2-year old is a terrible sleeper

[millefeuille2]

These threads must be ten a penny, so I do apologise. I just need a rant, as I'm very tired and sad about it all.

I have a 4-yo and a 2-yo. Both dreadful sleepers, but DC1 did start sleeping through quite consistently from 3.5. We tried sleep training (gentle and Ferber) DC1 a few times but she just wouldn't have any of it, like screaming until she was sick. I couldn't bear the screaming. I tried to train DC2 too, but again no joy, but this time it was harder leaving her to cry, as it would disturb DC1.

At the moment, DC2 goes to bed around 8pm - she shares a room with DC1 as we were hoping that would help. She wakes up crying around midnight. I carry her into my bed, and we sleep together for the rest of the night. She wakes in the night and cries, and I have to settle her. She responds to different things on different nights - sometimes a handhold, or a shushing/telling off, or occasionally a breastfeed.

I am just so tired all the time. I can't understand why she won't sleep through at the grand age of 2. I'm not sure I can do this until she's 3.5 like DC1, but what else can I do?

I know some posters will say leave DH to do the sleep training and night-time settling, but this is so difficult. DC2 cries for me, and I honestly can't bear it. Plus DH copes with lack of sleep badly, much worse than me. I guess I've had 4 years of practice.

I'm not sure what I'm after. A 'there there' and any advice that's not just 'get DH to do it'? Thank you.

Bump 🥺

No advice but sympathy, my 2 year old (an only) has cried at least twice a night often much more since she was about 6 months old, if she's left crying in her sleep she wakes and can then be up for hours so I started co sleeping but she still sometimes cries in her sleep and/or wakes every night. Its horrific. I asked the HV for advice and she didn't really have much to say as to why this happens or what to do about it! Hope you get someone with advice come along soon.

Thank you! It's so dispiriting isn't it.

You need the Blissful Baby Expert! She’s worth her weight in gold and works with children up to 5.

Can't help but can offer solidarity.
I've got 2 year old twins.
One sleeps pretty much through the night, rarely wakes, from around 7.30pm-6.30/7.30am.
The other is just chaos on a stick. Won't go to sleep until 9pm most nights, up anywhere from 5+ times a night, crying for no obvious reason, then starts the day at 5am.
I'm exhausted. I can't leave my child to cry either in case the other one is disturbed.
It is tough, and it does often feel like there's no end in sight.

Thanks aperol. Are you able to say what her main strategy is? We've tried a bespoke sleep consultant and Little Ones gentle sleep training. The former focussed on a form of pick up put down, and the latter was more around timing naps. Neither worked.

Twinmama that's so interesting (maybe not the right word) that twins can be so different. And you'd think they wouldn't be so lonely with each other for company!

Solidarity. I have a 4yo and a 2yo too.

4yo is fine, mostly sleeps fine with the occasional night where he wakes for a couple of hours for no reason. I find it infuriating...

2yo - no longer naps, otherwise he doesn't sleep til 10pm. Seems to wake every night at 1ish, not requiring too much other than for me to be awake. Stays awake for about an hour or two. Again, I find this infuriating...

2yo became much better when I stopped bf during the night. I'd still take him into bed with me, give him a cuddle, but he'd sleep okay.

Now hoping he improves markedly as I've got dc3 due in October...

Brave Barney, all the best with no.3 💜 My first was/is so gentle (and graciously moved out of my bed at age 2 to make room for the new 'un), but my second absolutely ferocious. If I were to tell her she needed to move out for a new baby, I think she'd scratch the baby into oblivion.

I think I'll try stopping overnight breastfeeds as my next step. I'm a bit worried she'll then just cry in my bed and I'll just have to listen, but maybe she won't wake up as much?

There were a few nights of him being quite pissed off, but it stopped relatively quickly. I tried to wait until he was old enough to understand that he could have some in the morning, but not now. Often gave in, but tried to set a time after which I thought it acceptable...

Honestly they are polar opposites. Even as foetus', 1 was always super chilled, and the one who doesn't sleep now, didn't sleep then either 😂 always the one kicking me and being naughty for scans.
They're fraternal so essentially just like siblings born years apart, as opposed to identical which obviously share dna...I'm not sure if that makes a difference to personality at all.

I try to remember on those hard nights, that one day they won't be babies anymore and won't cry out for me, and that when I'm old and they're grown up and living their lives, I'll miss these times. It just about stops me from yeeting said child out the window.

