Can anyone explain how I’m meant to juggle 3mo and 2yo?

[ShadowPuppets]

3mo only contact naps or sleeps in the car. Will wake if transferred to bouncy chair, pram etc. (Goes down in the Next to Me at night but wakes if I try and put him in it during that day). So far I’ve survived by having him in a stretchy sling but I already feel like I’m completely neglecting my just turned 2yo for 3 hours a day while he naps - I can’t play properly or sit down or anything.

We were at my in laws this weekend and I stupidly left the sling at theirs. MIL posting it back first class today but realistically I need to make my peace with the fact I won’t have it back until Tuesday/Wednesday.

I’m looking after the two of them solo and I just can’t actually comprehend how I’m meant to do it? I feel like I need someone to just actually tell me what to do. My brain might not be working due to the fact that 3mo woke up every hour on the hour from 1.30am last night but any advice appreciated. Have stuck the toddler in front of CBeebies for the time being while baby is napping on me but surely I can’t do that all day 😩 how do you juggle a contact napping baby (who might be starting the 4m sleep regression 🙈) and a toddler who can’t really do any sort of independent play…

No advice to give, its a long time since I had a toddler with a baby, this may help you.

Will baby fall asleep in the pram? That was the saving grace with my second. My eldest sounds like yours though so I know the feeling.

can you also set up activities you can do together than only require one arm from you? Colouring or books? Or “special nap time toys” that only come out then so they feel a bit exciting?

My second was a demanding baby; I used to spend as much of the day out of the house as possible.I had a double buggy and a sling and had some toddler groups , the supermarket by car, the bottle bank, the ducks and the park( mainly the park).I've never been as fit in my adult life as I was then.If they wailed I stopped to feed them , if they fell asleep I would have a little rest or attempt home for lunch. I tried my hardest to prioritise DC1 and DC2 had to fall in line. Things improved a lot between 3-6 months and after that I found it quite easy as they were eating together and basically had the same routine as each other.DC1 had stopped naps before their siblings arrival but DC2 turned out to be a great sleeper and slept through from 6/7 months and kept up naps until they were all day at school.I didn't work round them in any way as DC1 was there , just facilitated things with the buggy.
The first 3 months of DC2's life was very hard but ime things improved from then onwards.

I had a 2 year gap between mine, but DD2 hated being put down so I had to hold her constantly. Not going to lie, it was tough and there were lots of tears (mine!), but you get through it because there’s no other choice.

Just don’t expect too much, don’t put too much pressure on yourself and see if anyone local can lend you a sling or carrier. It will get easier, but some days will be CBeebies & survival, but that’s fine.

Does baby fall asleep in pram? I used to take older ones to park on morning nap afternoon nap need to work on getting to sleep reduce contact as it goes on eventually in cot physical contact..

My DD lived in the sling for the first few months! Get yourself a low chair/stool so you can sit down to play with your DC1. Or use the sling nap time to play with DC1 at the playground - you should be able to still push swing, roundabouts etc. But most importantly, it will pass ♥️

Could you do a shout out on a local Facebook for a sling?

I had 17 months between my first two, I didn’t use slings as I got hot and bothered so the double pushchair was my saviour. Feed and change baby then walk and walk until it’s asleep, snacks for the 2 year old and they can get out and walk when baby is asleep.

Thanks everyone, really appreciate the advice as I sort of feel like I can’t thick of the obvious right now!

The pram is really touch and go, sometimes DC2 will sleep but if he decides he doesn’t want to he just screams and screams and I feel so bad subjecting DC1 to being strapped in listening to screaming while we walk around the park :(

I do know it ends as DC1 was exactly the same but back then I could just lean into a sofa day with Netflix - the idea of getting just to the end of the day at the moment feels impossible sometimes with two 🙈

@SlipperyLizard it hadnt even occurred to me to ask about borrowing one, I’ve just stuck a quick post on my local parents Facebook group so you never know, thank you!

Do you know anyone with a 2 year old who could come for a play date or meet somewhere to give your toddler some stimulation. Alternatively any friend or relative who would come and play with them for a couple of hours.

This is such a hard combination of ages! I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but life will be completely different for you in three months, and your 2yo will not remember any of this. If it takes a few tv days to get through this bit (especially while you wait for your sling back!) you are NOT in any way neglecting them! If their attention span for tv isn’t very long keep mixing up what’s on - a tv show then an audiobook on your phone (loads of free ones on Spotify) then play a song and ask them to show you some dance moves/teach them musical statues (in my experience 2yos will play this without anyone to compete against 😂)

Does baby go down in a bouncer/pram between sleeps? If so put them down as soon as they wake and do something physical with 2 yo, whether it’s getting out to the park, going for a very slow walk, dancing together in the kitchen, just something that uses up some energy. Then the tv can go back on when baby needs to feed/sleep again.

If getting through the days without the sling seems impossible, is there anywhere you could put out a call to borrow one? Depends where you live, where I am there’s a sling library and various parent Facebook groups and I know if someone put out a call for an emergency borrow of a sling for 2 days they’d get offers.

Good luck - you can do it!

Ha, sorry I repeated advice already given - posted while I was slowly one handed typing! Hope Facebook comes through for you!

