Does your DC prefer one set of Grandparents to the other?

[CookieDough2017]

And how do you deal with it? I really want to keep how much my daughter sees her Grandparents as fair as possible.

I wouldn't say he prefers one set over the other, but he has a much closer relationship with the set he sees more often (due to distance). Both sets dote on him and spoil him to bits.

I guess I try to use the same behaviour around both grandparents so he draws the same paralell, even though we are geographically closer to one

How old are they?

No. She sees one set once a week, and one set once every six weeks, but video calls them every week.

The actual amount of face-to-face time has zero impact on how close she is to them, it's the quality of the interaction. Both sets absolutely dote on her, play a lot, take lots of interest, spend little pockets of solo time etc etc

My kids both prefer my parents over their Dad's. Dad's parents are divorced and remarried, Dad is also 14 years older than me and therefore his parents and their spouses are considerably older than my parents and aren't able to be as hands on. Ex FIL and his wife are lovely and dote on my kids, Ex MIL couldn't care less and my kids both know it.

Yes.

One set they see two or three times a week, they do some of the childcare for us, and they ‘parent’ them in a very similar way to us. The other set we see twice a year and as a result they’re more ‘hands off’. They also have a different style of parenting to us (younger siblings still at home) and so DDs find it harder to know where they stand.

I will say though, whilst they are more at ease and prefer their time with one set, there is absolutely no doubt they love both sets to the moon and back.

Yep buts that because 1 side make so much more effort than the other 🤷🏼‍♀️

Imo its not solely up to me to 'make it fair', if they want to see/spend time with DD then they need to put some effort in as well

I would say mine prefer one set but only because they see them more often. One set live much closer so whilst they do not see them weekly any more (harder as they have got older) they do see them regularly, the other set they only see a couple of time a year.

Yeah, one set are fun and interact with them in a playful way, and have toys at their house
The other set are boring people who make weird comments about their appearance and tell them off for having bad table manners (like elbows on the table, but the kids were 2 years old)

My kids loved both but had a completely different relationship with each. One gran was a homely one with hot stews and home bakes and they loved going there. They always remembered their birthdays and gave them money and presents. The others were not great at any of that but came to stay with us a good bit and got to know them. They were a familiar part of their lives and they enjoyed their company. They totally accepted both

Unfortunately due to distances involved etc it may end up not being "fair".

Yes. One set treat them like people and listen when DC set boundaries (I don’t like that/ don’t tickle me I don’t like it etc). The other set don’t. One set I can leave them with happily the others I can’t. (The same set that don’t listen also forget to feed them etc). I’m put under a massive set of guilt but quite frankly my kids aren’t there to make them feel better about themselves.

they’d have much more equal access if they behaved differently. My DC have chosen themselves by not wanting to spend time with people who don’t listen to them.

it’s not about the DGP and equal access. It’s about the DGC.

My ds have completely different relationships with their grandparents. One set are special because they live close by, do lots of childcare, lots of visits and day trips. The other set live abroad. However even though we see them infrequently they are just as special. They spoil them when they see them and make an effort to keep in contact with phone calls and video calls.

The relationships are what you make of them.

Mine prefer DH's parents. It's just because DH's parents have always played with them more. They have much more patience. Mine don't interact as much.

I think it depends on the type of relationship they have.
I would say my DS (2) prefers my parents currently as they are both completely engaged when he visits and so fun for him to play with. He has also spent more time with them as they live closer. Lots of cuddles, singing, reading etc.
DS likes his other GP but the visits/days out are less common, cancel regularly and they all spend less time together. He gets excited when they turn up to take him out some where but they aren't the "cosy and safe" grandparent type (if that makes sense?) 😂

DC used to prefer one set of grandparents over the other for the first 7 months of life. DC is much closer to my parents rather than DH's parents, despite the distance, just due to the fact they never played with her during the early days. Until she was about 8 months, all they did was stare at her and laugh whenever she would say or do anything. But it's getting better now that she's a toddler

They did, and it's quite natural and normal. They saw my parents much more frequently, we went to stay with them in their house in Spain and they saw them every week when they were in this country.
My husband's parents were a bit distant. Happy to see them if on their best behaviour but never went out of their way.
Is it a wonder that they felt most comfortable with my parents and preferred them?