I don't know how to do this

[Mamabear04]

Its my first day solo with my 2.10yo and 5 weeks old. I had a difficult birth and DH had 4 weeks PL then took another week AL because I had complications post partum. It's felt like an absolute disaster. I know how to look after a toddler and i know how to look after a baby but together I just can't do it.

The baby has been an excellent sleeper and up until today has slept about 2-3 hours at a time during the day but today he has slept maybe 30 mins every 2-3 hours!!! I am at my whits end and terrified his sleep is going to go to shit. He refused to go in the sling and then wouldn't go down in his cot. The only way I've been able to get him to sleep is when he's about to pass out from sheer exhaustion on my boob and then the noise from the toddler wakes him up.

I've also been a shit mum to my toddler and just generally been angry and up tight moat of the day. We've not managed to get out and I've snapped at her so many time for being noisy and shouting and waking the baby when it's not her fault the baby won't sleep and her just being a normal toddler.

How do I do this? I'm on my knees. I don't know how to do this!!!

It gets better. Snacks and more TV than you would usually do and get yourselves out with pram if you can, even just down to the park. Some days will be worse than others. Today just sounds like a tricky one with sleep, maybe a growth spurt, the heat or just a random blip.

And I think babies do adjust to the noise. DD2 is 8 weeks now and can mostly sleep through DD1's loud voice! Although I have had to read the riot act about DD1 tickling DD2 while she's asleep 🙄

Your toddler won't suffer if you're a bit short with her, and she doesn't need to go out every day. Try and take some pressure off yourself by not expecting to be Superwoman - the aim for each day, at this crazy stage, is "everyone fed, no-one dead".

Pare it down to what absolutely must be done - feeding them, keeping them safe, and getting as much rest as you can (I appreciate that's not much). This intense stage doesn't last very long, you just have to get through it however you can, and try not to beat yourself up. And for god's sake don't bother with housework.

@Hugasauras how do you get your baby to sleep with a toddler there? please tell me how!!! I really hope you're right that today was a bad day because I'm already dreading tomorrow and crying into a cold cup of tea.

@Greensleeves that is a great moto. Its saving me from an absolute melt down myself. I feel like such a bad mum though from snapping all day at my toddler. She didn't ask for this and now I'm getting angry at her for being noisy when apart from that she's behaved so well! When does it get easier? I really need some hope or some light at the end of the tunnel...

Can't you put the baby down in a quiet part of the house then take the toddler to the room that's furthest away to do something like reading a story/watching CBeebies or some other not-noisy activity?

Mine just loves the sling, she can spend like 9 hours a day in it at the moment! Whenever she isn't feeding she's generally in there because she doesn't like being put down at all and it's the only way I can do stuff with DD1 without a soundtrack of wailing. Sadly she's not very keen on the pram.

My DD1 is maybe a bit older too - she's 3.5 so better at entertaining herself and does sometimes listen to what I ask her to do!

For feeding times, I have a basket of quiet toys/sticker books/magnet books that only come out when baby is feeding, so that tends to keep DD1 occupied too as the contents are still a bit of a novelty.

@marvik I tried to put the baby down in my room but every time I tried to feed or rock the baby to asleep or at least sleepy enough to fall asleep my toddler came to find me and started just being loud and the baby would wake up. Every time I tried to just leave the baby in another room, the baby started crying and I couldn't settle him and when I did manage my toddler came to find me and again woke the baby up. I've tried quiet activities but she just gets so excited and the same with tv. Any suggestions?

@Hugasauras I wish that my baby would settle in the sling! He cried every time I put him in today. He doesn't really like the pram either, it's so hard! My toddler is generally really good but I've just been so distracted and it's hard to make her listen and make her understand instructions with all the mayhem. Does your little one not complain when the box of toys goes away after feeding?