SIL frustration

[Tulipsparkle]

I'm 40 and my DH is 51 and we have two children aged 8 and 5. My SIL is 55, married with no children. My parents in law are sadly no longer with us and my DH and his sister generally get on well and we live close by.

Ever since our eldest was born, I've felt my SIL has been quick to 'offer' parenting advice when this wasn't asked for. My late MIL was a forthright opinionated woman with old-fashioned views regarding bringing up the children. I often bit my tongue to avoid confrontation over the early years although I remember on one occasion snapping shortly after the birth of our second child (nothing personal or horrid towards her though!). My DH agreed that his MIL was out of order on a number of occasions but felt her age was to blame for her comments. I once overheard my MIL and SIL talking about me when my eldest was 6 months old after I kept the bedtime routine the same rather than keeping my child up later for my SIL who was running late (we were all staying with my parents in law for the weekend). My MIL often used to say in front of me that my SIL and BIL would have made great parents (unfortunately they left it too late) but she never ever said that we were doing a good job.

Anyway, fast forward to today and my SIL continues to question decisions that we make regarding the children, which to be honest, I think is totally none of her business to question. My DH and I have suspicions that our youngest might have Adhd following a number of concerns at home and reported at nursery (this is another thread tbh, a lot of impulsiveness and heightened emotions at trigger points). The youngest starts school this month (in Scotland) and we're hoping that we'll get a better idea of how they're coping over the next few months.

My SIL made comments this weekend that we 'should' be taking the youngest out on their bike to practice and 'should' be taking them out to a busy community event that was happening today. We actively encourage our youngest to try going on their bike (and balance bike) but they're just not interested yet. We also didn't want to go to the community event as they don't respond well in crowds and they're a bit of a runner due to impulsivity. I got so frustrated with the inappropriate questioning that I had to get up and leave the room as I was that fuming! She didn't apologise when I returned but it felt a bit awkward. How do you think I should respond to this? I know she loves my children but she's overstepping the boundary in my opinion for 'offering' advice 😕

Has your DH spoken to her about it?

Just tell her you are happy with the parenting decisions you and dh are making but thanks for the advice anyway..

Thanks, yeh I think I'm going to have to be really direct if she tries it again. I'm hoping that she might think twice the next time she feels the need to comment given it clearly upset me yesterday.

Not yet, he agreed that he will say something if she starts another time. He doesn't think she's trying to be critical, he's more used to her manner but he can see why it bothers me.

If he can see why you're upset he definitely does need to step up and talk to her.

I'd be telling her clearly that I don't want to hear any of her uneducated, unwanted parenting advice. If she can't manage to keep her mouth shut, she can stay away.

Thanks, that's my next step! My DH had a conversation with her this evening and he made her aware of what upset us (more me but he also agrees that it's frustrating). She seemed to take on board his feedback according to him although she also tried defending the comments until it was on the verge of getting tense. I'm hopeful a lesson has been learned and she'll bite her tongue the next time she doesn't necessarily agree with our decisions!