@Divebar2021 alas all my mum friends from when the 2yo was little are back working and no one else has taken the plunge with #2 yet so I’m the only one on maternity leave! Have sent an SOS to my sister who can sometimes finish work early though :)

@elizzza thank you for the support, feel like I’m massively winging it at the moment! And thanks to you (and all the PPs!) for suggestions of things to do, I swear my sleep deprived brain has forgotten what to actually do to fill the day with the toddler, poor thing :(

I used to sit on the sofa for hours with DS feeding or napping. We'd start off with toddler DD next to me doing sticker books or bringing me books to read to her. I would then play "fetch" with her so I'd throw a soft ball and she'd run and get it and bring it back. Or I'd set her off on challenges. Could she find X and bring it back to me. The latter was only done in desperation as I'd have to put it all away later! We moved bathtime to the middle of the day and she could easily spend 30 - 45 mins in the bath playing whilst I sat on the loo feeding DS or just holding him.
We were also often in the park around 7am as it was empty then so I could sit and feed DS and toddler DD could run around the park. I got quite good at feeding and pushing a swing!
CBeebies featured a lot
As did inviting anyone I'd ever met who had a toddler over for a cup of tea.
As did one of them crying. My motto in the early days was that if only one of them was crying, we weren't doing too badly!
Good luck! It gets better.

Thank you for the ideas @spiderontheceiling! Yes - I’ve taken to saying to people that if one out of three of us is crying it’s a normal day, two out of three it’s a hard day and three out of three I open the wine that evening 🙈

I didn’t want to read and run, and although I have no real ‘advice’’ I wanted to say I have been in the same boat (my toddler now 2.5 and baby 6m) and it’s bloody hard! You are doing a great job!
my baby also didn’t sleep anywhere other than on me for the first few months, I kept persevering with the cot at nap times after 4m.
I also had 2year old in childcare for a couple of days a week which helped. One thing I would suggest is if you have a partner who is around at weekends, can baby sleep on him so you can spend time with toddler?
Our toddler had an awful time when baby arrived and never wanted baby on me, and would scream and cry and cling to me, so I spent many of the early days under both of them! Get a pile of books reachable :)!!
Keep persevering with baby napping in cot upstairs, they will get there, good luck! I feel your pain! You will get there!

Oh this was me! About 9months ago. I'm trying to remember how I got through it but the sleep deprivation haze is real! I think I did the water play activities someone else has suggested. Stickers are great (i peeled off the surrounds on the sticker sheet as Miss 2 wasn't able to peel the stickers off easily); we set up a sun shade/ tent in the garden and i put blankets and cushions in there and toys and that was fun whilst also allowed me to sit with both of them; I used a front pack and had toddler on a bike that I could push for a lot of walking- I found the front pack easier to walk with. And TV (which they barely watch now that both are older and can each independently play - you can phase it back out when you need to). Mainly - don't expect too much from yourself! You will be doing a brilliant job! And on no sleep, it's super hard. But it does get easier.

My 3rd only napped in the sling or pram til maybe 9 months.
She wouldn't take a dummy either so there was screaming! If you haven't offered a dummy yet I'd see if that works.
She have a nap on the morning nursery run in the pram, then another long walk after lunch (if we'd walked for an hour we could usually come home and she'd stay asleep). Then she'd nap/scream in the sling while I made tea for the others in the afternoon
There was lots of screaming and lots of Cbeebies! Sometimes I'd take everyone to the Asda cafe for tea just so she'd scream in the pram there rather than at home...

And now I'm remembering that the toungestused to scream for hours (colic maybe) and I was so worried I had damaged Miss nearly 2 forever with my neglect of her as I had to give my attention to the baby. But she seems fine now and regularly tells me I'm her best friend.

Also wanted to say don’t feel bad if you have cbeebies on more than you would like. Do whatever you have to to make things easier.

*youngest used to.... not toungetused

No advice really other than to say I have been there and came out the other side and it’s great now, they’re 7 and 9.

when they were that age I recall going “for a drive” quite a lot to get both to sleep. Then coming home and having a doze in the car myself.

also my eldest went to nursery at least two days a week. so on those days I could literally just hold the baby and not feel bad,
and also when a bit older spend time training him to nap in his cot.

I have 19 months between mine. It's hard work. We just used to go out morning and again afternoon to break the day up.

Managed to get them both having nap same time middle of the day reasonably quickly.

Focused a lot on getting routine established so that they would both go to bed & nap same time. Never left either of them to cry but just persevered and would for example wake up baby DS if he had gone over his nap time.

Slings, slings and more slings!

The more you do it, the more used it to you'll become and the more you'll just be able to you about life with baby attached.

You could do to the park, out for a walk, have a kickabout with a ball in the garden, soft play, baking, arts and crafts etc, with baby attached. If you breastfeed, then you can learn to feed in the sling, and that makes it even easier. If bottle fed, then you can also fed in the shopping, but you won't get a free hand, so its less of a bonus really.

Some time watching cbeebies is definitely needed, but I found that the sling was essential to parenting at that stage.

Just do the minimum.
Theres just under a year between my last two children, and you have to adjust your expectations.

Also you could make a sling out of a bedsheet or big bit of fabric
www.verywellfamily.com/how-to-make-a-baby-sling-from-a-sheet-284478

Do you have a sling library where you could borrow a sling until yours arrives back with you?