First Time Mum Guilt

[racquel86]

I had my first baby at 35, I waited years to have her due to not meeting the right man, took time for me to get pregnant, I had severe mental health issues that needed addressing before I could have a baby. Im pleased to say apart from the usual baby blues and natural mum anxiety my mental health remains the best I can ever remember it being!

SO, to the point..... I'm going back to work 4 days a week soon, DD will be nearly 10months. I don't really have a choice to be a SAHM financially, and I am looking forward to it - I love my job, I'm going back to a base closer to where I live and have the opportunity to also develop on my return, and most of all I feel it will help me keep my mental health in a good place. I love my DD beyond words, please don't think I don't!
I'm just panicking that 4days is a long time to leave her so young.... what if she forgets me? Resents me? She will be going to nursery 4 days as we have no other option and so far at the settling in sessions she's been absolutely fine and enjoyed it. But with 2 weeks to go before I return to work I've suddenly got all this anxiety.

Has anyone else been in a similar position and can share some words of wisdom?

4 days is fine and a great balance. I went back 5 days a week when my first was 7 months and I've just gone back to 5 days after 14 months of mat leave with my second after my flexible working request was refused. I want 3 days a week but it's for me more than her - like her sister she's thriving in good quality childcare. We have weekends, bank holidays, annual leave, unpaid parental leave (18 weeks to take before they're 18, up to 4 weeks a year) and you'll have 1 day a week off. Your baby won't forget you and your bond will remain strong. You wouldn't think twice about working away from your baby if you were a dad.

It's very normal to have some worry about going back to work but it sounds like you enjoy your job and have found a good Nursery. Plus you'll still have 3 days with her.

Enjoy your weekend and look forward to going back and having a wee in peace!

Both my boys went at same age.

Our time together was so special. They thrived in nursery but equally loved time work us. From simple downtime at home or days put at weekends. Some weekends we chilled at home together. They would be tired as would we.

My youngest finished last week at 5 years. I bawled. He had a great experience with people who nurtured him and is so ready for school.

Your baby will be fine. Nothing replaces the parent. Nothing at all but everyone needs their own time. Him in nursery. You at work.

I went back 4 days and honestly it was fine; it took a while to get back into the swing of it but my DD was fine and it was good for me and I then really enjoyed my time off with DD

Thank you for the reassurance. Unfortunately I won't quite have the same privilege of all weekends and bank holidays off as I'm a healthcare professional but this doesn't worry me too much as I'm used to that way of working. My employee has been supportive in that they have agreed to roster in my weekends when my partner is not working weekends to help with childcare if I let them know his shifts so I'm very lucky in that respect

Thank you to you all for your kind and reassuring messages - it really has helped. And she has been happy at nursery so far and I do realise as time goes in she will get upset sometimes and my rationale head tells me that natural, just like I don't always want to go to work the job I love haha.
In my sensible head I suppose I know it will be fine and I hope to j spire her as she grows to work hard and achieve what she wants. And I seriously do think as much as I love her and she is my world, and I'd love to give her a sibling one day...... my mental health would suffer being at home all the time and hopefully in my 3 days off she will get the best of me and some real quality time - fingers and toes crossed!
Thank u so much ladies xxx

Few typo's theee but I think u get the jist of it 🤣

*there 🤣