Should I give up on breastfeeding?

[Bubbles021]

I had my beautiful little girl last week via planned c-section. She is our rainbow baby following the loss of our son last year at 32 weeks and our first baby that we have brought home.
Feeding has been an issue since the beginning. Initially she would latch on but fall asleep. The night's were particularly hard in hospital when I was on my own and she would become very distressed which made me extremely upset too. Midwives would latch her on, but it wasn't resolving the issue. We were discharged after two nights and her feeding had improved, but not enough. When we were visited by the midwife on day 3 she had lost 1lb, by day 5 she'd gained 40 ounce which they were happy with.
We've been pushing through, but had the occasional cup feed of formula which was recommended by the midwife.
However my 'good breast' that I think the flow was better in is out of use due to severe cracking and bleeding and I have been advised to let it rest. My other breast it seems to take her ages to latch on because she keeps pulling away as though it's not doing anything for her, so we've ended up cup feeding more than I would like to now I brought a pump so when we cup feed she is at least feeding from my own milk, but I have never felt this kind of guilt when I watch her feeding from a cup. I feel like I've failed her.
Last night she became so unbelievably distressed after breastfeeding for an hour. We tried everything to calm her over two hours and ended up giving some expressed formula with the cup and she calmed down, so I think she was just starving and must not have got enough from my breast 😢
It's breaking my heart watching her getting so distressed and it ends up making me just as upset. I was so excited to breastfeed and bond with her after not having the chance with my son, so I really am trying to push through, but I feel like I'm reaching my limit and I'm so tempted to just give in and bottle feed to prevent her needing to get so distressed.
Has anyone else had any similar experiences, or any advice at all? Thank you so much 💖

Congratulations on your beautiful baby 😊 have you tried nipple shields? I struggled at the beginning like yourself. Using the shields allowed my nipples to heal and gave the baby a greater 'area' to latch onto as its similar to a bottle. We still managed to feed, and then I took them away after a few weeks etc. Might be worth a try? But also remember that formula is good also! And as long as you and baby are happy that is all that matters xx you are doing great!

Don't give up! Your experience is typical of so many of us. What I suggest is: tongue tie assessment, lactation consultant appointment and join a breastfeeding/baby latte group today for hands on support.

Kathryn Stagg does a what to expect day by day l on Instagram which is really helpful. It is normal for a baby to fall asleep at the boob after less than five minutes when a newborn and need to feed almost on and off constantly. I had to wake my premmie to cup feed her expressed milk for weeks. Initially I thought I wasn't making enough milk but actually it was undiagnosed tongue tie which we had done eventually so by 10-12 weeks she'd learned how to latch and it was brilliant!

Breastfeeding works on supply and demand so you're better off pumping than formula feeding otherwise it is very easy to get stuck in what is known as the top up trap... gradually relying more and more on formula top ups so you don't stimulate milk production and then you won't make enough.

Best of luck!

You have some good advice here if you want to carry on. If you want to stop that is also fine. I imagine with what you have described you are exhausted and switching to formula will make it easier for your DH to take turns and let you recover. We are so lucky to have a safe alternative to breastfeeding.

Have you tried nipple sheilds so you can feed on your good side but will also allow healing?
Have they checked for tongue tie - I would really push for an assessment as they are easily missed.
you might also benefit from seeing a breastfeeding consultant.

Are you getting much milk when you express?

as she gets bigger it will get easier and the first few weeks are really tough and babies cluster feed a lot to bring in your supply. It often feels like they aren’t getting anything.

but equally if you feel like you are getting nowhere and want to stop Fed IS Best! The differences between formula/ breastfeeding are very minimal and formula is a wonderful convenient way to feed your baby.

mixed feeding is also an option it doesn’t have to be either/or

Yep, it can be rough at the beginning. I've struggled with both of mine in different ways, but it really does get easier very quick if you can persevere. It's a learned skill for you both, and it takes time to get used to each other's bodies and for our boobs to adjust to having a baby sucking on them suddenly for hours a day!

If you can get some face to face it'll help immensely. Ask your Hv/midwife or look up local breastfeeding groups who have peer supporters or breastfeeding counsellors. Or if you can afford it, a private lactation consultant. You might just need some small adjustments to get a better latch on bad side and find a way to get her latched on more quickly.

My DD was a very impatient feeder for the first three weeks so didn't like to wait for the milk ti flow, so I had to express till milk was spraying and then latch her on. As she got a bit bigger, she became more patient and efficient and I stopped having to do that. She's 8 weeks now and feels like a dream, but the first three weeks my nipples were a mess, latching her would take up to 40 mins sometimes.
It was awful! But it really does not last.

Don't give up if you do want to keep breastfeeding.

Sorry if I’ve missed it, but what do you mean by cup feeding? Do you mean a bottle or an actual cup?

I found breastfeeding really difficult and it was a huge relief when I stopped. So if it is really stressing you out, don’t feel bad for stopping.

