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Parenting

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Anxiety...

15 replies

Bluemeadowbaby · 18/08/2022 20:02

I'm going to put it out there & hope I'm not alone. Does any other parents struggle with anxiety? I'm not talking anxiety over things like trips, falls, out and about - more so just an overwhelming feeling of anxiety and not quite sure what to put your finger on why this is? Post baby I felt quite normal but now I feel a little lost and as though I've lost confidence in my head strong mind. Post baby I was very calm, a little anxious here and there - I mentioned to my other half maybe I've always been this way and on a "bad" day I'd just relax and think I can't be bothered today and that'd just be it and the next day I could be. Since I've had my boy I think I notice it more as I can't have a cba day as I have my little one to cater for so I think I'm a little more aware of how I'm being.
Long and short, my little boy is an ivf baby (not to make excuses or reasoning for myself) but I suffered a lot of trauma getting to him along with having him during the beginning of the first pandemic. I had CBT to help with postnatal anxiety and depression - a lot of my anxiety stemmed around feeding and naps, being quite obsessed with this along with going over the process of getting to him as I hadn't dealt with it through counselling. I was offered medication but decided against it, I may be totally wrong but in my own opinion I'm very "mind over matter" and I like to think the way I get better is by talking it through which really did help me.
Things were great for about a year after that but I started to get an afternoon crash lately where I needed a nap and just felt a bit out of body/dizzy. I had my bloods taken and expected them to come back with low iron or something along those lines. Nope. Everything is just fine! My dr asked how I was getting on with the prescribed meds and I told him I hadn't actually taken them, he suggested taking them and see how I go. He'd prescribed me fluroxetine (spelling?) but looking into this it says treatment is for OCD, depression and bulimia! I don't feel depressed, I look forward to things in life, I feel upbeat, a little bit up and down with mood on occasion but mostly upbeat, I did suffer with OCD around checking things constantly even before my little boy but since having him and the CBT I feel that has curved huge amounts. I certainly don't suffer with any eating disorders so I feel a bit confused with the meds prescribed. I queried them to see if there was anything else to help me calm down a bit and not get into this strange anxiety wave of exhaustion but nothing else was offered. The read up of the side effects really frightens me in respect part of it said I may experience voices to harm myself or others - the reason this concerns me so much is at a state of no meds I don't have any intrusive thoughts let alone these sorts of feelings at all.
Long and short, since the conversation with my dr I feel it's made me worse! That I'm anxious, that I don't know what is making me anxious but I'm very aware I am. I feel it more when I'm alone with my boy and if we have no plans I struggle to motivate myself to do things whereas if we have plans I feel great! We can't have plans all the time but no structure in a day or a day at home feels too overwhelming and im not sure why.
I don't even know what I'm waffling on about but I know I need to vent it out in hope that someone else out there maybe feels the same or has before and has worked through it without meds?
I spend a lot of time with my boy, I don't like leaving him alone so I know that's why I don't get the usual "house jobs" done until he's in bed and then I feel a little overwhelmed and overstimulated during the day, then the crash happens and I'm just exhausted.
On bad days I wake up with a million thoughts it's like my head is so busy with conversation of things to do, scenarios I put myself in like confronting work about something I think needs changing, but also I know a main factor of mine is worrying about sickness and bugs I worry all the time about it that sometimes it stops me from doing things I would normally have done quite freely before. Not because I'm worried of my boy getting sick but worrying if he did get sick I'd catch it - I've struggled with emetephobia most of my life, I know what it stemmed from during childhood but it's rearing it's ugly head now I have my own child and next year he will be going to nursery and I keep thinking about it a bit obsessively.
I maybe have contradicted myself a whole lot during this thread but I think im just looking for a hand hold, a bit of advice on whether to try the meds, CBT again or just a bit of a firm head wobble required.
Be kind though please im not sure im ready for too much hard talking 🙈
If you got this far, thank you so much x

OP posts:
thelittlestbird · 18/08/2022 20:27

Hi OP. I'd suggest speaking to your GP again. How old is your little one? Sorry if I've missed it in your post. In our area the perinatal mental health team supports parents with children up to a year old.

To your point re medication, I completely understand the 'mind over matter' thing. I have suffered with depression in the past and also post natal depression (which presented quite differently). This is a simplified explainer, as I'm no professional, but I believe that PND specifically is a type of depression particularly receptive to medication as it's a physical / hormone imbalance rather than a situational issue. So, while talking therapy can be extremely valuable, for PND it might be worth reconsidering the meds, even if it's an alternative anti depressant (I take sertraline) to what you have been prescribed.

thelittlestbird · 18/08/2022 20:27

Also, a hug. It's hard, and often shit. Flowers

Eixample · 18/08/2022 20:32

I have two IVF babies so I do understand but I also had a parent with overwhelming anxiety who doesn’t believe in treatment. In the end the anxiety and everything it feeds came first and the children second. She has wasted every moment of her life on anxiety, it never stops.
I would suggest you access all treatment you are offered. Why not try medication? What if there’s just an imbalance somewhere that is easily fixed?

