Two sons living away for a year

[Helly101]

My two sons (18 &21) are moving to Australia (tomorrow) for a year to work. I am dreading it. The house will seem so empty without them coming and going. My husband is not their father so doesn’t feel the same. I feel that he’s unsupportive and he feels that I’m over emotional. My daughter (11) is distraught, as she has no friends close by and is very close to them both. I have increased my hours at work from September to try to fill my time. I have horses and dogs to look after. So I can keep busy but I’m a wreak.

This all seems very OTT OP, do you think maybe you could be a bit depressed?

Also I think it would be a mistake to increase your hours, given that your young daughter is already lonely. I'd be focusing on dedicating more time to supporting her, to be honest!

I have a 21 year old DS (only DC) and I would be absolutely delighted for him if he went to Australia for a year - what a fabulous opportunity.

Becoming a 'wreck' over a fairly normal decision for a young person seems a total over reaction, you have a DH, a DD, a job, horses and a dog ... surely your life will be fulfilled? Yes, you will miss them but think about the positives. And make sure you don't let them see you being upset.

Oh come off it, she's going to miss her children! That's a perfectly normal reaction.

My 23 yr old son left home.
I was dreading it as the house is empty.
It didn't take long to adjust though and enjoy the freedom.
I don't think you are over reacting you clearly love their company.

I would be very sad if my two sons were moving to the other side of the world for a year too. Could you plan a trip to see them half way through the year? It would give you and your daughter something to look forward to in our bleak winter 😊

Of course you are sad. Two of your sons are going to be away for an extended period, far away! It's OK to be sad about it.

But isn’t this the main aim of being a parent ? to enable your children as far as possible to grow up into independent adults? Hopefully your increased hours won’t decrease your time for your daughter.

Lol I think she probably means when her child is at school. You seem like a drama llama 😂😂😂

See this as an opportunity not a burden. And pat yourself in the back that you have raised 2 young men who are nature and capable enough to travel half way across the world. This is your chance to face a special time with your daughter. And get saving for a flight to go and visit the boys next year!

It's totally natural to be sad that they're going. But they're going to have a lovely time and as people have already said, you can be proud you've brought them up to be confident enough to do something like this. I'd put your energy into helping your daughter come to terms with it. I think you just have to accept you will feel like this and take it one day at a time

Oh, that sounds hard to lose them both at once. It will just take a little bit of time to get used to it. It will be a big change initially. Have you arranged how you are going to keep in contact, the odd video call that kind of thing? I have a similar aged DS and my first thought was, "if only", but I know the reality would be much harsher and tomorrow will be difficult. They will miss you too I am sure. They sound like they are going to stay together/travel together /work in the same area?

I'm sorry your partner is being unsupportive, do you think that might get better after they leave?

I know there is a time coming surprisingly soon when my dd will turn 18 and move away to university. Where we live, that will likely mean she is far away, but still accessible by 3-4 hour plane ride. I will go from seeing her daily to possibly only seeing her a couple of weeks a year. I expect it to be tough, but don’t expect to be devastated.

it would be different if she was changing continents. I think the difference is knowing that frequent visits are feasible, even though I need to resist the urge to indulge too often because letting her have her independence is important.

I get it OP. Australia is such a long, long way, its very different to having adult children move to Europe or even the US. It is a big deal, ignore posters who say it isn't.

However, it is only a year. Is the real root of your deep sadness the worry that one or both of them may choose to stay longer, or even make it their home? My elder sibling went to Australia at a similar age and my mother was distraught and was convinced she would fall in love and never come back. Turns out she was justified - she did fall in love and made plans to stay. My mother was devestrated. The relationship broke down after a few years and she came back to the UK, but it was very hard time for my mum.