Partners who work away

[Ehc1989]

Does any one on here have one or more children & their partner works away often? My partner & I talk about having another child (we have one) but with me being on my own a lot and with work too I just can’t see how I would manage another child. When it’s situations like childcare isn’t available or child is sick it’s me who has to be there or take time off work.

We are very content rignt now and in no hurry but interested to see how/what others do to get by.

My wasn't away but worked long hours, like getting in at 1am and up again at 5am some days.

Without family support I think it would have been difficult.

Depends what you count as working away. When the girls were little I spent avlot of time working mon-fri at remote sites. Bit of a turn about as it's usually the husband that's away. He was fine with it we had an excellent creche/nursery at work which we used. He worked flexible and his management were OK with him dealing with emergencies if they cropped up provided he made up the time. My parents also helped out but the reality was lots of his leave went on ad hoc time spent with them.

I eventually transferred to a lower graded job simply so I could spend more time with them as I was missing out.

My DH works away a lot and we have 3 DC (3,5 and 7). I have no family nearby, so I work part time and when i accepted the job I advised my employer of my situation and that my costed are my priority.
Holidays are a nightmare as there is very little childcare provision where I live, but I muddle through with the help of a kind neighbour and my DH tends to book 2-3 weeks off over the summer holidays.

Personally, I think if one half of the couple works away, the other one has to downgrade to essentially a hobby job because it's just not possible - unless you've got lots of family to help you out!

*children, not 'costed'

DH did (and does). Sometimes every week for 1-2 nights, often longer. He also regularly was home after bedtime when he wasn't travelling.

(It's easier as they get older and bed time and mornings are less frantic. I quite enjoy it now, having time to myself.)

And I was ruthless when he was home. Took all the necessary time for me, and he shouldered all the pick ups and sick days etc. You need him and his employer on board, though, and their agreement that travel means more than just working hours and therefore they flex in lieu when they're home

@BigFatLiar interesting to see it from the woman’s side. Thank you for sharing. My husband is a pilot so his roster is changing all the time. There’s no set days he is home so planning is always challenging.
we also have a dog that I have to factor in walking every day too, I just can’t see with another child how I would cope.
@FizzyFucker this is the thing, I love my job and hoping to get a promotion shortly but I feel like I have to make a huge sacrifice because of his job (I understand that - I married him), just now adding a child and a dog into it. The thought of another just blows my mind!
@HeyMicky thank you for your comment. My husband is a pilot so it’s not as easy for him to take time in lieu as such. He’s always worked abroad but covid has meant he’s now employed by a UK company who I think would support more “emergency days” unlike the previous companies he’s worked for.
Thanks all for your comments - honestly so 50/50 on whether we should have another. We only have my mum for support and I hate relying on her as much as I already do!

My Dad always worked on an oil rig when I was younger. Mostly 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off.

In later years 1 month on, 1 month off. Mum was always a SAHM. She done a few part time jobs over the years but said whatever she was earning would be ate up in costs during the school holidays so it really wasnt worth it for her

I think I was fortunate in

Blast phone keypad!

I was fortunate in that when I retrained I was ambitious and DH was supportive, he was in a well paid job that he enjoyed with no intention of looking for advancement that would take him away from what he was doing. It meant he was happy to take on most of the childcare to let me work.

You get lots of tales of how you can have it all but when they're little as someone had said somebody had to be the one who deals with the wet bed or sick child.

I have two and partner works away a couple of nights a week. If they are ill I can work from home, so lucky with that. It means I make more of the parenting decisions as I am around more. When he is here he is home for school run anyway, so makes no difference in the morning. We also use wrap around childcare some days and school holidays. I would find the dog harder than a second child. Don't need to walk the kids when it is dark / raining!

DH had a career that was 90% on location. When he was desperate for a second child ( we had one, plus I had two teens , pets, busy career of my own) my condition was that he change roles completely to one where he is almost always home every night.

There really is a limit to what one adult can and should sacrifice to keep the whole thing going.

My DH works in Amsterdam, flying out on Monday, back on Thursday evening. I work full-time, so we have a nanny and use nursery too.

DH works away on an ad hoc basis, sometimes it's one night, sometimes it's the whole week. We've got two children and no family support. I took a different job after DC1 was born to ensure one of us would be at home - I was burnout though so needed both a change and a rest.

I do feel a bit jealous of friends who's partners can be more hands-on and do picks ups etc and it's pretty tiring trying to manage work, kids and the house by yourself.

DH weekly commutes. DDs are now 9&11, and we've had many patterns over the years from home for lunch and dinner everyday(working 8-5 M-F) or away for months at a time, to us living in foreign countries with him.

We don't factor him into any childcare plans. (The nature of his job means he can disappear at a few hours notice). Any activities etc I always make sure I can get between when we plan them. Its a bit easier now the eldest can stay home alone for a couple of hours by herself but they have been dragged along to sibling things many times... parent evenings, clubs, birthday parties. Fortunately for the most part their friends were in similar situations so there was a lot of understanding.

One thing we have been careful of is that we noticed I was "default, boring Mum" and he got to be "fun Dad". So he does a lot of the "default nagging" stuff when he's home so I can do fun stuff as well.

My husband works a 3-3 rotation so I have baby on my own for 3 weeks at a time. It’s tough going and I’m always so ready for the extra pair of hands when he gets home. We are not planning on having another baby.

@PuttingDownRoots me being “default boring mum” is something that plays on my mind a lot. Luckily my husband and I, our parenting styles are the same and we nearly always agree but it’s still hard when he comes home and he’s the favourite fun parent.
@Scottishbump85 thank you for your reply. My husband pre covid used to work abroad so would be away for around 3/3.5 weeks and home for 10 days max. If he was still doing that I definitely don’t think I could handle another child.

@ImWell I never even thought of a nanny - that is definitely something I will consider if we have another child.
@HinchcliffeandMurgatroyd your comment really resonated with me when I read it. Very true, I already sacrifice a lot, struggle to make plans to see my friends, or do any form of exercise which I used to love pre child. Would be even harder with two!!

It was easier for me to quit my job and go self employed. That way I only took on clients that were either flexible or done certain contract jobs outwith my normal line of work where I could take the baby with me. If I stayed employed it would be impossible. I worked shifts and there’s no childcare available if you’re on a backshift till 2am or nightshift 9pm till 6am.