Any amount of breast milk is beneficial, so if you decided to stop and give mainly formula, you could still try to express and give breast milk in a bottle as well.

lcgb.org/find-an-ibclc/

If you can afford it, a lactation consultant will come out to your home and help with positioning, check baby for tongue tie, etc. I used the same lady with each of mine and it was well worth the money!

Cup feeding is with a special tiny cup that facilitates the development of the lap (think kitten) that is needed for breastfeeding as opposed to sucking through a teat (bottle feeding) which doesn't help a newborn who needs lots of patience and practice at lapping.

My baby was very similar in that he would be on there for hours and then cry straight after. He is nearly 5 months and now exclusive breastfeeding. We did combo feed with formula at the start until he was able to latch properly once he got bigger.

nipple shields helped. Also if you can see a lactation consultants I’d recommend that as your nipples may be positioned differently on each breast like mine were which meant holding him differently per boob.

try not to feel guilty. My baby is still quite fussy and sometimes I feel guilty and think he’d be less fussy if he was formula fed, but honestly I think he is just a fussy baby coz he knows I’ll cuddle him if he fusses hahaha.

at the end of the day do what is best for your baby to keep them healthy. Even if you pump and only manage one bottle of breastmilk a day and the rest formula it is still an achievement.

Oh and finally we cup and syringe fed and then bottle fed DD1 for 6 weeks till she could latch on at all. She then fed from me till she was 1, so don't worry about having to do what you need to let your breasts recover. As long as the milk is being removed and you are preserving and building supply, don't worry too much about how she's getting it. My current newborn I fed for about two weeks with her barely on breast, just via expressed milk, to let my breasts heal.

Thank you all so much, I really do want to persevere, I think the tiredness and the hormones definitely don't help.
I will look into a lactation consultant. When they assessed her in hospital they said there may be a tongue tie at the back of her mouth, but because she was feeding they said even if there is one she wouldn't be considered for it fixing. I'm going to check this again though now.
Thank you all for such lovely supportive comments 💖

Hey just seen you have lots of really helpful comments so not much to add but just wanted to say don’t ever feel guilty you are trying so hard! Do what you feel is best for you and your baby, I think hormones play a big part with how you feel too as they are so all over the place postpartum, sending you hugs xx

Ask your midwife if there is a lactation midwife at your local hub - I was ready to give up but she saved our journey - we used shields and an incredible pillow and that got us through the first few months until one day she spat out the shield and latched perfectly and we are still going two years later.

Fingers crossed for you!

Congratulations! How about giving the National Breastfeeding Helpline a call on 0300 100 0212 and chatting to one of the trained volunteers there? They will be able to give you lots of support.

How much milk are you producing? I had a C-section and needed to take medication and comp feed for a few weeks until my milk came in properly. It’s more common with mums who have csections to struggle with supply. Good ways to deal with it are to spend a couple of days in bed with your baby, doing nothing but resting, having skin to skin contact and pumping to try to increase supply.

Also a friends baby was recently diagnosed with lip tie which I had never heard of. Similar to tongue tie (she had this as well) and also causes problems with latching.

Definitely worth getting a professional opinion but in the meantime, lots of rest, lots of water, lots of skin to skin plus pump if you are able.

Good luck !!

Can you buy the silver nipple cups? They work really well, within 24 hours so you can feed from your 'good side' again..

PLEASE talk to someone trained! Having a c section does not mean your milk will be delayed automatically, there is no evidence that lip tie affects breastfeeding, no need to drink lots of water and no evidence that silver nipple cups work.

You're doing brilliantly, don't worry! This is a massive achievement and you've done so well to get this far. I had a very similar experience (DD1 stillborn at 41 weeks, DD2 born by ELCS at 37 weeks, 6.5lbs and losing weight rapidly). I was advised to syringe feed so that DD could get some milk without having to work for it (hand expressed into a cup, then syringed into her mouth). Your baby is still very small and everything gets better as they grow. My baby's mouth was too small to latch properly at first but things improved as she got bigger. Cheat by keeping her wrapped up warm so she isn't needing to expend energy on keeping warm. Do whatever you need to do to get through the days (and nights!). You can always go back to breastfeeding - I think one of the biggest myths is that you only get one go at it. It is absolutely not true. Giving a bit of formula doesn't mean that that's it.

My mum had premature twins at the age of 17 and we were in NICU for 4 weeks - she expressed endlessly but later discovered that the nurses were feeding her milk to all the babies in the ward, not just us, and we were having formula as well. When we were ready to be discharged she established breastfeeding with both of us when we were a month old and went on to EBF for a year. I'm telling this story so that you can see that there are loads of different routes to success and a bit of sidestepping or backwards progress doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

Give yourself a chance to heal, keep offering the one breast, do what you have to do to get through the next 48 hours, have lots of skin to skin cuddles and try to cut yourself some slack. You've been through a hellish time and you're doing so well!