When does having 2 get easier?

[Teaandbiscuits16]

DS turned 3 in June and DD is just 1 and I’m finding it absolutely exhausting and so stressful. DS fights us on every single thing (which I know is normal having spoken to my friends with 3 year olds), has moments of shouting at me that he doesn’t love me anymore, occasionally kicks and generally makes leaving the house or leaving somewhere to go home barely worth the outing. However, staying in with the 2 of them is even worse. DD is now walking and she wants to see everything her brother is doing, bulldozes over to him and basically ruins anything he’s doing which then results in upset from both of them and with DS pushing her and shouting. Of course he’s going to be annoyed when his sister is ruining his fun. We try a lot of gentle parenting techniques to help him but more and more I’m just losing my s* because my patience is so worn down.
DD is now at the age where if you take something she shouldn’t have she’ll go nuts, will scream whenever DS tantrums as she gets frightened and is overall quite a whinger.

Please somebody give me hope that it will get better?!!

I should add that they both have moments of calm and being utterly gorgeous and when my DS snuggles me and says he loves me so much I melt. It just feels as though those moments of niceness are fleeting.

I have 2 OP, same age gap. They are now 7 and 5. I have not found a harder stage than 3 and 1! Two very difficult developmental stages at the same time, with different needs. Absolutely exhausting. It comes together as they get older. I'm not saying it's easy now, but the challenges are easier to manage and it's far less relentless. Hang in there! (It also feels like 3 and 1 was just the other day!)

@captncrunch Oh thank you so much for your reply. I really needed to read that, almost as a bit of reassurance that I’m not just being melodramatic or a crappy mum because it feels like that most days at the moment.
It’s just brutal right now. We keep trying to convince ourselves that one day we can go on holiday or on days out when they’re a bit older and they can entertain one another. Yes, I’m sure there’ll be lots of squabbles but I’m holding out on being able to reason with them at some point.

Tbh it got better for me when I went back to work and they went to nursery!

Awww it is v tough. Mine are now 19 and 17&half and that period is etched on my mind forever! It’s just relentless but hang on in there it will get easier. Looking back, that time now seems over in a flash, but when your living it daily it’s exhausting. Once they get to nursery /school and you get a break for few hours, I felt better and that I’d got a bit more control of life back. Each stage brings different challenges and worries but so much easier , plus they sleep in well past 6am 😂 Times though I really miss them being small 🥲

I would say once the younger one is happy to play and engage in games with the older one, it gets easier, but definitely depends on the temperaments of the children! My first has always been very laid back and the youngest, more of a wild whirlwind, but they started playing together well from when dd2 was 18m/1year. I envisage there would have been a lot more arguments if dd1 wasn't so understanding and patient with her younger sisters wild ways! They're now 6 & 4 and best friends, entertain eachother all day, and life is definitely easy most of the time, having the two of them together. I always remember when dd2 was the same age her older sister was when she was born, and thinking how the hell did I do this with a newborn?! But it was easy because dd1 was so laid back, if dd2 was the first, I think she would have stayed an only child!

When you have 3 and realise 2 was easy in comparison!!

3 and 1 was soooooooo hard. Mine are 4 and 6 now and it’s easier.

OP I could've written that myself 🥲😭

I have no advice! Just sending a virtual hug! I need it too!
Currently they are both asleep and DH and I are sat on the sofa not being able to Move after the s*it day we've had with the two of them!
We went out for the day to create some family memories... let's just say they're not lovely memories 😂

And it's funny how now they're both angels and are asleep i really miss them and feel guilty that I've been a shouty mum today and not on my best form 🤦🏻‍♀️ I want to wake them for a cuddle 😂

Ahhh 3 and 1 was the absolute worst age combination.

It’ll be loads better soon don’t worry.

When I had a 4 Yr old and a 1 Yr old I used to put the older child in a playpen when doing something like craft or lego. The little one could look from the outside but not destroy it.

Hang on in there. Mine are 4 and 2 and I can already see light at the end of the tunnel - 50% of the time I'm still policing their fights but the other 50% they now play together really well and absolutely adore one another. Last year nearly broke me (at 3 and 1) but it's definitely getting better.

Same age gap as my two oldest. Once middle child had reached about 2 it seemed to settle down. The first two years of going from one to two were actual hell on earth though. I routinely thought I'd gone insane, felt like I was going to stroke from the constant stress.

My third is 2 now and I'm clinging on to my sanity for dear life. I think ages 2-3 are the worst of the lot. 😂🙊 Roll on age 4!

I have a 3y10 month old and a 1y11 month old now and things are getting easier with each month, particularly since 20 months!
It feels a long way away now but you will soon be out of this phase and life gets easier.
I look back to this time last year and shudder 😅 you’ve got this 💪🏼

I found that age really hard! My two are now 2 and nearly 4 and it's so much easier! Still challenging but much better than this time last year. Hang in there!

Same ages here and it is BRUTAL.

I have just turned 3 and 1 (21 months) right now too. No advice just solidarity. It's so very very hard. Childcare is my answer. Love my work days, so easy!

Thank you thank you thank you for all of these replies! 🌸 They are genuinely so kind and so reassuring.
It’s really lovely to know that one day they will likely play nicely together. At the moment they’re definitely too young for that and despite the fact that DS does really adore his little sister (often showing his love with overly enthusiastic cuddles) it feels as though I’m constantly a referee but obviously my youngest doesn’t understand.

@gotithere Sorry to hear about your day. We’ve had it rough. Resulted in me shouting and then breaking down in tears as I felt so guilty. I always apologise to DS and explain myself but I still feel dreadfully guilty and like you I want to go and give them a cuddle…but also I don’t want to risk waking them!!

2 and 4/5 was when it got easier for me. They started to play together and I got moments of down time.
1 and 3 was like having a 24 hour a day job! Nothing is that bad.

OP I knew before opening the thread how old your kids would be. 1 and 3 is the hardest I promise.

My boys are now 4 and 6 and while still enormously challenging it's so much easier than it was.

I'm at 2 and 5 and I agree that there are times when it's lovely and they can play together. The way my daughter belly laughs at her big brother's antics is just so heartwarming. She copies him and he likes to try and explain things to her and they have little conversations. They also do have to be watched for taking things off eachother and invading the other's personal space; cue much high pitched whinging, but I can see the gap narrowing now.

For me, i'm looking forward to my youngest being 4. That was when I really started to feel like my eldest could cope with a lot more and understand how things worked.

17 and a half 🤣

I thought people dropped the "and a half" after toddler stage. Do those 6 months make a difference to the age?

I could have written your post exactly @Teaandbiscuits16
In the same boat and we find it soooo exhausting. I'm broken some days.

2 and 5 here and it has very recently started to few more manageable! Still hard but nothing like when my youngest was under 2!

OP I knew you'd have a 1yo and approx 3yo. I have similar. 2&5 is a whole different way to parent. This summer feels infinitely better than last.
Hang on in there, it does get better.

My advice is potty train the little one ASAP. Going out without nappies is the best!