ok, she isn't a shadow of herself, being sick, having panic attacks etc. It may not be nice but she will learn she can't just bail whenever she wants. She spoke to you after a bad day - she may have had a great day today.

I'm at the camp now - drove round after work after DD called me in tears, poor kid. They've moved her into a room with a group of girls she's made friends with and will be with them for activities during the day too. So now she wants to stay 'until Thursday'.

She's excited and they're having a midnight feast tonight. I dropped her some home comforts: pillow, dressing gown and some snacks. She had a cuddle and chattered about all the activities so I think she'll be absolutely fine. I saw her new room, met the girls and saw all the staff on patrol in the corridors so it all seems under control. Fingers crossed!

That's good to hear.

Apparently she hates the food, the girls in her cabin (who all seemed perfectly nice when I met them)

But if any of them are inclined to bullying, they’re never going to reveal their true colours in front of an adult, are they? Glad to hear your update, op. Hope your dd enjoys the rest of the camp.

All the best and positivity op

She text me this morning asking to come home - apparently her new roomies are 'too hyper'. However, she hasn't called all day and text me at tea time just about her activities, so I'm taking that as a good sign.

How come she's allowed so much access to a cellphone?

Go and get her on the understanding that if you bring her home she can’t go on residential till she’s 11. She can choose.

I volunteer at camps like this and we only allow the children their phone once a day. Having her phone when she is tired at night is not a good idea.
Also we patrol at night and are very strict about them getting sleep as tiredness is likely to be the cause of most of her issues.
A word of warning: be prepared for her to be absolutely wrecked when she gets home. The full on activities, plus the new environment plus the missed sleep will leave you with one tired girl on your hands.