40+ Mum feeling lonely & invisible

[BexOBex]

40+1st time mum during Covid. Feeling very lonely and lost my identity, confidence, feel invisible including in my job, peri menopause kicking in, put on weight, have a hubby who works nights a lot of the time.

I am very lucky and grateful to have our son, he’s a miracle and I’m good at being his mum, love him so much and yes my life would have changed and he comes 1st!

But I feel so lonely and lost. I made no mummy friends because of lockdown. From the outside looks like I have plenty of friends, but either older living it up! Younger with kids and formed their own circle. I should push myself out there but feel a burden and hanger on and out of place.

Son is doing well and don’t want him to be affected by this, and he won’t be 🤞
Also feel guilt over son being an only child and he will be, can’t have anymore, always got asked when will you have children, now it’s when you having second one!

Im overwhelmed and need a little support or words of encouragement, something! Anyone in a similar situation?

I had my kids in my forties. My first was pre COVID and I did make mum friends but I lost touch with most of them (except for 1) after about a year when we all went back to work. You'll still have plenty of opportunities to make friends Eg at the school gate. Most of the mums I mingle with are younger and so far it hasn't really been an issue. Age doesn't come up much naturally and I don't discuss my age with them.

I also worry about being an older mum especially to my second one. I'll be in my 60s when he's an adult. But that's just how it happened. I keep thinking that I wish I'd had kids earlier but realistically it just wasn't possible. I'm an older mum but I think right now is probably when I'm the best mum I can be.

I wouldn't worry about having a second. I did a lot of research on this before I had my second and all the research points to only kids having no disadvantages in life whatsoever (including in terms of feelings of loneliness and happiness). On the contrary. Many studies have actually found that only kids do better and achieve more though of course on an individual level there are no guarantees.

I still had my second but while I'm happy about that i realise that my older one probably does miss out on certain things because she has to share her parents attentions. I guess on an individual level there are advantages and disadvantages to have a second but there is definitely no reason to feel guilty about just having one. Your son will not suffer for it. On the contrary.

My eldest is 5 and my youngest I had in lockdown. I had postnatal depression with the second one but honestly it was more like lockdown depression! Maternity number 2 was a different ball game due to the lockdowns, I didn't make any friends so it was very isolating.

Are there any toddler groups that you can go to now? ...to meet other mums? Have you joined the peanuts app to meet other mums with same aged kids?

Do you work? Or want to?