Night weaning is a must.

I had one of these, I remember feeling so low from being so tired.

I think you either go one way or the other.

Hardcore. Do not bring them into your bed. Get up with them, soothe them, settle them back in their he'd in their room. And accept that you'll be even more tired for a few weeks while you do this.

Or you buy a bigger bed and accept co sleeping. But at 2, I'd explain that if they want to sleep in your bed when they wake up, they have to lie calm and still and not disturb you.

Which de we do? Well, we have an emperor size bed. Honest to god. 7ft wide. My 9yo sometimes still gets in with us and I have no idea because he's so far away!

I don't even mind her being in my bed at this point, she's worn me down to such an extent. I just want her to be quiet. I'll have a word with her during the day. The trouble is, sometimes when she's crying she's actually asleep. If I wake her up (which takes a lot) then she stops crying. Sometimes. Sigh.

But thank you. I'll have a word. And I'll try to drop night BF.

Another mum with 2yo twins here, who seem to take turns to be awful sleepers It's rare that they both sleep through, almost always we end up with at least one in our bed.

They're 2y 8m now and honestly what I find works best is to physically tire them out during the day (walking, scooting, balance bikes, playground, as much as I can fit in) and make sure they eat a stodgy dinner. That way I often get to sleep until at least 5am. I cut out TV and screens at least an hour before bed as well.

I would definitely close down the milk bar at night

Also MUCH solidarity as my eldest was also a rubbish sleeper and I've rarely had a complete nights sleep in over 5 years now.

All around me, babies are sleeping through from 12 months. It feels so unfair!

Solidarity OP, my 4 yo is a fab sleeper now but wasn't great up until the age of 2.5 ish when he stopped napping. My 2 yo is a total nightmare when it comes to sleep!

Agree with pp that stodgy dinner seems to help at least for the first part of the night. Mine get toast or weetabix and a cup of milk before bed if they haven't eaten a good dinner.

TBH I'm just hanging on until we can drop the last daytime nap (not quite there yet unfortunately!)

@millefeuille2 ...and unfortunately, those with good sleepers just think you're doing it wrong! From my limited experience, some sleep, some don't. Often very little you can do about it, so you get by the best you can. If cosleeping works, do it. But if you're able to night wean (and it might result in some screaming, but with mine it was just in our bed, so he was being cuddled, not left) then it might help.
Solidarity op. X

They do think you're doing it wrong! They don't know how lucky they are. Both I and DH were great sleepers, so we get a lot of 😐😐😐 faces from grandparents when the little ones' sleep is discussed.

Satin, we noticed both children taking less time to fall asleep at bedtime when we dropped their naps, but it didn't make them sleep through or for longer at night. DC1 dropped her nap at 2.5, and DC2 at 2 (though she still naps sometimes like when she's unwell). I'm told that's early - I know someone who still naps at 4!

I think there's something in the nap time and length and how much fresh air they get, whether they are cold or warm or need a glass of water, that can affect this, try different stuff, keep a sleep diary if you can as we forget what worked well. After a day at the seaside and only a one hour nap before 3pm, my kid sleeps really well if I have enough window open/bed clothes going on all in the right balance. Am trying to train her to reach for the water bottle now, gave up on covers and gone back to sleeping bag. Mine is 2.7 months.

Haha can you imagine if 'sea air' had to be a part of our bedtime routine? I know what you mean though, they sometimes sleep better when bushed from a full day.

We've moved on to duvet as DC2 is in a single bed with bed guard, like her sister. Can she still go in a sleeping bag if in a single bed?

What is diet like? My ds wakes a few times in the night if he has dairy. When he was a baby he woke 5 times in a night when I introduced formula. I put the connection together after a few days. With only breastmilk he woke 1-2 times a night and then eventually slept through at 13 months. But at 8 if he has dairy he wakes in the night a few times. We do mostly dairy free. But he loves it so it’s not easy.

Solidarity. 4yo and 2yo here. 2yo still wakes 4+ times a night. We've done various consultants, sleep training, sleep diaries etc. I've managed to get him out of my bed however now I spend about 6 nights a week sleeping on a thin mattress on the floor next to his cot. It's absolutely brutal.

Forgot to add, one my son doesn’t have dairy, he sleeps well and doesn’t wake. Def check diet if there are frequent night wakings. Dairy is known to cause this. Something about the sugars in the milk. Or if you are intolerant.