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Struggling with attachment issues?

2 replies

Cappuccino17 · 15/08/2022 22:03

I'm not quite sure if attachment issues is the correct term for what I feel.

But il describe it,
I have 2 sons, 1 is a baby and 1 is 5 years old.
Ever since my baby son arrived I admit I struggled to give attention to my elder one as my baby needed a lot of attention and breastfeeding him took ages. Before that we were extremely close . So my elder one would be left in the care of grandparents. He is quite close to both sets of grandparents. And my husbands parents in particular are very eager to look after him.
Now my baby is 1, but I feel that the grandparents really have a hold on my elder child. They've come unannounced sometimes and just taken him out. They've taken him to fairgrounds and all these fun things he likes to do. We as parents do take him out too. But it just really feels crappie that when they take him as parents we aren't there to take part in the experience and even if we are he gravitates to them more and wants to go off with them more. So the day is like we are hanging around in the background. It feels like they are making so many memories and there to build first time experiences with him and I feel like a crap mum when I'm around them as he prefers them over me and he's actually having fun. It literally makes my stomach churn. They take a lot of pictures too and share them out and when I see these pictures I just feel like crap. I know I should feel happy but I can't and I'm not quite sure why I feel like this. Anyone ever had this? How do you cope with this stuff mentally? Does it get better? I just want a close relationship with my child.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 16/08/2022 01:11

how often are they taking him out? Is them taking him out intruding on the time you have with him?

I think if they’re seeing him Occasionally and doing nice things with him it’s probably just you feeling odd about your changing relationship. However If they are around daily or taking him out most weekends maybe they are overstepping and you need to put some boundaries in with the grandparents.

over all it sounds like he is a lucky boy to have family that all love spending time with him.

sjxoxo · 16/08/2022 01:23

sounds to me like you feel some guilt over the times you couldn’t do both kids and you’re holding onto that. He is lucky to have adoring grandparents but I’m sure he doesn’t prefer them to you!! Can you ask them to spend more time with the youngest now they’re a bit older, so you can do some more with your older one? If not then spend some nice time together the three of you. You sound like a great mum, don’t be so hard on yourself x

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