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Bluemeadowbaby · 18/08/2022 20:34

@thelittlestbird thanks so much for taking the time to read & reply it means a lot! 💕
My little boy is 2...I think (I've discussed this many times with my CBT lady) but life feels like a dream sometimes, sometimes good and sometimes one where I feel it's not my dream if that makes sense? It blows my mind he was born on my birthday of all days and I get myself so cross with myself that I am struggling - he is totally non the wiser as I do not show my feelings to him but I feel so guilty that it's been such a long time and I thought I was okay and now I'm going a bit backwards again.
I agree with the imbalance. A little bit about me, I have severe endometriosis and during my surgeries and ivf protocols I was quite often put into a "menopause" bought back out of it and fiddled around with a bit lol.
I think I'll have another chat with the gp.
I feel I just need something or someone to help me calm down and not feel so on edge if that makes sense? I'm not emotional and don't feel teary, just in a very strange funk that gets me worked up and into a bit of a spiral. The crash usually happens when I'm "coming out the other side" - don't know if I've explained that well enough? X

OP posts:
Bluemeadowbaby · 18/08/2022 20:36

@Eixample I needed this, I'm so sorry that this happened but when I read this I think this is something I'm really very conscious of. I have been thinking a lot I am wasting precious time because of my anxiety and I don't want to look back and wish I just gave something a try. I'm really grateful for the nudge x

OP posts:
thelittlestbird · 18/08/2022 22:46

@Bluemeadowbaby from how you describe your feelings it could be that you have a bit of disassociation? I can't imagine the hell of going through IVF and induced menopause etc it sounds like you have been through the wringer so please don't be ashamed or worried about struggling. Our hormones are up the creek anyway post partum and it sounds like you've had a more rollercoaster journey than many!

Please don't be nervous of medication. I think of it this way - my brain does not always make the bits it should, so shop bought is fine Grin

Can you speak to your GP or even CBT lady to explore some other options?

Ps I bet you and your son get to have brilliant joint birthday parties. CakeSmile

MolliciousIntent · 18/08/2022 23:06

Honestly, just take the meds. They'll make your life so much better, I speak from experience.

Cakeandcoffee93 · 18/08/2022 23:09

hey- it’s defo anxiety- if you’ve experienced any trauma I recommend therapy and setraline- fluoxetine is strong but see what works for you!! Anxiety is normal as a mum especially in the world we live in. You’re exhausted because you’re on edge with adrenaline it’s normal. Or go the gym too and get out and exercise that does help, but long term I turned to setraline and therapy

Bluemeadowbaby · 19/08/2022 23:32

Thanks so much everyone 💕 I took the plunge today, started the meds - took me an hour to pluck up the courage 🙈 and also booked myself in to my local centre to start some therapy, I think there's still some doors that maybe need closing firmly to help me along the way x

OP posts:
Bluemeadowbaby · 19/08/2022 23:39

@thelittlestbird thank you for being so understanding 💕 I think maybe you're right with that, it's like zoning out and not feeling in it if that makes any sense? It happened again today when today was just going absolutely fine, I popped to the shops and felt the weird feeling of anxiety - I like to think that I had a bit of a curve on it from a while back and knew how to calm it but this time it's one that just makes me not feel very nice - and I just thought "oh ffs! Will you just F off!" And with that I thought only right to give things a whirl and see how I go because I really don't want to waste anymore of my time feeling it's consuming my days - I'm a bit of a try-er and really like to give everything a go, I don't like popping paracetamol unless I really have to. I probably sound like a right nightmare 😄 but in all honesty, I'm just a rabbit in the headlights and I'm ready to put this funny feeling to bed once and for all!
We have the best birthdays! I'm not one for much of a fuss for my birthday but with my boy it makes the day just the best! My mum can't wrap her head around that he's the same age just 30 years later she says it's mind boggling 😄🥰 x

OP posts:
thelittlestbird · 21/08/2022 06:57

@Bluemeadowbaby how you getting on?

The Gp hopefully explained that sometimes symptoms can get a bit worse in the first week or so of meds. At least that was my experience of sertraline. But once it passes you'll feel brand new Cake

Bluemeadowbaby · 22/08/2022 19:57

@thelittlestbird the last few days really weren't very nice I felt bloomin horrible and like I wanted to crawl out my own skin 😖 but you're right it definitely got worse! This morning was horrible but today has felt so...quiet! The only way I can describe it is I feel myself getting anxious and then it's like it gets pushed down to nothing...I don't even know if that makes sense lol. Not sure if it's a bit of a placebo or if it's real but either way it feels a lot better than the other day x

OP posts:
thelittlestbird · 24/08/2022 06:26

Really pleased to read your update @Bluemeadowbaby. Hope your quiet(er) head has continued.

Bluemeadowbaby · 24/08/2022 08:12

@thelittlestbird Gah 🤦🏻‍♀️ I've had to ring the dr this morning as I had the worst panic attack in the night for no reason and genuinely thought I was going to die it was horrible 😞 waiting on a call to see what he suggests I definitely am not liking this at all x

OP posts:
ivfbabymomma1 · 24/08/2022 08:57

Oh OP :( I have no advice but I promise your not alone.

I over panic& over think everything, at my lowest point I took my Ds to a theme park with an AirTag attached to him, a bracelet with my number on and it was on bloody reins?! He is a bolter but still!

I hope you get the help you need, I know exactly how it feels. I over think and imagine the most ridiculous "final destination" moments you could think of just going for a trip to the park!!!

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