Two ADHD DC...constant battleground

[SobranieCocktail]

I have three DC, two of whom have ADHD (12 yr old and 17 yr old). They were diagnosed about 6 months ago. I also have a 15 yr old.

I have two main issues at the moment. Firstly, it's a nightmare getting 12 year old to school in the morning (or generally get anywhere on time, or do any chores etc). I'm really really trying to keep my cool, talk calmly, put rewards in place for doing the things that need to be done etc, but it's still just a nightmare.

The second issue is sibling relationships. DC17 and DC12 currently have an awful relationship. DC17 makes it clear that she hates DC12. DC12 idolises DC17, but also winds her up massively (sometimes on purpose, sometimes inadvertently). They both genuinely think I let the other one get away with murder (I try to avoid "punishments" for both of them, and stick to "educating"/lecturing, with a bit of rewarding for good behaviour). DC12 also winds up DC15. DC15 and DC17 get on fine.

I'm just at a loss as to how to live more harmoniously, and also how to get DC12 to care more about other people and duties/obligations. Any tips?

bump

Argh I wish I knew! 2 with ADHD here (8 and 10) and we've just moved overseas. The eldest is off his meds for the holidays and the squabbling and winding up is driving me round the bend.

Only thing which works so far is reminding them how unpleasant it is when kids are nasty to them at school (name calling) and asking why they think ita nice to do it at home. That works for the name calling.

For the wrestling that finishes in tears - well they know my opinion on that and know that if it goes too far I just send them to separate rooms.

Have you told the 12 year old that their behaviour is really unpleasant and doesn't make you want to be around them right now? That has had some effect with my 10, nearly 11 year old. He honestly doesn't realise how annoying he can be.

I like the idea of reminding them of how it feels to be name-called etc at school. And yes, I do tell DC12 when she's being unpleasant and difficult to be around. I try to do it without being too shaming, but it's difficult because it happens so frequently.

Agree. Im having to bite my tongue sometimes otherwise I seem to be spending all day being negative towards them, especially my eldest.