Can't deal with DD starting nursery

[Potatosack2]

DD is starting nursery next week. I've been pretending it's not happening and enjoying my time with her but it's so soon now.

She's my second, and although it was hard leaving my first too, my mental health wasn't great so I knew going back to work would do me good.

This time I have enjoyed every second, and as I won't have any more children it feels like the end of the best time of my life.

I honestly can't cope with leaving her, she's been EBF and my sidekick for a year, it feels like an impossible adjustment. I also feel so sad that it's gone so fast and I already barely remember her as a baby. It was probably the best year of my life and now it's over.

Please tell me to get a grip :(

No, not telling you to get a grip. It is an amazing time of your life & I'm glad you've really enjoyed it!!

Are you going back full time or part time?

Get a grip 😁
Seriously though, it's a tough transition but the prospect is often worse than the reality. There's upsides both for her and you. She'll be exposed to new things and people which will help her learn more about social interactions and resilience. You will get some independent time back.
Make sure you have some time each day to reconnect and relax together at the end of the day. Good luck and I hope it goes well 😊

Same here although it's this week and I don't think she'll settle in well either

I won't tell you to get a grip because your feelings are perfectly valid, and I can relate.

What I can tell you is that my babies are now 15, 14 and 10, and whilst I miss the baby and toddler/breastfeeding days, and look back on the times with such fondness, it is also a different kind of joy when they are old enough to sit laughing with you at the things you watched as a kid, or have meaningful, philosophical discussions and see the adults they may become.

I'm taking them to Edinburgh on my own (single parent) on a plane soon, and the planning for such a trip is all about what we want to do - we're taking a small carry-on each, whatever we forget won't matter (I don't care if there are blackout blinds or not!), and we can do grown up stuff like museums, or stay out late.

I find it helps me to focus on the future, rather than lament the past (not always able to - I get tearful looking at pictures from that time)

This too shall pass...

Thank you for understanding, she is napping and I am sat here with tears in my eyes.

I am lucky enough to only go back 4 days a week but it's still so different from having her with me every day.

I know I am very lucky that I have had all this time, and also lucky to have enjoyed it so I just need to remember that.

She has barely cried for the last 12 months, just smiled and babbled and been the happiest little soul, I can not believe how lucky I am. My heart is broken!

@peanutbutterjelly2 thinking of you! Even though DD has been much easier than DS and is super sociable I also have this gut feeling that she won't settle in as well so that is a worry. I know the guilt will be horrendous...

It doesn't help that when I go back I will be working from home full time. At least the first time I had lunches and coffees with work friends to look forward to. Its going to be depressing.

I chose to go back to work when DT’s were six months old - normal maternity leave then. They loved the staff and the friends they made (and still have those friends even though they are now 23). Concentrate not on you missing her but how exciting it will for her to do different activities and be with new people

Awww OP I am glad you finally had the year you wanted! I remember the morning of my DD first day at nursery I sat sobbing while I nursed her. There are so many things even now that can set me off because it reminds of that a time in my life has passed that I will never get back.

Think of all the positives - once settled DC will LOVE nursery, so many games and activities! And you can spend some time on yourself too! Positives all around.

OP is there no way you can go into work at least a couple of days a week? Being on your own is tough - I hated WFH. I like to separate my work and relaxation space.

@Mariposista I can go in occasionally but sadly none of my team are now based there so it won't be quite the same. It will also cost me 40 quid in travel each time which I am now thinking I am best off saving. But it really sucks, I hate WFH too. I did it for 18 months until I started maternity leave, it drove me crazy!

That is really tough. Perhaps you could try working in a co-working place, library, cafe or anywhere where there are people. Even if it's just a few days/hours a week. You may or may not strike up conversation with someone but at least you will be surrounded by others, and not on your own with silence.
Plan things to do in your lunch break, a walk/run/cycle, keep the radio on, check in with friends on days off and weekends. You will be fine, but I can sympathise, not a nice situation. WFH was lauded as brilliant but the MH effects of it are significant for some.

WFH is great for saving money and time on commuting but you do need to create some opportunities for being around people otherwise it can get lonely. Do you have any friends or neighbours around? I live in a small village so just going out for a walk or to the shop gets me out and I usually see someone to chat with for a few minutes!

Yes I think I'll have to be very disciplined in trying to break up the routine and maintain social interactions! I am definitely planning to work from a lovely cafe on days without Zoom calls (though they can be rare!) and I am looking forward to getting back into running at lunchtimes.

But this all feels worse as I am going from a lovely summer with my baby, seeing friends and family, to the drudgery of work, WFH loneliness, missing my baby, winter germs, sick children...

My eldest is also starting school so it will be a double heartbreak :(. These years have gone by in a flash, I miss them so much.

Oh no poor poor you! Do you absolutely have to go back to work? Can you not work say 3 days a week and be even more part time just for this next year?

I am slightly jealous of your amazing maternal feelings as I couldn’t wait to get back to work and did not really enjoy being a mum for the whole first year. And i love working from home! Without seeing my kid all day! Bliss! It’s even better when my parents take him for 3 days!

I think it’s absolutely lovely that you love spending time with your kids so much you sound like a wonderful wonderful mummy xxxx

Thank you for such a lovely message @LovingTheAbbreviations, the thread is a few months old now but your message has made me smile.

I am pleased to report that I have survived (just!) and found my new normal. And although I miss them being babies, every day I feel like I love them and the stage we are at even more than the day before!

Nursery germs also mean that I have spent way more time at home with DD than I should have in the last couple of months (silver linings! :D)

Good luck to anyone reading this and struggling with going back to work, it will be OK!

Oh I’m so glad! Sorry I didn’t look at the date of the post, I just read it and hoped you were ok. Thanks for the lovely reply it’s good to achieve closure on these things! 😂 xx

@Potatosack2 I just wanted to say that you sound like a lovely mum.