Family Complete at only 25?

[ell32]

Hi,

I'm new here and been scrolling the threads for a while.

So back story - I have a DD 3 and DS 3 months. I had my daughter at 22 after 9 months TTC. I have endometriosis so the plan was always to have children young so I had the best chance. We always said we wanted 3 but when we found out we were having a boy and after 2 x 36 weekers we felt done.

I'm incredibly grateful but since my DS got to 12 weeks I've suddenly felt incredibly broody and that I don't feel done. That I would love a third but DH is saying he's definitely done.

I didn't have an ideal birth either time. Emergency c-section for Prom and breech position. Then VBAC but episiotomy and ventouse no initial skin to skin with either. So I'm wondering if it's partly because I'm hoping I'd get a better experience 3rd time.

Anyone feel the same? Or has completed their family so young? I know DH is probably right about 2 but I can't shake off the feeling I'll regret not having a third.

Thank you in advance

Ell

Personally, I think life with 2 kids is perfect. one per parent, one per hand, easier on the planet, you don't need a bigger car, holidays, family tickets etc are cheaper...

You sound like your main reason for having another kid is to "heal" your previous birth trauma. I think it's a better idea to get therapy instead.

Unless you're planning to get your tubes tied you can still have a 3rd (and a 4th, 5th, etc) later. You don't have to decide now.

And don't have a 3rd just to have a better birth experience.

Your baby is only little and your hormones will be crazy right now. Let yourself settle into being a parent of 2 children and give yourself time to make a decision. You or your husband might change your mind in a year or so. There's still time.

Have you had any support for your difficult births? You can speak to someone in the labour department- can't remember who but your HV or MW should be able to help. They can go through your notes with you and discuss how and why everything happened. Processing it with all the info might help you and they can help you get further support too.

Thank you for your comments. Definitely not the main reason for wanting a third. I wouldn't have a third just for that reason.

I have birth reflections at the hospital in October so hopefully that will help that side of things.

I also have a bit of PND so that's probably not helping either!

I would mentally park this for at least a year, if not 2. You might feel differently later on and equally your DH may too. You are only 12 weeks after a difficult birth, so it sounds normal to me that he can't contemplate another.

FWIW I have 2 and am happy with that. Once my youngest reached about 6m I decided I was done.