Baby can’t be put down - how to transition to crib?

[Bananacake91]

I have a 4 week old who can’t ever be put down. I know all about the 4th trimester and that it’s completely normal for some babies but I’m really struggling with it. Don’t get me wrong, I do love the cuddles, but it’s also making me feel trapped. He naps on me during the day and we cosleep at night. He won’t sleep in the car or his pram - only on someone - and often only me.

My DH is back at work now and I’m struggling with things like showering, using the toilet, feeding myself and doing basic chores. He does like the sling, which helps, but I’d really like him to be able to be put down at least sometimes. Even if it’s just at night time as my DH is currently in the spare room and I’m such a light sleeper that I don’t sleep well next to DS (but better than nothing, which is what I’d be getting if not cosleeping!)

Has anyone else had a Velcro baby but been able to gradually transition them to be able to sleep in their crib/nap somewhere else at all? And how did you do it?

Yea I had Velcro babies, the first was very much like yours.

Yes, it does get better.

If you can, get DH to get up half an hour earlier and take baby out into the garden whilst you have a shower.

If baby is happy in the sling use it if you need to do anything and don't worry too much about the housework or food right now, some microwave meals or takeaway won't hurt.

Swaddling can work too although I'd be reluctant in this heat.

Have you tried using a T-shirt DH has worn as the sheet in his crib? It should give him a nice reassuring smell.

A swinging seat helped DC1 so that might be worth a try although DC2 hated it.

I feel you... my baby boy is 8 weeks and I cannot put him down for naps during the day. Its weird because birth to 6 weeks he loved the moses basket and didn't really care for cuddles. He is actually pretty good at night though. I know how you feel - not being able to do washing or shower etc gets me down - I literally have to put the washing out on 30 seconds before he will wake up and realise I'm not holding him!
Here are some things that SOMETIMES work for us

Next to me crib - he sleeps really well in this. Think it's because he can see me easily

White noise machine - £20 from amazon and is a lifesaver

Baby swing

Put him down and each time he cries or fussed pick him up, settle him, and put him back. Sometimes after the 3rd time he is just too tired to bother fussing

Good luck -if you find a good method let me know!!

1. Baby falls asleep on me
2. Wait 19 minutes until he was deeply asleep
3. VERY SLOWLY AND GENTLY lean forwards over the crib so he was lying there but also being cuddled
4. With the utmost care, slowly let go and peel myself off him

I would then have maybe 20 min to take care of my basic needs

@Nat888 We have a next to me but he doesn’t sleep in it. The longest he’s slept in it is an hour (once)! 😅 When cosleeping, he can sometimes do 2-3 hour stretches.

Have you tried swaddle sleeping bags like Love to Dream and Tommee Tippee? Mine sleeps better in those and you can get light ones for hot weather. A friend suggested warming the baby’s mattress with a heat pack before putting them down as they might be reacting to the temperature difference. Also bouncy chair for when they are awake and you need to put them down.

Mind also hated the next to me but does much better in the Moses basket. Might not be worth buying one now though as it will be outgrown quickly.

I can't help you with the sleeping bit, but my baby wouldn't let me have a shower. I'd put his Moses basket in the bathroom, turn the hoover on and jump in the shower. We could both see each other and it was the only way I could shower in peace. Alternatively my husband would have him before he set off for work and I'd jump in the shower then.

I couldn't put my DS dow for naps for weeks. Feeding while lying down is a lifesaver for me, now when it's his time to nap I either lie down in the bed or on the blanket on the floor with him and feed him and he usually falls asleep. When he's in deep sleep (after around 20 minutes) I can move away from him, although some days it doesn't work, and then I'm basically lying with him for all the naps, which is not ideal, but at least my back doesn't hurt from constant carrying (I can only do one nap in a sling a day).
Not sure how would that work for bottle feeding, as never tried.

This was my DD!

I got a baby bouncer chair and also a sleephead (for supervised naps only.)

When baby was asleep, after about 15 minutes i would slowly and gently place her into the sleepyhead - this at least freed me up from holding her.

