Overwhelmed new Mummy to two

[Iamtoobusy1234]

Just after some advice pls. Mummy of two little ones - 4 year old and 4 month old. Finding things tough at the moment and feeling overwhelmed by being a new mummy of 2, so much so can’t help thinking how much easier my life was with 1. Now thinking if I made the wrong decision :0(

Has anyone felt like this & did things get easier?

Yes, felt like this for the whole first year pretty much! Found it got easier when my youngest could run and start playing with eldest :)

I think it's pretty normal tho think "what on earth have I done!" But if you are finding that you feel overwhelmed more than you are having good moments it might be worth speaking to the PANDAS Foundation or your GP?

I have a 4 year old and 6 month old and absolutely hate it. There are lovely moments and I love both children but I'm knackered and emotionally wrung out. I do have PND. My DH is great and extremely flexible and hands on but I would just like to be alone for a few hours and get some space. It's so hard to juggle feeding / naps and the needs of both children

Yes I totally feel you. DS2 was born when DD1 wasn’t even 2 & the first few months were absolutely horrendous. It does gradually improve as each month goes by but for me not significantly until DS2 was closer to 1.

just hang in there & you will get there :-)

It does get easier. It's really hard work to start with but when they go to school/ nursery and you get a break it's much more manageable. They'll be bigger and playing together and letting you have a cup of tea in peace before you know it, hang in there.

Is your 4yr old in childcare? If not, I'd hop on that sharpish.

Second this - my 4 year old goes full time as we just kept her space from when I was working as I was very ill in pregnancy and I my DH insisted on it due to my PND (glad he did!)

Thank you for all for your responses. Glad to feel I’m not the only one & definitely have those —“what have I done moments” :(

My son starts school in Sept so that will give me and my youngest sone time together & won’t be so manic.

I think I’m struggling as my husband and I initially only ever wanted one child but as our eldest starting growing up we wanted him to have a sibling to have a relationship with. But we did take a few years going backwards and forwards to make that decision. Which is also why I feel overwhelmed too as all my insecurities about why I initially wanted only one are creeping back in x

We have an almost 4 year old and an almost 8 month old. Up until 6 months I found it hard because I hit no respite fom them. Going to bed early with the baby until they went into their own room was tedious. And our preschoolers behaviour has settled after the shock of getting a new sibling too.

I think its nice to have a sibling, and also, some of the most selfish and entitled people I've known are only children. DEFINITELY NOT saying all only children will end up like that, but I didn't want to risk it! Plus it will ge nice for them to have someone to share the burden when DH and I are elderly. I'm not expecting them to live with them etc but having someone to discuss plans with, a problem shared an all that

Yes I think you’re definitely right about the behaviour we had the same thing. I think part of it is an adjustment for everyone really - being a family of 3 for so long!

Agree with you about having a sibling to share the burden & I guess we also done it as unfortunately you don’t know what life brings so wanted a family unit.

When I’m feeling overwhelmed I’m trying to remind myself these reasons x

I completely agree with @Stayingstrongish that was certainly experience too. Hang in there!

This was me a year ago - a then newborn and 2.9 year old. It got better in stages. When little one would nap in a buggy and not on me. When big one started preschool. When little one started crawling and being interactive.

I now have a 3.9yo and just turned 1yo and am with them full time atm as on summer holidays (teacher). It’s not easy, but it’s infinitely easier than the early stages of having two. They do play nicely together now, and I think once DD2 is walking (she’s cruising and starting to take the odd step) we’ll be on to a winner.

My advice is take it one day at a time, don’t feel guilty about screens and use biscuits as a bribe.

Thanks all - definitely feel better after reading all your comments x

Yes I can totally identify! Similar ages too. My dd now 5 and ds is 13 months. They are starting to really interact with each other which is so lovely! I'm still exhausted but finding it is getting easier as 13month olds sleep is getting better. I guess as they get older it will get easier, with different challenges I'm sure. I just know now that I'm content with 2. If I've just stuck with 1, personally I would've felt a lot of what ifs but 2 I'm definitely done with!

Yes similar ages…good they are interacting more!

I can definitely relate to knowing we are done with 2! Like you we didn’t want to regret not having another & then be too old to try for another.

Good you mentioned things are getting easier - I was just surprised at how much of an adjustment it was x

I had the same age gap.

i thought I’d broken our family. Six years on they’re best of friends and, oddly, when number 3 came along it wasn’t as hard.

it gets easier, I promise!

@sunflowerandivy sorry I forgot to say I hope things get better for you. At least you’ve opened up about how you are feeling & getting support X