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Original poster

Did CIO not work for anyone ??

31 replies

IcedCoffeeGirl · 19/08/2022 21:24

Cry it out. Let’s be clear, I don’t want it do this, I hate the thought of it and I’m not even sure I CAN do it because whenever I’ve tried I’ve lasted about two minutes because she gets so so hysterical.

but I am completely at my wits end with sleep, DD is 6 months old and from 3 months her sleep has been awful, like truly horrific and it gets worse all the time. We’ve ended up in a feed to sleep association and it’s only happened because every way of putting her to sleep just stopped working and she has a relentless ability to stay awake for hours and hours and hours. I’ve been trying to hard to gently teach her other methods but it just isn’t working.

basically without going into every detail of the endless things I’ve tried, I am curious to know if anyone tried CIO and it didn’t work like magic like everyone says it does?

DD gets utterly hysterical and I just don’t think it would work for her, it’s not a whimper or a small cry, it’s a loud, screaming, angry, very distressed cry and I don’t think I can leave her like that, but i am seriously running out of options.

OP posts:

AliceW89 · 19/08/2022 21:32

CIO? Like full blown, put her in her room, shut the door and don’t come back?

As someone who had a baby who woke every 30-90 minutes from 3 months to 9 months, I get it’s hard. I really do, I was on my knees. But please don’t do this to a 6 month old.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 19/08/2022 21:33

Hey OP. Cry it out as in literally closing the door and not going in until morning? I don’t think anyone would recommend that. Perhaps something like Ferber / controlled crying might be something you’re more comfortable with(worked with all three of mine). And there are gentler approaches. I’d say if you’re finding it this tough either ask for specific advice on here (not in AIBU!), or if funds allow get a consultant to help.

LionessesRules · 19/08/2022 21:42

There is nothing wrong with feeding to sleep if it works, and particularly not at that age.

DS1 was older when we tried sleep training, and no, it didn't work. The only think that worked was him getting the language capability to understand we weren't to be woken unless there was a "P" problem (pee, poo, puke..... or blood!), and a great big alarm clock. So, large numbers and alarm set to 6am.
He is now a teen, and I think he still doesn't sleep through - but thankfully it's rare he wakes anyone else now. He also doesn't have an alarm at the weekends - but is usually up by 6.30.

Good luck. I had DS2 with a fairly small gap, as I couldn't function at work. By the time I went back from maternity 2, he was nearly 3 and I could usually get 4-5 hours straight sleep, which is what I needed to function.

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biggirlknickers · 19/08/2022 21:47

Hi OP. I tried CIO once and once only. It was truly horrendous.

I fed mine to sleep after that. It is a time I remember with great tenderness. I wouldn’t change it.

Funnily enough, they are 14 and 10 now and they don’t need feeding to sleep any more.

carefullycourageous · 19/08/2022 21:49

It is ok to feed to sleep. They just grow out of it.

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 19/08/2022 21:50

As in not responding to your child’s need as shown in the NSPCC advert. I think if you feel this is your only option then you should speak to your HV.

BryceQuinlanTheFirst · 19/08/2022 21:51

I don't think anyone recommends this.

We did the go in after 2 mins, 3 mins, 6 mins type thing when my son was 13 months.

Leaving a 6 month old to cry like this would be horrendous.

iloveyankeecandle · 19/08/2022 21:54

Have you tried a dummy? Maybe she just wants to suck? Also I kept mine in my room with me until she was about ten months. It was horrific. As soon as I moved her into her own room it was a million times better. I don't know if we was just waking her up. She's still little and I'll never do a night feed again. It's strange but I look back at those times when it was quiet and just the two of us and think of it with fondness. I know I can say that now as I'm not in the thick of it. But it won't last forever. I promise.

BreadmanAndCake · 19/08/2022 21:58

My youngest still feeds to sleep at 20 months. I don't believe the whole 'don't feed to sleep because that's all they'll associate going to sleep with' thing at all. His sleep was awful from 6 to 16 ish months, we relented and tried gentle sleep training which didn't make a difference to his sleep quality. Age has helped us the most, he now sleeps through 9 times out of 10. Which I never thought would be possible when I was in the thick of it.
It's truly horrendous when you're in the thick of it but in my (limited, admittedly) experience, they do grow out of it in their own time. My eldest did so at about 10 months so a lot quicker.

fuckblippi · 19/08/2022 21:59

She's only 6 months. She's wee. It's completely normal.

PrimroseWharf · 19/08/2022 22:08

My 6 month old is the same and I really do get it but she screams bloody murder if I try to leave her to go to the loo half the time so there’s no chance CIO would work for us. I will continue to feed to sleep even if it means whacking a boob out 12 times a night…
No solutions but I’m right here with you!

EthicalNonMahogany · 19/08/2022 22:09

Is she comfortable- might she have silent reflux?

GiveMeMyBoobsBack · 19/08/2022 22:09

Not full on CIO, but I tried letting him cry in his cot for a couple of minutes at a time when he was about 8 months. He screamed the second I stepped out of the room, and got himself into such a state that he vomited within the first minute. I gave up after that.

We ended up co-sleeping instead.

ListenLinda · 19/08/2022 22:16

We fed to sleep, rocked to sleep, co sleeping, cuddled to sleep, then when they were older, sat by the bed.
now they are a bit older, ( At 5yo & 3yo old and don’t nap through the day), they go to bed like a dream. Beush teeth, kiss and cuddle, into bed and leave.

