Leaving toddler at night for first time - advice?

[Idontknowmyselfanymore]

Looking to get some thoughts from others on this situation as its dragging on and I'm stressed with way too many things to think clearly!

Myself and DH are invited to a wedding next month and were hoping to go.

We've never left our child (just turned 3) all day and night before, we only have my other halfs parents who are great but surprisingly they have never offered an overnight 🤷‍♀️ and to be fair, we've never asked as we rely on them sometimes during day, occasionally for pickups etc.

They were all set to be our childcare for the day of the wedding but have since had another offer to spend the day with a group of friends, so without telling us, arranged for another relative to look after our DD. We only found out in passing conversation with the other relative.

They themselves have a toddler too and in all honesty, I think our DD will struggle for a prolonged period without us so her gran was the only person we felt comfortable leaving her with.

AIBU to be a bit miffed that a) we've been let down in the first place and b) that an alternative arrangement was made without discussion with us?

Thanks!

That is dreadful, I cant understand how they thought that was ok without even the courtesy of asking you first.

Were you just going to rock up on the day as previously planned and then they take your DD somewhere else and leave her with a random person (from your DD’s perspective) and for her to sleep the night too? Thats just awful, she would feel completely abandoned and would likely trigger huge separation anxiety going forward. I would be having a radical rethink of trusting them with DD in the future for anything

I'd be furious if someone made alternative arrangements for my child's care without telling me!

Not that it really makes anything better, but to clarify its my DH's brothers wife who agreed to look after her instead, and it would be in our house, but she would be bringing her own little boy too 🤷‍♀️

I worry that I'm overreacting but I can just see it being a disaster. And although i wouldnt be here dealing with it i dont think id be able to relax at the wedding either!

Ime dc do surprise you when put in different situations.. I bet she is totally fine op.

Why wouldn't she be okay with her auntie and cousin staying over in her own home?

I think your daughter will love it. I looked after my niece (similar age and I have a DS of the same age) for the weekend and she had far too much fun to miss her parents. Is there no way she can stay with her aunt and cousin though? I think it's more confusing for them if they're in their own home but the parents aren't there.

I should have added though that I think your PILs are dicks and it should have been your choice/your discussion to have.

Does your daughter kniw them well?

So when were they going to ask you?

Or were your SIL and DN just arriving on your doorstep before you left for the wedding, “hello Idontknow, we are here to babysit and stay the night, where shall we put our bags?” How do you make up beds and get food in if you dont know you are hosting people, let alone put away anything confidential or private - since they would be in your house without you there too.

Just batshit