When you need a wee, shower etc, stick baby in a bouncer in the room with you. Yes they may cry, but that's ok for the few minutes you NEED to take care of your basic hygiene etc.

I’m sorry to hijack you’re thread (as I don’t really have advice as I’m in the same boat!) but how do you cosleep? I’m scared to do it wrong

@Regularsizedrudy there's some information heree*.

@Regularsizedrudy Check out Lullaby Trust www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

I do still use a pillow but keep it well out of the way. My DH is also in the spare room so we have a whole king size bed. I just use a sheet tucked around my legs and a cardigan on top (prior to this heatwave!). You can’t swaddle baby if cosleeping and feeding side lying.

Honestly, sometimes he'll just need to cry. Put him down, have a shower, make a cup of tea and a sandwich. Talk to him, keep him in your line of sight, but don't fall into the trap of completely ignoring your own needs. Nothing bad will happen if your baby cries for a bit.

My son was exactly the same! At 6 weeks for some reason he suddenly became happy to sleep in the next to me crib at night without us doing anything differently.

I do think the older they get the easier it is to do the tasks you describe - when he's old enough to sit in a bouncy chair with some toys watching you make your food/shower etc it's easier. Even easier when they can sit up alone. Then they start crawling and it's hard again

I had some success popping my son in the pram in the kitchen and singing to him while I quickly did a task, that might be worth a try?

You're doing great, I wish I'd listened to everyone who told me at the time that it really does get easier and he WILL let you put him down eventually!

Are we the same person? Literally agree with all your comments

I've got a 2 week old and would love to know the answer to this. Some nights she will do a couple of hours in the next to me and then at other times she just can't settle. It's just too hot to have this much skin to skin

A sling for daytime so you can still walk around the house, make and eat a sandwich etc.

For night time just embrace the co sleeping. It won't go on forever and you'll probably miss it when it stops.

DS was the same. He didn't sleep anywhere except on one of us for the first four months of his life.

We did all the recommended best practice for getting him to sleep in the crib/car/buggy but literally the only thing that helped in the end was time. We just kept practising and working at it and he got there. I think some babies are just like that unfortunately.

Do you have a swing or bouncer that moves? That kind of thing can sometimes work better. I wouldn't use something like that for overnight sleep but to grab you a shower it can be a godsend.

For the cot I swear by waiting until their arm goes limp enough that you can pick it up and drop it. We used to call it the arm test! I have heard that some people have to wait longer even after the arm test - 20-30 minutes.

Also they like to be cocooned - you can buy very expensive things that are basically a pool noodle in a U shape but I folded up a toddler duvet and put that in the carrycot so it had two "sides" and put the baby in between. Again, not for night sleep, but OK for short supervised periods.

I think newborns get particularly stressed if they think they are alone when they are sleeping.

Can you work on him being less physically attached when he is awake rather than sleeping? So putting him down on a mat or in a bouncer and sitting with him. As he gets used to that you should be able to take him to the bathroom/kitchen and put him somewhere safe while you have a shower or make some food.

Sorry I had to run before posting, but another tip a mum of 4 taught me is to make a rolled/folded muslin into a U shape and tuck it under their knees, and up either side of their hips. This one IS safe for night sleeping because it's not near their head and doesn't affect their movement. Somehow the bump making their knees bend means that they feel comforted.

And the German midwives would never put a baby down on their back. They would always put them down on their side, hold a hand on them for a moment, and then roll to their back. So I learned this and I did find it helped.

Babynest! Only thing helped to put my baby into the crib at 4 weeks. They don't advice here in the UK (which is crazy to me as people use it all over the world, in my country doctors are advice you to get it!) If you dont feel comfortable to use it during the night, maybe just try it out during the day when you can keep on eye on him?

Bouncer also worked for me, but as I remember only a bit later on.
@BertieBotts So true about the side sleeping! I did always put my baby on the side (especially if you have a baby who has tummy ache a lot, they definitely don't like being on the back) and gently roll them on their back when they in deep sleep. Helps a lot!