8 year olds emotional regulation

[canteatlovefood]

My daughter is 8 and her go to reaction to pretty much anything is to cry
A few things she cried for last couple days:

Told it's bedtime (this one happens quite a lot even though we do the 15/10/5 minute warning)

Couldn't do a trick on her air track and cried that she was rubbish and won't ever be able to do it

Told it was too late for a lollyice

Accidentally hurt someone then she cried

Told she needed a shower

There's many more, feels like it happens most days. I don't get angry when she cries, I ask her why she's upset but she always just says she doesn't know. She's quite hard to talk to about emotions because she just kind of glazes over and nods and agrees but then carries on.

Any coping strategies that work? I think she cries when she's sad, angry, embarrassed, sorry.

When she is back at school please speak to them about having some ELSA sessions. This is a programme set up to help children work through their different emotional needs, finding coping strategies and in general a place for the child to talk through anything bothering them. I am the ELSA for my school and have great results with the children that come to see me. It's definitely worth a try

Just go add.. if you want to start things now at home then keeping a emotional diary, done daily can help, in pictures or words. Calming strategies, these can be obtained off the ELSA website. Working towards rewards and been firm with them if particular agreements aren't followed.

Girls go through a massive hormonal change between 8-10 years, more so than during teen years! It’s called adrenarche. My girl was a nightmare, crying one minute laughing the next, lots of “I hate you”, then “I love you” it was a rollercoaster. Just reassure them that their feelings are normal. I wouldn’t get school involved, the kids can become labelled.

Schools do not label their children, what poor advice that is. Schools are there to help families and ensure the family unit is running smoothly. I can assure you the intention is only ever to help the child feel better , not to label them.

In my experience ‘I don’t know’ often means, ‘I feel worried talking about it’ or ‘I don’t know how to talk about it.’
Eight years is a funny age where children can feel some profound anxieties - that can be based on something that’s happened, or something they’ve seen on the tv, or sometimes children start to contemplate things like death or a family member dying (so nothing truly sinister, but it’s a big deal for their young minds) - but they don’t really know how to articulate it or are worried about how to voice it. It can manifest itself in emotional behaviour.
I would talk to the school if things don’t improve. If they can offer ELSA they may get her to open up if it’s a case of her being worried and unable to articulate why.

Is she advancing physically? Some kids start their periods at that age. I did and I was so hormonal. It's a lot!

Thank you everyone. I will read into ESLA and look at doing some things at home and think about speaking to school (she doesn't seem to do it at school)

I always reiterate to her that she can talk to me about anything. We have 'question time' before bed which she loves and I've said she can ask me any question about anything and I will always answer honestly. We've had the occasional 'deep' question but it's mainly her asking me my favourite colour or what I did as a kid haha.

I don't think she's psychically changing yet but I guess it is that age where hormones will be having an effect.

Sorry no advice, but I love your 'question time' session with her 🙂

@Fe345fleur ahhh thanks, patenting is hard isn't it. I'm a naturally open person, I told my mum everything whether she wanted to know or not haha, but my daughter is the opposite!
I thought it would be deep and meaningful but we just laugh mostly. She makes me ask her questions too

If she's finding it hard to express her emotions directly, can you guesstimate with her what the issue is?

Say something like - "I can see you're a bit tearful. I'm wondering if you're feeling frustrated about not being able to do that trick?" Or "Are you feeling embarrassed that you asked for something and I said no?" That way, she can at least agree/disagree, which should in time help her to recognise and articulate her feelings better for herself, rather than just feeling a big blob of unacknowledged badness.

@FrizzledFrazzle
Thank you- I can definitely try that! We had a conversation after her saying she would never be able to do the trick, that she thought that about the last trick she learnt and now she can do it. Also had a conversation about how she would never tell her friend who couldn't do these things she was rubbish so she shouldn't hold higher expectations for herself.

Sometimes I don't think I can even guess why but I will try and come up with that rather than just asking why.

It's a great idea, will use it with my DD when she's old enough 🙂