Would you leave your baby with this man

[Earlymorningslatenights]

Me and my ex partner have a 6 month old son. We split before he was born. Together for 4 years and when I was pregnant found out he had cheated and got someone else pregnant, who had already given birth by the time I found out…

Obviously I felt no choice but to end things. I am now struggling with co parenting. He has been there since he was born, when he was a new born we would meet up at a park so he could spend a bit of time with him. I was breastfeeding so couldn’t be away from baby. I stopped breastfeeding at 4 months and since then he has our son once a week overnight. His idea but I agreed.

The thing is even tho it has been months since we split. He still tries to get on to me. When he picks him up he will message me stuff after saying ‘you look so sexy in that dress’ or ‘I really wanna fuck you.’ He also says things like ‘I’m gonna get you back.’ I always shut it down and tell him I’m not interested, only talk about our son. This is relevant because it’s why I don’t want to spend time together with our son. So him having him overnight is better for me since I don’t have to deal with his physical presence and him tryna make a move on me.

Yesterday he called. I had a really awful day with my son. He was crying in public and I wasn’t able to soothe him, I felt like such a failure. I told him this and how I felt. He then said how ‘there was one time where I took him to a park and he was screaming so much a random guy came over.’ He then told me that he told the guy to do one and mind his business. I guess he told me all this in attempt to make me feel better, as I had told him how yesterday when our baby was crying this woman kept looking over giving me dirty looks which made me feel even worse.

This story about him crying at the park has pissed me off because I remember the day he took him to the park and he never mentioned him being upset. I would’ve asked. I always ask. And he always says he fine.
AIBU to feel like I can’t trust him now around our son?
the other only option is to let him see our son with me there but as I have explained his behaviour towards me is very gross and he doesn’t respect my boundaries.

He doesn’t sound like a father . He sounds like a random sleaze bag. Those comments to you are disgusting and disrespectful. He seems to view you as a commodity not a person. Is he on the birth certificate? I wouldn’t even be giving him access. He doesn’t sound responsible or even very nice.

Do you tell him every single time the baby cries? I doubt it.
He's the father, unless he's dangerous or neglectful around his child then of course he should see him.

You can’t trust him because he didn’t tell you about your son having a tantrum with him previously in public?

YABU
Do you announce to him everytime your son has a meltdown with you?
Do you question your parenting skills when your son is having a meltdown?

Basef on what you’ve written, what makes you feel your so trusting to be left with your son?

What a load of projecting bollocks !

His behaviour towards his ex has nothing to do with his parenting of his son. OP has clearly said they do not spend time together with the child and that he has been in his sons life on a consistent and regular basis since the beginning.

It may come as news but the child is not OPs to dictate when the other parent 'be allowed' to see their child. He is an EQUAL parent with equal rights and responsibilities in law if on the birth certificate. (And very easy for him to be added if he isn't) .

So, OP - you yabu to disrupt your sons relationship with his father on the very weak premise that he didn't notify you of a tantrum. The most important thing here is to put your child's best interests first. That means you should both be encouraging a good parental bond from each parent with the child regardless of feelings for each other .. with the usual caveats regarding welfare .

Babies cry and sometimes have off days for no reason. He's not going to report a tantrum to you unless he thinks there's something wrong. If he did you'd probably think he was complaining too much.

An ex who keeps trying to hit on you and says he wants to fuck you? Yuck!

Thankyou for your comments. I agree he doesn’t need to tell me every time he cries bcos I don’t do that. But I think it was more the fact that he was inconsolable and crying for a long time, enough for a stranger to come and intervene.

I guess your right tho. He is a good dad and I am grateful for that so I will try relax lol.

Sorry but you are being ridiculous no he doesn’t need to tell you that 🙄 my daughter was having an horrific tantrum once that a man came over and said to her that she’s going to have the police called on her 🤦🏻 (All because I wouldn’t buy her a toy in the shop) Strangers like to stick their nose in when it’s not needed, doesn’t mean anything

@FlyingSaucerss i get you and that is so out of order from that stranger behaving that way towards you and your daughter. but my baby is only 6 months old, this happened when he was just 4 months. So I don’t see it was a ‘tantrum’ he clearly needed something and wasn’t getting it. I have been the primary caregiver of our son so naturally I know him better. Because if he told me I could’ve offered some solutions that may have stopped the crying.
I think it’s an ego thing from him, like he doesn’t wanna have to ‘ask’ me for help and always wants to appear that he knows it all.

Babies get upset. Unless you text your ex to inform him of every time your baby cries, I think you are out of order. We've all been there with a crying baby in public. Also, people may perhaps 'check in' on a man quicker than they would a woman, as some people around them to be incompetent with babies.

He's a total creep, rude and offensive to you, but i don't think he's done anything wrong about your baby

Dear ex

im glad you and baby had a good time today. However your follow on messages about how I looked or getting back together are inappropriate and I don’t appreciate them nor do I want to receive them.

we have a good parenting relationship which I wish to continue however I will not be harassed by you.

please stop this behaviour going forward.

thanks earlymornings

make it clear you don’t like it. No you can’t stop your son seeing him and he appears to be an overall good parent. However the things with you are a separate issue and need nipping in the bud. I suggest the above and if he carries on tell him it’s harassment and if he carries on you will report him to the police and he will have to pick up son from a. Contact centre. He is pushing his luck.

equally I don’t think you should lean on him for emotional support so you aren’t giving mixed messages regarding how close you are to him emotionally. He is the father of your child that’s it

Although you're correct that a 4-6 month old isn't having a tantrum they obviously need something, and I'm not saying this to hurt you, it's likely what he wanted was you.
That's unavoidable when parents aren't together, it's crap but one day when (hopefully) your son has a good relationship with his Dad you'll know it was worth it.
Your ex might know this, if he's done all the things feed/change/winded etc, he just has to ride it out. They have to work it out between them. If you know he likes certain songs or special moves tell his Dad ahead of time or send him a link to an example on YouTube. It's unlikely he's going to want to call you, it'll seem like he can't cope. He might be afraid you'll use it against him.

This is totally separate from the relationship between you as adults. His comments are inappropriate and it's not fair to make you feel uncomfortable. You've told him it's not on, better to try and not engage with non-child chat as much as possible. Sometimes the best response is silence.

But did it actually happen? Or did he make it up as a weird kind of bonding story to get you on side.

Sorry old thread. Oops.