How to stop bickering

[Queensize]

We have 2dc - 1 nearly 1yo and a 2yo. I'm looking for work after being made redundant pre-dc and dh job is at risk. We're bickering all the time. One trigger of arguments is whenever we have plans with his family - I don't get on with mil - but we're bickering about anything. It's like we're both picking fights. I'm working on job applications/career development whenever the DC are asleep and I'm just feeling totally unappreciated. He's obviously feeling like he's shouldering the financial burden. When I try to have a heart to heart it leads to another argument. I'm so sad. I don't want the DC to pick up on it but I want our relationship to go back to the affectionate way it has been in the past. How can I stop the circle of conflict?

I can't speak to anyone irl. Please someone tell me you've managed to move past bickering.

Just stop! Don't pick on him, don't needle, just think before you speak.

And maybe, instead of telling him how hard done by you feel, tell him how much you appreciate the things he does for the family. Make an effort to say something positive to him every time you speak. Remember that he is your partner, not your rival.

I think you both have to agree to stop bickering - you both need to see that you are both tired, both feeling the pressure and both need a break, otherwise it's just a competition of who is having the worst time.

Once you've agreed it's all shit, you need to work together to get through this bad patch. You need a few hours to work on job apps? Right so that's him making dinner, sorting washing etc. Tomorrow night, you swap over.

Get in the habit of saying kind things - it's easy to be negative but it's much better to say nice things. And it's much nicer for your kids to hear those things being said.

Don't try to have a heart-to-heart. Leave him alone, consciously do a nice kind thing for him every day, and avoid any plans with your MIL if possible. He didn't choose his mother. Let him go there without you, give him and you some space.

Or try to allocate an hour's downtime each per day, exercising or reading or lying in a bath with the door firmly locked.

Give it a try and see what comes back.