Lonely as heck... does it get better?

[tonijane17]

Hi everyone.

I'm 19 and gave birth to my baby girl on the 12th of April, she's 18 weeks old today! I know I'm a young mum, and there aren't many muns my age that I know of. I don't have any friends - the only people I'm involved with are my fiancé, my parents and siblings. I'm finding motherhood quite lonely. I had a really rough time after having my girl too - my episiotomy wound opened, and the wound closed only at 11 weeks postpartum, after 3 courses of antibiotics and a load of wound care. I also had to stop breastfeeding due to how unwell I was.

It's possible all of this is contributing to my low mood. I take my baby to Baby Sensory and Bookbug too (we're in Scotland), but all the other mums are much older than me and whenever I've tried to engage in conversation with them they look me up and down like I'm some muck on their shoe or ignore me! I obviously knew there would be judgement towards young parents but I'm as good a mum as any other and just feel so alone in it all.

If anyone has some advice or uplifting words I'd really appreciate it 🌺

Sorry to hear that.

I guess I’m a young mum as I had my first DC last year when I was 21 and then my second DC two days after I turned 22! I haven’t had the experience of being judged at any baby groups but I can imagine it happening.

If you’re willing to make some mum friends especially around a similar age to you, why not try Peanut? It didn’t work for me but I have friends that have met some nice mum’s on there. It may be nice to have some support from others.

Pre baby did you not have much friends from secondary school/college/uni/work? Whichever one applies to you really

Sorry you're feeling lonely, where in Scotland are you? Maybe you've just not found your people yet? There are lots of ways to meet other mums especially as your baby gets older. Sometimes it's just about starting to talk to people like at the play park or at play cafes etc. I'd also recommend finding mother and baby/toddler groups in your area. Try the Peanut app too!

Ps if people are judging you because your young then you don't want to be pals with those basic bitches! Could be they are nervous maybe you'll think they're old...

@45hopperbunny I'll try the Peanut app and see how it goes! Thank you x I was in college before pregnancy training to be a Nursery Practitioner but never actually met my classmates as it was all covid restrictions:(

@Mamabear04 I guess not 🤣 I'm just outside of Glasgow, and all the baby groups that are free are for older babies, 1-2yo. Baby Sensory is the only one I could find that was a suitable age range and that's £40 per month I'm paying 🤕 Maybe someone my age will come along and we can chat lol x

Do you not have any friends at all from pre-baby life? School, clubs etc? Reach out and get a few coffees/lunches in the diary, and rope your DP in to have baby while you do so.

I agree that Peanut is brilliant for meeting other mums, I've made such good friends on it. I see plenty of young mum's in my area on it too.

@tonijane17 Hi OP sorry to hear how rude some people can be.
What bookbug are you attending? I'm just outside of Glasgow too and due my second in a few weeks. Feel free to PM me if you'd rather.

@tonijane17 it will get easier as your wee one gets older and more age appropriate baby groups come up. Do you drive? Or near enough to get a train to Glasgow for some mum and baby groups? They have been a life saver for me even with baby number 2. Even just making the effort once a week to travel might be just what you need to start a connection with like minded mums?

@MolliciousIntent unfortunately not... I was I doing an undergraduate and was studying childhood practice -but because of Covid it was all just online so never met my classmates!

@MyloC I'm in the inverclyde area, so it's bookbugs held in the libraries down here. Congratulations on baba number 2 ♡

@Mamabear04 unfortunately I don't drive but ny partner is learning! We don't stay too far from a station that goes directly to Glasgow Central actually. I never thought to travel x

@tonijane17 what about from before then? At 19 you've only just left school, what about people from then?

@MolliciousIntent I actually left school at 16 nearly 17 , I had a miscarriage and shut myself off from everyone. I done two years of Childhood Practice but a little into my second I fell pregnant with my little lady... I gave quite bad social anxiety so even going to Baby Sensory and Bookbug is a bit out of my comfort zone

I sympathise, I got that up and down glare trying to be social at baby groups when I had my first at 19 when all the other mums were in their 30s.

I wish I had better news than a lot of people are lonely and isolated too and you're not alone in that.

Personally, I found it easier when I moved to an area that was more accessible and had more options and when I was looking into my own hobbies and interests that were open to families rather than trying to socialize mainly as a mum. Hobby stores and forums were really helpful for me, as was local volunteering, much of that gets easier as they get older too which I know isn't helpful now.

Have you tried the app peanut? I'm not sure if it's only in some areas. But it's a lovely way to meet mum friends.