How to respond when baby doesn’t eat food BLW

[Orangepen13]

Hi there,

we’re practicing baby led weaning and just wondering how people respond when baby doesn’t eat what we give her. She’s 9 mo.

Currently, we try to have an easy back up of something we know she does like (fruit!). I offer the new food, then bring in the safer food alongside if she doesn’t eat it.

How many alternative options do you provide before you conclude the refusal is about something else (not hungry, pain, boredom, not wanting to be in a high chair etc)? When don’t you offer something else?

We have never offered something else, unless it is clear that the reason they aren't eating is because they can't actually manage the food, e.g. if they're frustrated that something is too chewy because they don't have enough teeth, or they're frustrated that they don't have the motor skills to feed it to themselves, or they can't handle the long pieces for swallowing etc. Then we'd probably give them some sort of mushy/soft baby-food tbh so not BLW then anyway. We don't give an alternative if they're just not eating it, I just assume they're not hungry then.

If babies, toddlers and pre-school children, especially under 3, aren't eating something they can manage then they are not to be hungry.

Oddly enough, people learn to over eat.

Bring out the fruit at the same time as the other food. They might be learning that if they don’t eat they get fruit anyway.

You need to remember that at this age their source of nutrients is still milk (formula or breast) and they are just getting used to food. They really don’t need it for calories

i am not sure why you are giving them fruit too? An approach that has worked for us is just to give them a small amount of whatever we are having with more available and they either eat it or they don’t without any consequences.

Once you take away the pressure on yourself to feel like they must it then it becomes a lot less stressful. I’m sure at that age most just ends up on the floor after they have explored it with their fingers

Ah interesting, I think we’ve been overloading with choice. We did start by not offering alternatives, but then wondered if she was hungry and losing out on opportunities to eat food. And now I’m wondering if we’ve got ourselves in a bit of a pickle. I’ve been so consciously trying to avoid a picky eater, I may have created one!

Thought the point of baby led weaning was that it's baby led. Ie, if they don't eat it, no worries. Just leave it there til you all get done, then clean up together.
I definitely, definitely wouldn't offer fruit as an alternative. You're teaching your kid that if they don't eat what they are first given, fruit will follow. Fruit is an occasional treat at this age, not a fall back. They need to get familiar with all different tastes and textures.

My baby has only just started eating really. She's one. I would put eg a couple of segments of satsuma, a few pasta twirls, two slices of cucumber/pepper/a sugar snap pea on her tray at the same time. Then give her more of what she eats. She will try anything but some days will refuse eg cucumber only to want loads of it the next day. I don't do courses or one food group at a time purely because I have seen my sister's kids develop a habit of waiting for pudding. Solid starts seems to suggest you can go with the flow though.

If they're hungry under 1, they should drink more milk (formula or breastmilk). So if they don't eat at a meal and are hungry later, they should be offered their milk source then, not more solids (between meals). Milk is their main source of nutrition under 1 as people have said.

Don't worry OP at 9month you've definitely not created a picky eater.

Offer a few different choices at the same time including something you know they can manage as well as more challenging foods. But try not to get into the habit of bringing out something you know they like after the first offering, as they may learn to hold out for that if they know it's coming.

Solid Starts app, website and Instagram is an amazing resource for BLW I'd really recommend giving them a follow.

Oh god, I’ve remembered why we did it. Today we stuck with our food and remembered she just screams when she’s in the high chair if she’s not eating. And if she’s on our lap she just gets in to all the food. This was how she always was before so I know it’s not because we haven’t given her fruit today. She is a very wilful child and always has been!

any advice on how to help? Is offering more food she likes the lesser of two evils, because the only other thing that helped us cope was not eating with her

We always gave one safe and one new/challenging food. It came out together and she ate what she wanted but nothing else was bought out as a replacement.

So safe foods would be: scrambled egg, banana, cucumber sticks, strawberries, bread and butter fingers

She would get one of those, then a bit of whatever we were eating or a new food.

We would put her in the high chair, if she doesn't want any and is upset, we'd take her out, and try and put her down on the rug to play/in the jumperoo or something so they're in the room and visible and we could eat. But if that meant they were also unhappy then we'd just take turns eating with one of us holding on our lap even if it means them getting into all the food etc. If they were always like this we probably wouldn't eat with them every night, maybe half the nights or something. I know loads of people who never eat their evening meal with their young children though (not our approach).