I can’t sleep when cosleeping

[Bananacake91]

I have a 4 week old and am so desperate to sleep.

Since he was 2 weeks old, we’ve been cosleeping as he refuses to sleep anywhere other than on me. However, cosleeping isn’t really working out either. He moves and thrashes around so much in his sleep that I’m either being kicked or I’m constantly alert thinking he’s about to wake up. It is good for EBF though.

It seems like cosleeping is often the suggestion for babies that don’t sleep on their own but what do I do if it means I still don’t sleep? I’m starting to feel dangerously tired. DH and I also tried sleeping in shifts before deciding to cosleep but that wasn’t great either and especially not possible now that DH is back at work.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

No advice. My eldest started sleeping in her bed at 10. My youngest is now 10 and is with me still. I just want calm and quiet!!!

You can still do shifts if you go to bed very early. That way you could at least get a few hours uninterrupted sleep while your partner doesn’t have to go to bed too late.

I used to go to bed at 7pm, DH would have baby downstairs until 11pm (and would give one bottle of formula per day. Breastfed the rest of the tine). It was the only way for me to get a bit of uninterrupted sleep.

I could never co-sleep, like you I wouldn’t actually be sleeping.

I would keep trying to put the baby in the cot (once he’s asleep). He might wake up a lot but at least you can cat nap in between.

It will get better, I promise!

You’re not actually cosleeping though. what you’re doing is training your baby to only fall asleep on you. The lack of sleep is extremely dangerous. Put the baby in their crib next to the bed, they will eventually fall asleep.

@Soontobe60 I am cosleeping, following the Lullaby Trust guidelines. He sleeps right next to me in my bed (firm mattress, no pillows, no duvets etc) and I BF him lying down.

During the day, he'll mainly sleep on me.

I do try putting him down when I can, to get him used to other surfaces but he'll normally wake straight away/after a few minutes. He then gets very overtired and is really hard to get to sleep the rest of the day/at nighttime. So it's a balancing act of making sure he gets good daytime sleep vs. getting him used to not being on me all the time.

Have you tried a 'next to me' crib OP?

Swaddle. Hold, rock, feed, dummy, pat etc whatever he likes to get him to sleep. Wait 5-10mins after he is asleep and place gently bum first in cot, slowly retreat. Shush/pat on tummy, put dummy in, play white noise if stirs. Keep trying. Over time reduce the amount of time you hold for.

Even if he wakes up after a few minutes, keep putting him down. Eventually he will sleep for longer once he's down

(one time it took me 4 hours)

Cosleeping is awful. I don't understand how it's the magic solution to all sleeping problems. I tried it countless times in first few months. EBF here too and no one slept! I don't know where these babies are that magically sleep once on your bed next to you. It wasn't my baby for sure! The only thing that worked for getting rest was feeding baby 7:30-8:30 then DH taking her downstairs and playing / napping in sling until 11pm. I'd then feed and she'd be with me until 6am ish. Id feed her and DH would take her in sling until 9am. She'd sleep like a log in sling from 6am - 9am until she was 4 months. Things changed at 3 months as it was clear she needed an earlier bedtime so didn't get my 2 hour evening nap but the morning nap continued until she was 4 months so even if I'd only slept an hour or so I'd always be "ok" as I'd have 2-3 hours in morning. Things change so quickly. During 4 month sleep regression I started putting down drowsy but awake and did some pick up put down CC mash up to get baby settling in cot as feeding and rocking stopped working and it helped with longer stretches like 4/5 hours. DD 6 months old now and there's absolutely no way she'd sleep in my bed! She'd be too excited and she rolls and rolls so not safe.