Intense parental fear

[surreyisik]

Hello everyone. I'm a first time mom to a 4,5 month old boy.
Today while I was lowering him to bed I accidentally dropped him an inch on the mattress. He cried for a few seconds as it came as a shock but he is fine. In addition to feeling like the most horrendous mom this incident however has triggered a lot of fear and anxiety in me. I did the wrong thing and googled news about dropping a baby etc and obviously came across with terrible real life incidents that happened to infants and now I'm sitting in tears unable to deal with the feelings.
How do you even get used to loving someone so much? Living with constant fear that something might happen to them and you might go through an indescribable amount of pain and sorrow? I can't get used to the possibility of being without him. I'm just having a real hard time managing the anxiety and fear.
I suppose I just need to hear I'm not alone and maybe at some point even if it doesn't get easier you get used to it? Any advice / insights to own experience is welcome.
Thank you

Op I once googled will my baby die if he doesn't burp.
The sleepless nights, adjusting, everything else we have to do is a lot.
I would suggest speaking to your HV/GP for some help.
Your baby will be fine

It can feel awful and terrifying. But it gets easier, especially when they become older as they are less vulnerable and don't need you so much.

Lack of sleep can also make you feel things you usually wouldn't.

My intrusive thoughts would take over if I didn't manage them. I'm really strict with myself and if I start thinking of all the bad things that could happen to my DC I make myself think of other things!

Oh join the club op! I once 'dropped' dd down the stairs, she was about 2 months old, and no one warned me babies suddenly do this awful 'lurch' backwards! I took her to A &E, completely beside myself and convinced she would be seriously injured. Had a lovely consultant, who after examining her, patted my shoulder and told me it was very common to see babies who'd caught their parent unaware by lurching backwards, she also told me if I had another dc I'd be prepared and carry them securely going up and downstairs.
Anyway suffice to say that 'dropped' baby is now a lovely 12 year old!
Just be aware they suddenly learn to roll, so don't leave unattended on a changing unit, sofa or bed (my dc2 surprised me at rolling very early on and yep he plonked to the floor with a thud!) he is now a ridiculously tall gangly sporty 10yr old so no harm done to mine despite numerous trips to A&E! I would love to say that's the worst of my parenting fails but sadly I'm just inept with child raising! The sooner they get to 18 and I'm no longer responsible for them the better!! Despite that though I love them both very deeply and they have quite a fond regard for me too, so I'm obviously doing something right!
It does get easier, so far I've found the first four years the hardest, although I haven't entered the teenage storm and stress years yet!

Thank you all. Your responses make me feel I'm neither mad nor alone 😂 Really appreciate it. There is such a steep learning curve in parenting isn't there? I'm currently in talking therapy to deal with the brand new feelings but it's a bumpy ride. We all got this 💐

This sounds like a bit more than the typical parental feelings, I would look into postnatal anxiety. I hope the therapy is helpful :) Our hormones can be a bit bonkers after birth just worrying about things happening to them but it shouldn't make you feel so terrible. Accidents happen. Some of the most reassuring threads on MN have been the ones where people share what accidents they had with their DC and the DC are fine!

There is such a steep learning curve in parenting isn't there

Hardest thing I have ever ever done but also the best.

Took me awhile to get into the rhythm, we all get there