14 month old post nursery meltdowns

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Oh wise MNers, please help!

DD is 14 months old, and started at nursery 3 days a week around a month ago. She has generally settled well and her key worker says she eats well, sleeps and plays while there.

However, for the last week, we've been having a complete nightmare every evening after we pick her up. She's cheerful when handed over to us but cries as soon as I try to put her in the pushchair, is very hit and miss with eating dinner and basically seems knackered and like she just doesn't know what to do with herself, so ends up in complete meltdown.

Tonight she ate hardly any dinner, refused her bath and only had a tiny sip of milk before we gave up and put her to bed. So it seems she's very overtired/overwhelmed, but I'm not sure what I can do to improve things!

I think she's mid transition between 2-1 naps and she's also just started taking steps independently, so lots going on!

Any help would be very much appreciated!

She's a 'street angel, house devil'
Mine were like this when grandparents had them for the day/ few days. Perfect then little sods when I brought them home!
They are 19 & 24 now, still sometimes little sods😂

Children often meltdown when they get home because home/parents are their safe space and they've been holding it in all day. It's perfectly normal! There's a name for it but I can't for the life of me think what it is. Look up Sarah Ockwell - Smith, she has good resources on this kind of thing.

Not helpful but my son is now 3 and this still happens. Quite normal I think but not fun so I feel for you. I get my son earlier whenever I can so he's not quite as tired but rarely possible.

Sounds like she's very tired and overwhelmed.
Is she having enough sleep and food at nursery?
It was horrendous for my boy to start with, he was still on 2 naps but they usually did one at nursery.
He also took a really long time to settle (hated it there) so was emotional and needed all thr mummy love when he got home.
I always try and have his dinner ready (just reheat) for when he gets home so I can spend time playing and reading to give him all my attention.
Nursery didnt get better for us until he was comfortable on one nap at around 17 months.

Thanks, really helpful to hear others' experiences, please do keep them coming.

@Geranium1984 She's eating well there, but sleep is quite variable (sometimes 1 nap, sometimes 2). Today she woke at 7am, then at nursery slept for an hour (9.30-10.30am) in the morning and 30 mins (2-2.30pm) in the afternoon, so not too bad.

Good to know it's not just us, as I just feel awful when she's screaming like a banshee and impossible to settle. Any tips on how to keep things calm would be great. I'm going to try having dinner ready ASAP as suggested and bringing bath/bed earlier to start with.

Try and spend 5/10 minutes with her when you pick her up, just cuddling or talking about her day to help her unwind and relax a bit. Then load her in the pushchair/car and go home. If you can't do this in the nursery then maybe outside or in the car?

My son does this every now and then. He just needs some Mummy time

It can be heartbreaking when this happens. You’re tired from work and looking forward to cuddles with your little one and then all you get is kicking and screaming. My older child was just like this every time I picked her up, despite loving nursery, but strangely younger one is totally chilled. I think it is just a build-up of emotion and they just don’t feel the need to cope or try to hold it in anymore with Mummy. I can only suggest distraction and whatever your little one finds relaxing. ‘Moon and Me’ and rice cakes worked for us. It will get better as communication improves, I would imagine. For us this stopped at 2.5 although to be fair nursery also stopped for a while at that point courtesy of covid. It certainly wasn’t a problem returning at 3. Good luck!

Mine are 2 and 3.5 and still both do this! It's less severe than it used to be but it's still hard work. I've never understood my friends who say they have these nice chilled out evenings!

Is she thirsty? I found my son around this age would come out of nursery and meltdown, in the summer particular I gave him some water straight away and also a snack he could have in his pram on the way home.

What time do you pick her up? what is the routine til bedtime?

Thanks for all your ideas. @Roseandrose20 I always take some water to offer straight away so hopefully that base is covered. Might try taking a snack with me too. @Sbena That's a good idea, maybe I shouldn't be so quick to try and get her in the pushchair (although I've carried her all the way home a couple of times which has knackered my back so need to be a bit careful ) Reassuring to hear some of you have had the same experience, although I'm sorry to hear it, as it is heartbreaking!

@alrightfella I pick her up at 5, offer water straight away. Back home in the pushchair, offer a light dinner at 5.15 (she has sandwiches/fruit at nursery at 3.30), then bath at 6.15/6.30, milk, story and bed at 6.45/7. (But tonight it all went out the window, so she went to bed at 6.20!)

Seconding the snack and drink - my 3yo does the same, especially when it’s warm - he’s knackered and thirsty and low blood sugar cause they feed them so early (“tea” is like 3pm) so I take him a watered down apple juice and a sugary (fruity) snack, soreen mini loaf or a banana and we have much less trouble!

Ok, I'm going armed with a banana tomorrow!

Yes snack! I've seen the portion sizes at nursery and they're a lot less than I'd serve. Even if my boy has not long had a snack he will always gobble something down on the way home.

We have a similar problem - it can sometimes be averted by presenting a banana immediately, but 2-3 days out of 5 we have meltdowns (sometimes about not wanting the banana, then wanting the banana, then the banana being broken 🙄)
I read somewhere recently that one approach is to give them a bit of space after nursery, so instead of trying to engage with how their day was etc, instead let them just chill out / decompress on the way home.
It can be heartbreaking and I’m hoping it is just a phase 😬😬😬.

My DD was like this as well when she first started at nursery. She’s been in for 8/9 months now and is so much better. Someone actually asked me if I thought there was something going on at nursery?? Like I should have been worried about abuse or something. I was never worried about anything like this.

I think it was just like yours, over stimulated and tired, getting used to a new routine etc etc

This is totally normal as they release all their emotions in their safe space which is you. Nursery is great but very full on. My toddler was like this for a good while. He has been going since he was 11 months. He's 2.5 now and we still get days like this sometimes.

Sometimes as rubbish as it is as you haven't really seen them quick supper bath and bed is the best bet on nursery days.
It will get better

Also does she have tea at nursery? If not quick easy meals. Beans on toast wraps etc. make sure you try and get 10 mins when you get in for a quick catch up and cuddle

Sounds normal to me.
Ds (20mo) has been in full-time nursery since February, its only been the last month or so that he's stopped being a complete nightmare after pick up.
Think its just them being exhausted, overwhelmed, and probably over stimulated after a full days activities and playing etc.
We still have days he refuses dinner and will go and lay down on the living room floor to indicate he's too tired and needs to go to bed!

Ph and 100% drink and a snack on way home

Thanks everyone. Have taken on board all your advice and we had a much better evening today. Cuddled her for a few minutes as we walked away from nursery, offered banana as a bribe to get into pushchair and then dinner/very low key interaction at home, plus early bath and bed! Really appreciate all your advice and hopefully our evenings will be a little bit smoother now!

😊