How long did it take for your toddler to come to terms with a new baby?

[Mamabear04]

Just wondering how long it took for your toddler to come to terms with a new sibling and when it started to feel normal to be a family of four?

DD is 2.9yo and I feel like she is only just starting to realise that she has to share her parents with DS who is 4 weeks old. So far she is not outright jealous but is starting to say that she doesn't want us to hold the baby or gets upset when he cries (probably because it means we have to turn our attention to the baby). My HV said it all peaks around 6 weeks but I was just wondering of others experience?

3 months until my three year old went near her brother, 4 months until she would touch his tummy and lay next to him for 30 seconds for a photo. My DS is only 4 months so it's taking a very long time

I'm just letting her go at her pace as there is little point in forcing the issue. I do make sure my three year old has 1-1 time throughout the day and isn't pushed aside. So far we have no evidence of jealousy.

@darlingsweetpea I've been trying to give DD 1 on 1 time but it just seems like every time we sit down to play that the baby starts up and I need to attend to him. How do you do it?! DD is very patient but I'm worried that she's starting not to be and want to avoid any negativity around the baby for her...

My mother made up a little basket of things needed to change baby for my daughter. She was waiting with basket when I brought baby home. She was really good at helping Mummy. Maybe get your older child involved?

About 4 minutes but I think that was in part due to DC2 being very very generous with his gift to DC1 and buying her a massive Duplo set. 😆

A sling was a godsend in the early days because it meant I could do most things with DD, and DS probably spent more time in a bouncy chair than he should have done but you do what you need to. Now 4 & 2 I spend most of my time breaking up their scraps!

Well my toddler is now 10 and the baby is 7 and they both frequently ask me if I can send the other one back, so... buckle your seat belt, you're in for a long journey?!

@Mamabear04 it's really tough and let's just say the babies needs aren't always met at the speed of lightening like they were with my first.

I have found the sling to be brilliant as DS is zonked out so me and DD can paint, play, wash dolls etc

I do also multi task and read books and play some games while bf on the sofa.

It's meant to get easier, but I'm not sure when!!! It sounds like you are doing an amazing job and it's just a case of you're not going to please everyone all of the time.

@SammyScrounge I have this kind of thing too and sometimes DD helps but more often than not she doesn't want to...I keep trying to involve her but when DS cries she doesn't want to be around.

@darlingsweetpea thanks for the advice. Sounds like you've got everything running smoothly! Had my first morning solo with both kids today before DD went off to DGPs house. Went OK and managed to play and BF at the same time. Couldn't get DS to sleep until after she left though....!

@Mamabear04 great job! I would not worry about the sleep, the baby will go when they're ready. My DS has been up for 4 hours and hasn't been to sleep yet either.

@darlingsweetpea that makes me feel a lot better! With DD I was so concerned with wake windows and naps and this time I am trying to go more with the flow but its hard because I have the "sleep begets sleep" mantra running through my head 😬 I'm slightly terrified if DS doesn't get enough sleep then it will all fall apart and the night waking/crying will get worse....

My DD (2 when her brother was born 6mths ago) was fantastic with the baby. No jealousy at all.
But what we had and still have is crying whenever the baby cries. Even the slightest noise that sounds like a cry sets her off and when she's tired too it can end up in hysterical crying. It happens mainly in the car and it's like a form of torture for us 😄

Ds was 3 when dd came along. He was fine for the first 2 weeks. Then for about the next 12 weeks my usually lovely ds turned into satan himself over night. After 12 weeks he got over it and was back to his usual self. It’s hard at the time but it does get better.

@PissedOffNeighbour22 that is exactly what we are going through too! It's so tough!

@Tallulasdancingshoes it seems to be most people are saying around 3 months is really normal. Glad to hear that your LO went back to normal!

@Mamabear04 Yes it's really difficult. I don't think the crying is for attention at all as she's really concerned that we help him. She'll physically drag me to him if he's crying and put my hands on him.
She's kind to him, shares her toys with him, helps look after him etc and is now obsessed with everything being a baby for her to look after.

I just can't wait for it to stop though as it drives us mad when she cries for 10mins because he squeaked. She doesn't go to nursery though so hasn't had any interactions with other kids.

@PissedOffNeighbour22 I'm in two minds whether DD cries for attention. Sometimes I think it really is genuine and just can't stand the noise like when DS is full on crying but when he makes a noise that suggests it might turn into crying or even when he is grunting trying to poo she gets herself into a flurry and then almost winds herself up to being upset if that makes sense? DD is also not yet at nursery. She asks if DS is alright all the time and says she loves him and does show interest by rocking his moses basket every so often or going to check on him when he's sleeping. She often asks "what's wrong with DS?" when he grunts or just before he cries. How old are your two LOs?

@Mamabear04 my DD is 2yrs 6mths and my DS is 6mths. My DD has really poor language skills though and barely talks which makes it so much harder to know why she's whining.

@PissedOffNeighbour22 my DD is 2.9yo and has excellent language skills and still doesn't express her feelings with words! Sounds like you're doing a great job though and that you are helping her adapt to her new sibling.

@Mamabear04 It certainly didn't feel like I was doing a good job yesterday. She really outdid herself with the crying and whining.

I don't know anyone with kids so I don't know whether her behaviour is normal. It's so difficult just to understand some of what she's trying to say. Wouldn't it be nice to just jump forward a year or two and have them settled and no longer throwing a fuss over every little thing 😄

Three and a half years so far, still counting...

Hm... mine have 18 months between them. Eldest is 13 and he still rages at times that 'his life was perfect' until his brother came along. 😁
Sorry if this is not what you wanted to hear.

@PissedOffNeighbour22 have you spoke to your HV about DC1s language? This might be very bad parenting advice but I'm sure my LO has picked up a lot of language from TV (super simple songs was a YouTube was a favourite). Also reading baby books with simple language. It's so hard, even now my LO will whine when she's tired or frustrated!

@Hobele @keeprunningupthathill sorry you've not had good experiences

@Mamabear04 Her 2yr check with the HV was recent and they weren't worried at all about the language issue. I said it hadn't improved much in months and HV said she could tell it was coming soon and not to worry. There's been a slight improvement recently but nothing drastic.
She never used to watch tv at all but recently she's become obsessed. I do think her language has got better since her Bluey and Duggee addiction took hold 😄