I have been where you are, on my knees with the broken sleep. But it gets better and this too shall pass.

I once had to put DS in his cot and leave the room to deal with DD when he was 6 months old and he was hysterical, so I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it.

hugs to you OP

jemimafuddleduck · 19/08/2022 22:18

OP, I feel you. We used a sleep consultant around this age called Good Night Baby based in Devon (but do phone consultation etc). The best £75 I have ever spent, it took one tough night (not CIO) and lo slept through after that (before this we were on hourly wake ups). Please do reach out, they were amazing x

Original poster

IcedCoffeeGirl · 20/08/2022 07:23

So considering more Ferber than anything but like I said, I don’t want to do it and probably won’t.
it’s more that the feeding to sleep doesn’t always work and can take hours and hours for her to have 45 minutes because she can’t connect sleep cycles, it’s not my sleep so much but hers, she’s overtired and I worry it’s not good for her to always be this way and never get restorative sleep.
co sleeping doesn’t work at all and she doesn’t sleep in the pushchair or the car and doesn’t take a dummy, she just knows the difference between boob and dummy.

thank you for your experiences, that’s all I wanted to hear, because often people who do resort to CIO say how magical the fix is so I wanted to hear the other side of it.

OP posts:

BendingSpoons · 20/08/2022 08:18

CiO 'works' in that the parent isn't bothered. I knew a mum who did CIO with both children at 3m because she 'needed her sleep'. It worked in that mum got more sleep but it doesn't magically make your baby sleep more. If your baby hasn't worked out how to go to sleep with your help, they aren't going to manage it alone in a dark room.

Is this night time sleep or naps where it is taking hours to sleep?

Sbena · 20/08/2022 08:38

I fell into this trap, plus mine was teething for two months solid at that age (8 teeth by 8 month)

Here's how I broke the association with controlled crying. It's gruelling but it works, and you're not leaving the baby to cry on end.

Feed to sleep at night at first, and feed to soothe during the day. Once they can fall asleep in bed on their own, feed to soothe and night and don't feed during the day

Good luck!

Blixem · 20/08/2022 08:48

DD is nearly 3. She was an awful sleeper who fed to sleep.
I tried the Ferber method but it didn't work for DD. She was 1 and just stood on her cot crying for 4 hours with me going in every 10 mins or so. I couldn't take any more and went in to cuddle her. She fell asleep straight away in my arms but continued to sob in her sleep.
She now sleeps really well.
We started my cutting out her night feeds, with DH going on rather than me.

She moved into her own bed at about 18 months and was so excited about her new bed, so that's how we stopped feeding to sleep but we still sat with her while she went to sleep.

Cactuslove · 20/08/2022 08:52

With mine I've always tried everything (not a bottle once in a routine if they've had a good amount in the day), and if everything else doesn't work- they're not ill, they're not wet, they're not cold etc.... that's when I will leave them to cry. For a few minutes, then go in tuck them in smooth hair but don't talk and back out for a few more minutes. I actually time it as otherwise I go back in within seconds because when a baby cried seconds feel like hrs. It tends to work but there are still the odd nights when 2 hrs later they're still crying.

unicornpower · 20/08/2022 08:55

If you’re thinking of the Ferber method I would recommend reading the book first as it goes into detail about why you’re doing certain things etc and the whole thing makes more sense. Took 2 nights for mine to get it and she’s a golden sleeper now. She was waking every 45m before and it was utter hell

Lilgamesh2 · 20/08/2022 10:13

@IcedCoffeeGirl your situation sounds like mine. My DD took AGES to fall asleep and would get progressively more tired and upset in the process.

One day after 45 mins of her crying from exhaustion I decided to buy the Ferber book.

A couple of days later I tried his method, making sure to start on a day I knew she wasn't hungry and a bit later than her 'normal' bedtime. It took 30 mins for her to fall asleep. Yes, it was a horrible 30 mins. But it was still less than the 45 mins of failed rocking the night before! Then the next day it only took 3 mins.

From there on out she still woke for feeds in the night (i only did Ferber to help her learn how to fall asleep, I didn't try to train her out of night feeds). She napped in her cot during the day whereas before she would need to be held. If she fell asleep on me during a feed I wouldn't have to be terrified of her waking when I transferred her to the cot - she'd still stir but would then happily settle in her cot.

I know people say it's cruel but I actually feel guilty for not doing it sooner. My DD was probably far more affected but the weeks of not being able go to sleep and for those traumatic nights.

So in short, she still wakes throughout the night for feeds but the bedtime routine is a breeze now. And she happily sleeps in her cot, pram, anywhere really!

rhowton · 20/08/2022 12:46

My DD1 was done in 1 night. My DD2 broke us and after 2 nights, realised it was never going to work.

TiredEyes1991 · 20/08/2022 16:14

Please don’t do it

i get it’s hard, really bloody hard when you’re that tired, but CIO/controlled crying/self soothe is all just neglectful. Your baby has been in this world less time than they were in your belly, please don’t let them cry

Original poster

IcedCoffeeGirl · 20/08/2022 19:42

Pleas don’t think I’m thinking of my own sleep here. I worry about DD and her lack of sleep affecting her mood and development that’s all.

OP posts:

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