I'm going to put it out there & hope I'm not alone. Does any other parents struggle with anxiety? I'm not talking anxiety over things like trips, falls, out and about - more so just an overwhelming feeling of anxiety and not quite sure what to put your finger on why this is? Post baby I felt quite normal but now I feel a little lost and as though I've lost confidence in my head strong mind. Post baby I was very calm, a little anxious here and there - I mentioned to my other half maybe I've always been this way and on a "bad" day I'd just relax and think I can't be bothered today and that'd just be it and the next day I could be. Since I've had my boy I think I notice it more as I can't have a cba day as I have my little one to cater for so I think I'm a little more aware of how I'm being.
Long and short, my little boy is an ivf baby (not to make excuses or reasoning for myself) but I suffered a lot of trauma getting to him along with having him during the beginning of the first pandemic. I had CBT to help with postnatal anxiety and depression - a lot of my anxiety stemmed around feeding and naps, being quite obsessed with this along with going over the process of getting to him as I hadn't dealt with it through counselling. I was offered medication but decided against it, I may be totally wrong but in my own opinion I'm very "mind over matter" and I like to think the way I get better is by talking it through which really did help me.
Things were great for about a year after that but I started to get an afternoon crash lately where I needed a nap and just felt a bit out of body/dizzy. I had my bloods taken and expected them to come back with low iron or something along those lines. Nope. Everything is just fine! My dr asked how I was getting on with the prescribed meds and I told him I hadn't actually taken them, he suggested taking them and see how I go. He'd prescribed me fluroxetine (spelling?) but looking into this it says treatment is for OCD, depression and bulimia! I don't feel depressed, I look forward to things in life, I feel upbeat, a little bit up and down with mood on occasion but mostly upbeat, I did suffer with OCD around checking things constantly even before my little boy but since having him and the CBT I feel that has curved huge amounts. I certainly don't suffer with any eating disorders so I feel a bit confused with the meds prescribed. I queried them to see if there was anything else to help me calm down a bit and not get into this strange anxiety wave of exhaustion but nothing else was offered. The read up of the side effects really frightens me in respect part of it said I may experience voices to harm myself or others - the reason this concerns me so much is at a state of no meds I don't have any intrusive thoughts let alone these sorts of feelings at all.
Long and short, since the conversation with my dr I feel it's made me worse! That I'm anxious, that I don't know what is making me anxious but I'm very aware I am. I feel it more when I'm alone with my boy and if we have no plans I struggle to motivate myself to do things whereas if we have plans I feel great! We can't have plans all the time but no structure in a day or a day at home feels too overwhelming and im not sure why.
I don't even know what I'm waffling on about but I know I need to vent it out in hope that someone else out there maybe feels the same or has before and has worked through it without meds?
I spend a lot of time with my boy, I don't like leaving him alone so I know that's why I don't get the usual "house jobs" done until he's in bed and then I feel a little overwhelmed and overstimulated during the day, then the crash happens and I'm just exhausted.
On bad days I wake up with a million thoughts it's like my head is so busy with conversation of things to do, scenarios I put myself in like confronting work about something I think needs changing, but also I know a main factor of mine is worrying about sickness and bugs I worry all the time about it that sometimes it stops me from doing things I would normally have done quite freely before. Not because I'm worried of my boy getting sick but worrying if he did get sick I'd catch it - I've struggled with emetephobia most of my life, I know what it stemmed from during childhood but it's rearing it's ugly head now I have my own child and next year he will be going to nursery and I keep thinking about it a bit obsessively.
I maybe have contradicted myself a whole lot during this thread but I think im just looking for a hand hold, a bit of advice on whether to try the meds, CBT again or just a bit of a firm head wobble required.
Be kind though please im not sure im ready for too much hard talking 🙈
If you got this far, thank you so much x