DS 3.9 STILL not potty trained, please help!

[imnot27]

My ds2 is 4 in April, and he's still not going on the toilet. He started to get the hang of it a couple of months ago, and did a few wees on the toilet (he doesn't fit on the potty!), but now he just won't! If I leave him bare, or in pants he just wees and poos anyway, it doesn't bother him at all. He is also behind in his speech, so I'm beginning to wonder if this is all connected! Any advice would be great!

My DS2 was very late (he was about 4.4 before he was clean, although he was dry a bit earlier).

I would say take him the the GP to rule out any physical problems and also discuss any other concerns re his development.

My GP was great. He told me that it's not considered a problem until after they turn 4, and to relax and let DS sort it out on his own. Easier said than done, but that is exactly what happened.

Assuming GP gives the all clear my advice, for what it's worth is:

-Invest in lots of cheap pants, so you can throw the worst ones away, esp when you're out.
-Never Punish for accidents, will result in him hiding to do it. Just clean him up with no fuss and no eye contact. Could leave him to dress himself after.
-Lots of praise when he gets it right.
-Have nothing to do with anyone who makes you feel bad about this.
-Don't let it define who he is. I found I was judging a whether his day was good or bad, just on if he'd been clean. If you change him a dozen times in a day there are still lots of hours when he's been great to be with.

I feel for you and wish you well. You'll probably find that one day it just click and you'll wonder what all the fuss was about - honest.

No expert solution, just turned it into entertainment:

• pants with favourite characters on
• race to see who could get to the loo first
• chat or a song while on the loo
• play with bubbles in the sink and blowing bubble foam if ds did anything in the toilet
• own special handwash (ds had one that looked like an under-the-sea scene)

• phone grandma to report any successes (gm a saint!)

- no fuss if he had an accident

With this much fun, ds loved going to the loo! But if you think you ds is delayed well worth speaking to your gp, as you said, for an expert opinion.

DS1 is 3y4mo and I haven't even tried. He's not interested and I can't be bothered.

Most of the kids in his nursery class are apparently potty trained, but the majority have accidents every day. To me, that means they're not ready.

Same here! My ds is also 4 in April and still not toilet trained. Have been trying for 10 months and have tried all the above and more/less/got angry/ignored/praised etc etc etc. Nothing helps. Have had HV in a couple of times too. I think she has given up now too .

So, not much help I'm afraid, just didn't want you to think you were alone in the hell that is a non-toilet trained ds

My son is 3.4 and I started toilet training last July. He got the hang of it immediately then within a couple of days was pooing in his pants again and has been ever since. He seems scared to do it in the toilet/potty for some reason. Since starting nursery he just holds everything in until he gets home so even being there and seeing how other children use the toilet hasn't helped. I'm absolutely at the end of my tether, nothing works and I'm also wondering whether I should take him to the GP for a referral? Health visitor doesn't seem to think it's a big problem but to me it's a major deal so I fully empathise with you!